This column is not why she did wear white although she isn't a virgin or why he did have to propose in this modern time, but about changes, different norms and values. I'm sure you agree that everything has changed and will change just like we people change. So no, this is not the whining from an older person longing for the good, old days. All I want is to make clear changes happen. They happen unnoticed and only if you look back you can tell the difference and wonder what caused it.
As a child, I was taught to introduce myself nicely. It was important to greet someone, shake hands, look into their eyes and say my name. I was not allowed to speak withoutbpermission, not to interfere adults and I had to finish my plate. Of course praying before and after meals and, before going to bed was a must just like reading the bible.
My life was filled with rules and dont's, what I should was to be a good girl, to be liked by his and my parents. Some rules were simple and became a habit like going to the toilet as soon as I get out of bed, before I go out, or step into bed just like washing my hands. I learnt that in shops I should not touch anything (you look with your eyes not with your hands!) and that I cannot buy everything I see. I had to save for later even though no one could tell when exactly later started. The common answer on my questions was: I tell you once you are older. (I became older but I'm still waiting for all the answers.)
Wearing the right clothes was important. Clothes for school, clothes for playing outside, old panties and socks at night and something special for Sundays and holidays. I was not allowed to look too bare as I could catch a cold (which I never did). Wearing a miniskirt was very common though. Girls back then mainly wore skirts and dresses, not trousers, and they sat neatly upright and with their legs together, no crossed legs either. All I just described was part of the raising a child and preparing it for a life in the future. Just like brushing teeth after waking up even if I hadn't eaten or drunk anything all night, and of course after every meal and especially before going to bed.
So many rules were taught in a brute way in my childhood, but many disappeared. What was once quite normal was suddenly no longer necessary. Standards and values often changed unnoticed. For example suddenly, shops were allowed to open on Sundays once a month and people went out on Sundays. Some went for a drive by car (the Sunday drivers) others went to the cinema or the swimming pool. Sunday slowly stopped being the most miserable and boring day of the week. It was no longer necessary to take a day of rest once a week. What people needed most was a break. The more one could go out and do outdoors on Sunday the less often church was attended. More and more churches (faiths) merged and going to church was no longer a rule but act you did on a special occasion like Christmas only.
With many of the rules imposed, I was not always clear why it had to be done, what exactly the point of it was, and today I wonder about the added value of many things. Have all these rules made me a better, happier person? Am I more appreciated by family, my fellow human beings? Am I more self-reliant, less often sick and dependent than all those people who did not live by the rules imposed in my childhood. Rules that were literally beaten into me? Today my parents will say it never happened or times were different back then. Despite their preaching and aggression, most likely the do not value all those rules themselves and never really did.
No, I have not become a better person because I am polite, because I stick to my word, keep my promises and you can count on me. I am one of those few loyal people, a hard worker, and have a sense of duty but it didn't help me forward. It has turned out exactly the other way round. For years, I attracted the wrong people, was exploited, abused, laughed at, back stabbed and only after I gave up on all these, old-fashioned rediculious, rules beaten into me my life became better.
Indeed I stopped praying a long time ago, as a child I gave up on praying before I went to sleep. After all, our dear Lord is not St Nicholas and if you want a better life you will have to work for it yourself. Praying before and after dinner has always struck me as weird too. After all, it was never god who did the shopping, nor did he pay for it. That food on my plate wasn't prepared by him. It was my mother who worked day and night to make a huge income and funnel amounts of money through it. I was the one who dragged bags full of groceries into the house every Friday. I went to the baker, butcher, greengrocer, the florist and the grocery (today you call it the supermarket). I cycled up and down for a whole afternoon after school and spent many years of my life standing in line at a counter or checkout to wait for my turn.
