It's so unfortunate that I have seen many people look at divorce as an atrocious act. I saw someone who said she will never opt for divorce except for a life-threatening reason. And all I have to say is that that isn't what I would call a smart thought. I don't think one's life has to be threatened before you know when to call quits, you shouldn't even reach that stage before realizing what you need to do.
It's also quite unfortunate that divorce has made people lazy and has been used for personal gain in my generation.
You see people getting married just so they can get divorced and profit from what they never worked for.
Some say that the marriage wouldn't work, so they get divorced. But is it really the marriage that wouldn't work? Or maybe the case is just that they are not ready to work towards making the marriage work, they don't even bother trying or reaching their limit, no matter how little the distance between their limit is.
Most people who fight against divorce so badly these days can't be blamed because it is really being abused these days.
But before you join them, also note that many of them take marriage as an important status. Somewhere in my country, you see how marital status is so overrated.
I would have said separating could be a good remedy for divorce. But simply separating doesn't give the closure needed.
This topic is a hard one because divorce is not just about breaking vows, but it is also about giving yourself a second chance.
I understand many children suffer trauma from divorce. But trust me when I say this; most of the cases where children suffer from their parents divorcing are because the limits of the marriage were reached, and the divorce was still late.
For example, I have a cousin who had two children with her husband, and at some point in the marriage, they started having problems, and when they saw they couldn't go any other way about it, they decided before things got any worse.
And now they have moved on with their lives, but still maintain a healthy parenting relationship.
I always say that a marriage stands stronger when the parents put the children first.
But do you know that staying in a broken marriage, a marriage with no peace, no happiness, and just endurance, stands a high chance of causing even more trauma on the children?
Yes, parents with disturbed mental health and sanity can't protect their children from trauma.
So when you are considering your mental health, don't think you are doing it for yourself alone.
Gone are the days when marriage was an important status and divorce was frowned upon as an atrocious act.
People live in marriages worse than hell because they don't want the title divorcee or they don't want to be gossiped about, but at this age, at this time, that's just nonsensical.
And while avoiding this so-called horrible thing called divorce, they end up in situations even worse, some even life-threatening.
Also, we forget people change when we say If you end up with the right person, divorce will never be an option.
But sorry to break it to you, change is the only constant.
So the moment you lose that connection and nothing seems to be working out, or you start to feel there is hate growing in the marriage, my friend Japa, I mean, run!
Not just for your own good, because you can never tell who will end up doing the harm.
Because at first it might not seem to be bad, but just give it some time, and it will heat up like iron placed in the fire.
The need for divorce need not necessarily be for usual causes like cheating or abuse.
Do you know people actually get married to people they hate?
Yes, they even get married to people they secretly envy and use that to hold them down or limit them.
Some get jealous and insecure. Some people don't do this intentionally or even realize it, humans have mixed feelings that they don't understand entirely, and are bound to make mistakes.
But that is not a cause to be bound in agony.
So if you ask me, the trauma children face in divorce can never be compared to the mental well-being of a parent seeking divorce.
Besides some parents start to resent their children because they feel like they are the reason why they choose to endure and be unhappy, they might not admit it but if you observe properly you would see the effects on the children, so why bother if you know staying would only make you suffer and inflict more harm on the children.
Now I am still very single and not even close to marriage, but I think I am very observant, and I don't need to do any research to see the results of tying oneself down to a broken marriage, and I am 100 % sure it isn't worth it.
For the kids, the parents, or whatever reason there is.
You can work towards making a marriage work and making it better.
But you just need to know when to hang it up and don't consider people who would talk about it or what they have to say.
After all, you are the one in the marriage and not them.