Homegrown Collage = Internets + Luv
Vermouth is a notoriously dry mouth. Pour a thimbleful of vermouth into a bottle of gin and get a truckload of sand. Toss in an olive, and it’s petrified wood, which is a tree so terrified it bursts into flames and starts screaming commands like “remember you said you weren’t going to drink tonight” and “you should probably call in sick tomorrow.”
Thanks to climate change, the mouth of the Colorado River is sometimes near dry as vermouth. Then it attracts sand cats, which you’d think were fish, but you’d be drunk. Charlie Poole thought, if the river was whiskey, it wouldn’t be so uptight. It would still roast duck though.
T. Coraghessan Boyle fished stories from that river, and it’s fun to say T. Coraghessan Boyle until your lips are chapped. It’s sillier to say Breece D'J Pancake with a sunburnt tongue. Pancakes are notoriously dry too. Nobody could choke down a single crumb but for the trees of Vermont. Never pour pancake on a vermouth tree, or risk igniting a pandemic.