My life is different.
As I sit to type this I’m hit with a strange sense of vertigo. You know that moment in a movie where a bomb goes off too close to our favorite protagonist? The moment where the camera tilts, the focus blurs, and the only distinguishable sound is the high pitch of ringing ears? Yeah. It feels like that.
Its quiet here. I have no boogers to wipe, no ketchup-y hands tugging on my clothes for snacks, no loud choruses of “I LOVE MY RED SHOES”, no juggling of a small army with wildly different interests and needs. My kids. When I wrote my first post they were 3, 4, 4, 6, 8, 12, 15, and 18. Today they’re 5, 6, 6, 10, 14, 17, and 20... and they’re gone.
Not gone, gone. They still exist, just not here… not with me. I miss my kids.
You see quite some time ago things went a little sideways, so Rose and I moved out of the loud and crowded place we’d called home for two years. We did a we bit of bouncing and we ended up here, with my vampire @MrViquez and two cats (Ghost the asshole and Bane the inbred special boy).
So very, very different.
I suppose I didn’t realize until just now how difficult of a time I’ve had adjusting. For a while I threw myself full force into work. I did the local coffee chain thing for a bit before donning whites and resuming my role of quirky, adorable pastry chef. (That ended badly, maybe I’ll tell y’all about it another time.) Lately though I’ve had ample time and few excuses to avoid self-analyzation. I settled onto the sofa with my super awesome new laptop and Ghost in full preparation to get into @Accio headspace, to throw a wild satire onto the screen, a sarcasm fueled tirade to shock and amaze the five people who loved my posts with dedication before the great divide masses. What I seem to be finding is that…
I’m different.
So very, very different.
Who am I and how did I get here?
OH SHIT DID I TURN OFF THE OVEN?
Yes I did.
Maybe not that different.
Ahem.
But @accio why are you back now? Was it the Steem drama that prompted my return?
Not really. It was more of @MrViquez’s incessant nagging. If I had a dollar for every time I heard “you really need to post” or “why aren’t you on steemit?” I would have a really nice car right now. I finally after buying a new laptop yesterday ran out of excuses as to why I’m not writing anymore and had to face up to the cold hard reality that I actually really wanted to. I still shot many doubts his way as we stood waiting for my French fries at the corner store, many doubts. Well, what if I get this 9-5 with benefits that I’m interviewing for tomorrow? Will I have time? Good posts takes so long to write, then editing and networking and blah blah. I’m not inspired, I can’t just magic up inspiration. What if this Tron buy out thing you won’t stop talking about changes the site for the worse irrevocably? Will I be able to compete in the pool? Spinning torrents of what ifs and hows and whys and…
Fuck it all. I love to write. I loved Steemit passionately once, who is to say I can’t rekindle that flame? So here I am in all of my noideawhati’mevendoing glory reintroducing myself to the world of Steemit with full intent to get to know it now, and to allow it to get to know the new @accio.
Please do try to forgive me while I reacquaint myself with formatting and such, love you humans! @Accio out, stay tuned!