We are shaped like clay — but we don’t always keep the form we’re given
Science says the genes of a person are who that person is. Does it mean that you could define someone by the traits passed down by the parents? I mean, science has proven things like height, skin color, facial features, some pathological and psychological characteristics, and so many other things that make up the features of someone that can be passed down from a parent.
This question has chased me for years. Are we born bad or good, with whatever we are lucky to get already embedded in our DNA? Or is it the environment, or like they say — a child, just like clay — is shaped by the potter?
But I don't believe or accept any of the above. Because I have seen people with good parents turn out badly, regardless of all the love, care, and effort. Same with people I have seen who are good but their parents are the opposite of them.
My grandpa was a traditionalist with 9 legitimate children. I only met 7 of them, and out of the 7 alive — 4 continued in their ways — all varying in their commitment to traditionalism. The remaining 3 are Christians — one being a devoted pastor — and the pastor has two sons who are involved in major fraud.
You see that right there? One hell of a tree, right? A traditionalist — a pastor — and then fraudsters. I bet you science can't possibly explain that.
The only explanation I will give you is this — we aren't born good… or bad. Rather, we are born open — like a blank slate. And what we receive — attention, neglect, abuse, kindness, criticism, guidance — these things help us build the emotional compass we use for life — better put, they are the first recordings on the blank slate — rules, beliefs, laws, and morals written by external influence — 99% of the time without having a choice on what one wants to be written on that slate.
So, does this mean one can raise a good person?
Well, yes… and no.
At a point in everyone's life, they get to start making choices, and kids start choosing what they accept and reject. You can give a child love, teach values, expose them to kindness, and discipline them with care. But in the end, they still make choices. Good parenting is a guide, not a guarantee.
In my family, my siblings and I were all raised the same way by the same people, but we all ended up different. Because we are our persons — not puppets or carbon copies — but unique souls.
Is it a roll of the dice?
To be honest, it may seem that way, and in some cases, it might be.
Every external influence in one's life can steer the person towards darkness or light.
But it doesn't overwhelm the responsibility of making choices.
The best we can do is control the input — the morals and beliefs, the right and wrong we teach — but as for the outcome — it is up to the child's choices.
I always promise myself I will try my best to bring up my children, but the outcome is up to them. The best I can do is pray to God.