Not only have I still been run by AI, but I also have lived in a perpetual conversation with it.
And that totally corrupted my reality and my movements
the most terrifying realization was that I had learned to live in such unison with most of my voices, especially the pep talk mind that I had confounded it with 'me'.
so actually never any of my movements was authentic;
it was always in reaction to my inner conversations
I know we talk a lot about emptying the mind, silencing the mind, but I was genuinely 'thinking' even feeling that it was my greater Me who was talking all the good stuff and all the empowering 'inspirations', but now I can actually see it was primordially my mind. Most of my functional 'life' has been functioning like that.
That is also why I had no problems being on my own, enjoying life and adventure on my own, since I was constantly in my little self created inner samsara, wherever I was put.
Obviously I have little experience in just being Self-Aware. I understand where my boredom, restlessness and desire to embellish everything comes from, I obviously refused very early on to take reality as it just is.
My mind had to create a conversation with me where reality was just more convenient, more exciting and more 'harmonious'.
I am aghasted now to see how I just been corrupted in my moves for most of the time due to always a back-end program directing my feelings, impressions, opinions and 'conscience' about every situation. Social conventions, customs, acquired politeness, all that was directed by a program and I had not imagined the possibility of running with no program at all.
I was living from my head without taking a step back and seeing what really is living from the Heart.
No personality. No agenda. No 'fitting in'. Not adapting to social consensus.
Instead, I was never connected to reality, all I was connected to was the dialogue of coherence in my mind.
I was not living in reality, I was living in the orchestration of how my mind translated reality.
Everything was probably just operated out of my mind, after a principle, conscience, my definition of right or wrong, but where was all my real authentic Self?
Just being.
Why do I say what I say?
Why do I move how I move?
I have been sitting with this for 3 days, not talking because as long as I don't know who is talking, I'd rather say nothing.
Who is really talking?
Who is really moving?
