It’s quite crazy how I can detect lies. They seem to like me—I’m not sure why. People say I have an aura that attracts, but I don’t know if it’s true or not. So many people around me, yet I feel alone. So many people know me, but I still feel I’m in my solitude.
I can’t find someone to replace you, brother. It’s been four years now since you passed. No one’s even close to filling the big shoes you left behind. The dark void you left in my heart is overwhelming. I have a picture of you in my room to remind myself of what you said to me. You said I have great potential, that I’m a genius—but I never saw it, not even till today I can't see it. I’ve failed and failed, so I can’t see the genius you mentioned. I do hope and pray it comes true. Because I’m tired, brother. I’m tired of being poor. I’m tired of being hungry on a daily basis. I don’t mind the hunger, but being poor to the point where you can’t even take care of yourself—it’s quite embarrassing at my age.
Today, I caught a good friend of mine lying to me. I could smell it on their breath—that they’d been drinking. Straight away he said it was an energy drink. I guess he forgot I used to manage a restaurant for a living. Now my sense of smell has broadened even more. I can smell when something’s off just by waking up in the morning. And surprisingly, I was right. Dogs entered my farm and killed one of my chickens—its neck full of holes. I managed to shoot a
With my bow and arrow at the dog, but it ran away and left my arrow behind. I’m sure that dog won’t come back to kill my chickens again.
I hate doing this because I need to protect what's mine from outside animals. It didn’t give me joy killing the monitor lizard. As you read before, a few months back, when I hit the lizard with a big, heavy wood and its mouth started to bleed—I felt sorry. It gave up, but I still continued killing it. I could feel its fear at the end of its life. When I first saw him, it didn’t run away from me while opening its mouth. Well, I guess what I did was right. But the cause... the lizard is still in my head.
As for centipedes, I have no idea how many I’ve killed. Rats, not so many—because rats can kill chickens that are still small, so I need to get rid of them. But it’s not easy to step on them, so I use a different method. I let the rat snake eat them. I don’t chase the snakes away. I just keep small parts of the farm full of tall grass so they can hide from the heat and do their job.
Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind for today. See you all again tomorrow.
Thank you for reading.
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