Every Wednesday I am going to let loose the dogs of war, and my busy mind, to explore a different subject currently Derp-ing trending in the court of human opinion. Exploring the Derp our lovely mass media chooses to focus on, the 'issues of the day' hyped out of all proportion by the Derpaholics of social media.
Sometimes this theater of madness makes me want to chug a pint of frosty Derp just to be able to cope with the clashing cognitive dissonance as people pile in to choose a position. Slack jawed Derpsters whipped into a frenzy of slobbering opinion masturbation, splurging their loads through blue light and smart phone screens shining tweets behind their eyes.
But first, what da fck am I ranting about? What is a Derp? What is a Derpster and how did they become Derpaholics? Hopefully my dictionary of Derp will help explain.
A Dictionary Definition of Derp
DERP -
The definition of derp is the word that is said when something stupid is said or done.
(slang) Draws attention to an act of foolishness or stupidity.
source
I hope to expand on that definition with my use of Derp to mean:
1: Derp is- the unconscious heard mentality of slack jawed dumbass Derp-edy Derped-ness in following opinion trends on social media without ever spending a minute, or a brain cell, in researching the subject that you're inanely SCREAMING IN CAPS ABOUT ON ZUCKERBOOK.
2: Derp is- ascribing a focus of belief to things that are quantifiable, e.g. climate change.
As in, 'I don't believe in climate change'... ermmmm there is no need to believe or not to believe you fckn Muppet mania Derp-in Derppet. The weather, the annual temperature, the effect of one chemical on another within a given environmental structure, the rate at which the polar ice caps melt, the increasing volume of water in the seas, the increase in flooding in temperate and tropical climates, the overall annual global temperature in different latitude/longitudes at a given time of year, all of these things are measurable and don't require belief.
3: Derp is- being pulled into every shit flinging frenzy created by 'public figures' and amplified by media outlets until you're so fixated on an issue and your stance in response to it, that you ignore what your government is doing behind the scenes. E.g. here in the UK prominent politicians love to debate about public spending - 'money is tight and that is why the NHS is underfunded.' The alternate side says 'public spending will help stimulate the economy improving things through commerce/taxation' etc. The conversation and focus of attention is directed through a two sided argument from two parties who both agree that the third, and even forth considerations should never be explored.
It is easy to direct attention when people Derple are riled up fighting what they see as their 'free' choice of position. They spaz out until they're so filed to burst with derp that they can't see the wood from the trees.
This type of manipulation isn't anything new, Machiavellian philosophy and its political application has been weaving its web around the serfs and derps since the fifteenth century. There is a whole school of scholastic thought that says this type of behavior is how human intelligence evolved.
The essence of the Machiavellian intelligence hypothesis is that intelligence evolved in social circumstances. The individuals who are favoured are the ones who are able to use and exploit others in their social group, without causing disruption and potential group fission liable to result in naked aggression. Their manipulations might as easily involve co-operation as conflict, sharing as hoarding — but in each case the end is exploitative and selfish.
source
My response to that... time to evolve a new applications of intelligence. One that doesn't drive negative control mechanisms and breed yet more derps. It is within every fckn dick derpin's power out there to take more control over what they consume from the media. To question and research. It is within all our control not to derp.
Smoking crack is bad for yo health... but so is mainlining derp.
The alternative is to continue like this... a sad case of full on derp addiction leads to fighting with yourself and loss of limbs.
Tune in next week for more DERP and a poetic dig at the derp-a-nauts currently trending on soc media having a furry flange biting fit over the controversial issue of lifeboat men saving people who are drowning at sea.
Thank you.