As a father of older teenagers I'm stuck in the position of trying to give advice to children who are now adults(ish).
One thing that my oldest son used to say to justify doing things which I considered to be poor decisions was : YOLO
The worst part of that is that he is partially right. There is only one go at this thing called life. One time to make the journey before its all over. Failing to seize the moment just ends up with regrets later in life.
However, the other part of the equation is that mistakes make your life harder. The more mistakes you make the harder the journey becomes. Do you really want to sabbotage your future happiness for short term gains?
It is a really hard decision. In the end I came up with an analogy. Whether he listened to me or just tuned me out....only time will tell. This is my thought on things though.
The Journey
Life is a journey just like any other. There is a start, there is the travel, and there is the destination. No-one gets to choose where they start. You just have to start wherever you are. Depending on your starting place and depending on your final destination there will always be choices on how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Sometimes the journey is straightforward and easy. In Canada I've racked up over 400,000km on my first vehicle, 170,000km on my second, and 100,000km on my third. Some of the journeys went smoothly, others did not.
On one trip from Abbotsford to Nelson my car lost grip on an icy road at 90km/hr. The car spun around three times and finally came to rest on the wrong side of the road but pointed in the direction I wanted to go. I was pretty shaken up but I just slowly accelerated and kept on my way.
Real life lesson. Sometimes you will be just driving down the road and bad conditions turn your life around (possibly multiple times) and leave you shaken. What do you do? Try to carry on when things settle down.
On the exact same road (although a few hundred Km further along) I remember stopping at the side of the road at 1:30am and looked up in the sky. I got to see the Northern lights dancing and swaying. It was the first (and only) time that I have seen them so far south. A memory well worth stopping for!
Real life lesson. Don't be so fixated on the destination that you forget to enjoy the moment! I really had a long journey that night (770km) and it was very late. All I wanted to do was get where I was going and get some sleep. I was tired, a bit sore from sitting too long, and generally not in the mood for distractions. If I didn't stop though I would have missed a very special moment. In life it can be the same way. Tired, distracted, just wanting to rest and not enjoy the moment....but if you get too focused you will miss out.
Sometimes you get good advice
Along the road sometimes you get advice from locals. Asking about local sites to see. Local things to do. Local things to eat. There have been times when we have taken the advice of the local tourism department, or even just the local gas station attendant and ended up at a place well worth seeing.
I've seen historic buildings, majestic stands of old trees and parks, canyons, rivers, mountains, or maybe just a great place to eat. Taking the time along the road to listen to others and take a detour can be very rewarding!
Real life analogy? You never know who you are going to meet. Take time to meet people, learn from locals, and enjoy the experience. Sometimes wonderful things are nearby but you just don't know where to look!
But sometimes you get Bad Advice
Whether deliberate or unintentional sometimes there will be bad advice given along the path.
My worst experience on a journey was in the Philippines. #HiveLearners asked what my craziest car experience was...well, here it is.
Now the Philippines has the best and the worst places around. There are slums that are heartbreaking and there are beaches that are breathtaking. There are roads that are well maintained and fast while there are also roads that will scare you witless. Then there is Manila traffic...we won't talk about that :)
On my last trip to the Philippines I travelled with my brother to Santa Ana. A truly beautiful place. Incredible beach and oceanview.
My Own image from the window of my beach house.
In addition I also have a small beach house there. It isn't much but can't beat the location.
Again, the image is mine
He's a hat's off to you @gwajnberg for having the same goal as me : Spending retirement in a little hut by the beach 😁 Side note: The drive there can be a little less than ideal but not terrible
You guessed it again my image
On a previous trip to the Philippines I wanted to see a historic village called "Sagada" and there were two ways there. One way went through Tabuk and seemed very direct.
Image Source: Google Maps
The other was a much further route which went through San Fernando, then to Banaue, then to Sagada.
Image Source: Google Maps
Being a foreigner I wanted to take the shorter trip through Tabuk. Upon hearing that my Father-in-law said that I was crazy and that Tabuk was held by NPA and travelling through there would be very dangerous for a foreigner.
Now I hadn't heard of any recent NPA activity. There were no alerts from the government (Filipino or Canadian). I figured I would be just fine going through Tabuk. However, in deference to my father-in-law we decided to go through San Fernando.
Now I can't fault my father in law's reasoning. He was simply trying to keep me safe. I don't blame myself as when we were heading to San Fernando and I was a road marker saying "Banaue 70km" it seemed like a great idea to turn there and take the road. It took this route:
Notice how this section looks nothing like a straight line?
At first all was well. Nice paved road. Not much traffic and we are making good time. After a little while the pavement turned into cement road and it became windy but well maintained. It was much slower but still just fine. A little while later the cement road turned into a gravel road and we were going slower still but the visibility was good and there wasn't much traffic. We were certainly not in a busy area though! Then the gravel road became a dirt path and we got a little nervous. There were parts that were single lane, there was virtually no traffic, and we pulled over at a beautiful viewpoint before continuing on to Banaue.
Looking back at the area. Here is an aerial view of one section: Take not of the mountain peak and the steep drop.
At that point an 4 Wheel Drive SUV came towards us from the road ahead. It stopped at the same viewpoint and some European tourists got out and chatted with us. They asked how the road was ahead and we said that it was all as good as what they saw or better all the way back to the main highway. They smiled and seemed brighter after hearing that. At this point we were about 32km from Banaue. We asked them how the road was going forward for us. They said that there was roadwork and the roads were in poor condition due to heavy rain earlier.
This is the road now. Back then it was a dirt road that was being worked on after heavy rains. Notice cliff on one side and cliff on the other? Not fun.
