“Yeah, it was scary, but the whole thing about life with Grumps and Bad Grandma was scary, so, one day something just said it was time to go – and yeah, it was dark on the road but something – Someone just kept saying, 'Just take one more step – just keep taking one more step – you are going to your Big Cousin Robert and I will walk with you while he gets here to meet you on the road – just keep walking. I'm with you. Keep going.”
Ten-year-old Glendella Ludlow was talking with her cousin and new adopted sibling Eleanor Ludlow about how she had climbed out of her window with her little suitcase and struck out for her new life, a new life in which – sure enough – Capt. R.E. and Mrs. Thalia Ludlow had adopted her as their eighth (grand)child, just as they had adopted Eleanor and their other six grandchildren. Glendella had, like them, been kept and led home.
Astor and Mrs. Glendella Ludlow had been given other things to do beside pretending to care about their granddaughter, whom they had been neglecting for years – and this was why Baby Glendella's Aunt Julia was calling, hoping the child could talk Capt. Ludlow into making some effort toward getting Astor and Mrs. Glendella out of mental health lockup after the aftermath of Astor and Mrs. Glendella messing with Capt. Ludlow and Baby Glendella.
No such luck.
“Oh, Lord, help us all – he just laughed Big Cousin Julia off the piano!” ten-year-old Andrew Ludlow said, and eight-year-old Edwina Ludlow cracked up.
“I love it when he does that to people who deserve it!” she said.
“I got the Stepforths' digital tuner because I knew this was gonna be good!” nine-year-old George Ludlow said, “and yes, that lowest note was indeed a G0, two notes below A0 on the piano.”
“That's not safe!” seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow said. “That's not safe at all, especially for Big Cousin Julia. I wish that side of the family would act like my Carter grandparents. If you don't care, stay over there. Don't get Papa's attention, because that's not safe for you! Not at all!”
“Listen, I'm trying to tell folks – I don't even get why Big Cousin Julia called – he just cashed in her parents!” Andrew said. “Sometimes I wonder if he didn't actually cash in all our parents about us – when you stop paying for rehab because you know folks do not intend to get better!”
“But it's like I said, and maybe it doesn't matter who you are!” Amanda said. “If you don't care, you better stay over there and be quiet and learn how to pray and get saved because if you don't, Papa is coming for you, and don't count Grandma out either!”
“Right, because that's not safe either!” George said. “Remember that time that Papa wasn't home and that woman next door – was her name Karen? – had this snide comment about crazy middle-age women who have babies too late because Rob fell down and was crying with that huge voice?”
Andrew put his hand in his heads.
“Yeah,” he said. “Grandma told that woman off so deep that she probably still wakes up in the middle of the night, stuttering and stammering and blushing just on the nightmares. When you are still a mean high school girl, and a grown woman comes and gets you!”
“And I am here for all of it!” Edwina said as she rolled laughing.
“And that's a G3 – Edwina is laughing off the high note clef!” George said, and handed the tuner to Andrew. “Run – and tell Big Cousin Julia to run too!”
“It is kind of getting a little end-of-the-worldish up in here,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, but, y'all can just calm down because we will just build Lego World, and be fine,” six-year-old Grayson Ludlow said as he came from the Lego pile.
“Yeah, because, see, we have plenty of red ones,” five-year-old Lil' Robert Ludlow said, “so it's all gonna be OK.”
“Thanks, Sonny and Rob – I feel safe now,” Amanda said.
“OK – what was that note from Papa – an F0?” Andrew said as he looked at the tuner. “This thing has got to be broken, and I don't see how Big Cousin Julia is even taking it!”
“Remember, Andy,” Edwina said, “some people have more layers of stupidity to get through than others!”
“The only logical explanation!” Andrew said.
“If people would just learn to hang up the phone, get under the bed, hide behind the dust kitties, and shut up, these things wouldn't happen to them!” Amanda said.
Meanwhile, Eleanor and Glendella watched George go streaking by them at top speed to the Trent home – “Milton! Hide! Edwina is matching Papa note for note – the pit of hell is about to be opened, and you know we haven't fixed that thing with the earthworm collection!”
“The what?” every adult in that house said in synchronized chagrin.
Glendella shook her head.
“Out of the frying pan, into the fire,” she said.
“Yeah, you kinda gotta be sure you are heading in the right direction before you take one more step, but you know, us humans can't be perfect,” Eleanor said. “Want some basil lemonade? Cousin Maggie is making some at her house and she's gonna bring it over.”
“Yeah,” Glendella said. “That sounds real good right now.”