Sitting with my legs crossed, I inhaled deeply as thousands of thoughts swirled in my mind almost choking. I held my chest in plain bitterness at my loss. I don't usually feel this way, but they are times I can't help but remember a gruesome part of my cruel past... the loss of someone close, yet distance tore us apart.
I am not the crying type when I hear death hit the surface of any human. Heck!!! I laughed so hard during my grandma's burial. I don't know if you remember the story, but it is true. The family almost had me checked at a mental asylum. It is crazy that I can't feel the pain of losing someone no matter how close the person may be. But, why does the death that took this soul break my heart into tiny unrecognized pieces? I don't know or maybe I do... Who knows? One thing is sure... I feel pity for this soul and I am angry at what he left behind.
It is crazy to see that a picture can speak a million words to its viewers and the words it spoke to me were a reminder of a lost soul.
This year should make it the 4th year I cried bitterly within me over the loss of an amazing person. I am not much of a family type, especially distant families, but this soul I speak of is a distant family, and he was close to me. He was the kindest being I have ever met. Caring he was, energetic he was, playful he was, and full of great positivity. He was an amazing soul who puts people before himself. I could still remember how I always say he might one day die for someone. Troubled not, he worked so badly to help people and take care of the family he started. It was beautiful. I was happy he has a lovely wife and beautiful children, but alas! All that seems too good turned too bad. He died painfully. An accident that claimed his life and took him six feet below.
When the news got to me, I was at work, tired, and preparing to go to my place to rest but the shocking news came and all energy drained was pumped back in full force. I left work immediately and had to go to my place to pack my bag and prepare for travel to my parent's place. He was my Mom's brother. The last born in their family. He once lived with us and my Mom took good care of him. Maybe that was how I got super close to him. It was said that he had come back from work and told his wife he forgot to get something out so he took his motorcycle and left. That was the last time we heard from him. The next call that came in afterward was from the hospital... A painful call that shattered the hearts of many, especially mine.
When I got to my parent's place, I met my Sister who was teary, but I didn't cry. Maybe I did, but not outside... I felt bitterness within me. My heart ached and I was drained when I settled down. I couldn't sleep, I was troubled. The pain felt was foreign and I needed to be calm. The sea wasn't that far from my parent's house but it was too late for me to venture out. All I could do was imagine. I don't know about you, but I am deeply connected to the sea. I love the sea and the air around it calms me down which was what I needed. I could cry no more and no matter how deeply pained I felt, I never got a call to tell me he was awake.
So I imagined... I imagined myself laying in an ocean where the waves are calm and my body wet from soaking myself deep in it.
I felt my body respond and in a jiffy, I was lost in solitude. All I could feel and taste was the presence of the water that surrounded me and camped me in like a lover does to welcome the full length of his or her beloved lover. The feeling was calming and I felt the water fill my face and brought a salty taste to my lips... Maybe that was my tears. I couldn't help but laugh sarcastically and had my Sister hold my face to clean off the tears that wet me as the ocean had done.
A picture can indeed speak a thousand words, and these are the words it spoke to me. The words that recall a lost soul.
Staring at the picture above, what words does it speak to you? Care to share the details? Please tag me in as I would love to read your responses too. You can join in here for a better understanding.
Still yours truly,
Balikis.
Thanks for reading.
Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.