That wasn't great but it was only 32km. I figured at worst we can abandon the vehicle and walk 32km in 8 hours or so.
Wow. Was I wrong.
You see Banaue is famous for its Rice Terraces. The thing about Rice Terraces is that they are carved out of a mountainside. We were taking the back road in through steep mountains. The dirt road became a one way mud slick that couldn't even be called a road. On one side there was a mountain going up. On the other side a steep cliff going down. We would slide down one half of the road only to pray that the vehicle could make it up the slope coming next! After the first area like that I was thinking..thank goodness we are out of the worst of it. Except we found three more areas like that. I kept thinking...well... at least there are road crews nearby to help out if we get stuck. Then again, if we slide down the side of a mountain we were pretty much done for.
Now in Canada 32km is a very short drive. 15min or much less depending on the road. On this trip it took us over 6 hours for the final stretch. Why? well parts were really bad but as we got closer to Banaue we found out that they made a mistake on the roadway and there was no more way forward. They had heavy equipment trying to make a dirt path wide enough to get through. I could see the traffic trying to come our way and there were many vehicles ahead of us trying to continue their journey. But no-one could go anywhere.
So we sat in a long line of cars. We couldn't go back through those mudslicked paths pretending to be roads. We couldn't go forward because there was no road. We didn't have much food and very little water. In general it was not a happy time. Finally after 2 hours the equipment made a way to go through. One car at a time. It was very soft and we almost got high centered on the mud/dirt/whatever they called it. Finally we made it to the other side and 20 minutes later we were in Banaue--just as it was starting to get dark.
A 2 hour trip to Sagada turned into a 12hour trip to Banaue.
I never got to go to Sagada. My wife (and much of my family) were pretty scared for the day. An experience I would never want to do again.
All because of some bad advice!
Real world advice from one bad trip
There are a couple lessons behind that scary trip.
First: There are often multiple ways to get where you are going. One may seem safer or better than the other but you never know until you are on the road. Same way in life. Just because one path in life seems better there is no guarantee that it will be.
Second: There are always people willing to give advice. Usually you can trust advice from an elder who has your best interests at heart. Usually it is unwise to take advice from someone who is foolish (which is especially common amongst teenagers). However, even the best advice from those who love us can go awry.
Third: You are in control of your own life and your own decisions. Just as a driver is ultimately responsible for the direction the car goes. Listen to advice and take it to heart but in the end...OWN your decision for good or bad. Blaming someone doesn't lead to good outcomes.
A few more tidbits from other trips
Just for fun a few more things I've learned from previous trips:
Be prepared
On one trip we had a very long drive (12hrs) to go to a wonderful resort in Idaho (yes there are good things in Idaho). My wife dutifully packed everything. She planned for all the contingencies. Food, Sundries, Clothing, Medical supplies, Baby needs (the trip was a long time ago). We arrive, and promptly go to sleep. The next morning when we go to get dressed there are no pants for the kids. Every other conceivable type of clothing but no pants. Emergency trip to the thrift store so we could dress the kids--Pants are typically seen as necessary clothing
Being prepared for things that happen in life is also very useful
Don't be in a hurry!
On one recent trip we had a long trip for the day (16hrs) and near the end of the trip my son was driving and he just wanted to get home. It was late at night and he was going faster than he should (I was sick or I would have driven). What happens? He hits a rock on the road and blew a tire. Just after midnight in the middle of nowhere and we have a tire that can't be repaired. The car doesn't have a space for a spare just some "Fix a Flat" that couldn't be used for this type of damage.
We ended up spending the night sleeping in the car until we could get to town and get a replacement tire.
In life sometimes you want to rush things but often times it just leads to problems that keep you further from your goal.
Pack light (and don't rush).
On another trip my son was driving again. This time with my wife who packed way too much. The car was overloaded and my son was trying to drive too fast. As a result he overheated the transmission (the flashing D light was a sign he didn't bother to check). It was a very expensive repair and very poor ride.
Again. Carrying too much baggage in life can give you headaches you could otherwise avoid. Certainly you need some things but avoiding the unnecessary can simply everything and keep you from getting bogged down.
Follow your own path!
On yet another trip my son was driving and my wife was navigating. Now I have learned that my wife is a terrible navigator but my son hadn't learned that yet. My wife dutifully put the destination into Google Maps and dutifully gave all the directions to my son. However, he was driving a car (it was a 1400km trip) and my wife got a map for travelling by bicycle. Needless to say that there were some weird detours on the trip as a bike can go down some road that a vehicle simply cannot.
In life every person is different. A good path for one person may not be good for another. Just like my son shouldn't have followed a bike path in a car not every person should take the same path either.
There are lots of similarities between driving to a destination and following the path of life. To sum things up: You can't choose where you start just take stock of where you are and decide where you want to be. There will always be a journey. Much of the journey will be routine and kind of boring (as evidenced by all the "are we there yet" noise from the backseat). Taking some detours to see interesting things along the way makes the trip so much better. Taking time to enjoy the day also makes the journey of life so much less tedous. Finally there is a destination. Make sure you have one before you start out. If you don't have a destination you'll never know when you arrive. That's true when you are driving and just as true when you are living.
Enjoy the ride towards where you want to be whether it be in life or a roadtrip!
As a final message for my son: "You are right, you only live once. Stop and enjoy your journey through life sometimes, enjoy the moments as they go by! However, you choose your path. Some paths lead to an easier life and other paths lead to Mayoyao--scary, dangerous, potentially fatal, and in the end don't take you where you want to go. Enjoy life, but also remember your destination"
Thanks for reading
and as always feel free to leave messages (I love messages).