That perpetual waiting for my turn is also a consequence of being neatly brought up. When I wait neatly in the queue, I see how others keep pushing forward. They did not receive the brutal upbringing I did, an upbringing that peers even marvel at. I was in a strict school, one of those where teachers beat children and reading comic books was forbidden. We queued neatly at the door before entering the building. No coats were allowed in the classroom, no one wore caps and there were no school bags. The school provided books and notebooks, and also the first ink pen, pencils and later the ballpoint pen. Nowadays, you have to buy everything yourself and even if so the school demands high amounts because it is always short of money and students even sit in the cold because the heating is not allowed to be used. My youngest live a complete different life as I did. Where I cooked, cleaned and walked to school, they were taken by car and go by public transport. It takes them about 4 hours traveling a day.
All that hygiene and health that has been beaten into me is not important these days. For years, my children have visiting schools that telling them to wash their hands but soap, towels and toilet paper are nowhere to be found. The pungent urine smell brings tears to your eyes when you enter the school, not to mention the lice infestation, the unkempt hair, dirty faces, tired children and the many rotten teeth and molars, whether or not filled. Just like the school doctor, thedentist is a thing of the past. People can not afford it, insurances no longer pay for it and children mainly live from candies and lemonade. It is sad to see how much society has deteriorated. In just a few decades, what has been built by at least two generations from an early age on, has already been demolished. Whether this is bad or necessary, I leave it up to you, after all, this is about the added value of the norms and values that I (perhaps the reader too) were taught during in my youth. Values that I haven't really benefited from in my life.
Those who are about 10 to 20 years old cannot remember much of what life was like back then but I'm sure they notice differences too. Back then the cinema and television was still special. Television broadcasted only a few hours a day (mainly from 6 or 7 pm till 11 pm). Going to the theater and cinema was normal and special, and there were still real restaurants (no fast food cold junk) where you were served and tablecloths and napkins were common. People greeted, sang while they walked, and talked to each other. Not everyone had a landline, or car, and children played outside after school. Having a watch was a luxury. Board games were played with the whole family and at half past three in the afternoon it was tea time. A cooked meal was served around noon and the evening meal was not called dinner.
We didn't drink much and we're not dehydrated. We didn't eat much and cared about vegetables, fruits, meat and milk. Soda and chips were an exception, hardly anyone was snacking through the day or night. Enough was enough. The snack bar sold French fries, frikandel and etiquette only. We had no CDs, DVDs, the video tape had not yet been invented and there was no computer or internet. Letters were handwritten not by email and we went in bed early. Little children never stayed up after 7 pm. The evening was meant for adults.
All the news, what happened in America was not important to us, neither were the Hollywood movies. All the screaming, scolding, drama, soaps and drama queens were introduced later by Dr. Phil, Oprah Winfrey and other shows. We sat in amazement and felt disgusted watching those people. We couldn't help but believe they were crazy, people without standards, values raging like animals, not even able to speak civilly.
Slowly but surely one's own standards, values that were once important, were diluted. Today we no longer introduce ourselves. We don't care what the name of the person is we talk to or even spend the night with. We no longer ask for names, how do you do, and live as anonymously as possible. With the anonymity comes the lack of real contact, intimacy and loneliness but it also introduced the bullies, keyboard heroes and scammers of a new order.
The fellow man has become noisy to the point of irritating. Loud, destructive, bored, aggressive, and those raised differently will have to learn not to be like that. The only way to avoid being affected is to stay away from humankind since one has to be extremely flexible to fit in such a world and it eats energy to change into a brawler jus to be heard.
If it comes to rules, norms, values we are no longer as free as only a few years ago. Freedom of speech is history just like good health care and education. It's no longer the church or the headmaster who dictates the law but the governments who let the WEF pull their strings. We let the last bit of power taken away from us by those we pay to work for us, to protect us. This abusement, the lies, keeping up appearances, including starting fights and waiting others their money remind me of my parents. They are the same hypocrites as those who say they care but only care about their own wallet. We no longer show respect to our fellow man such as the doctor, mayor or police officer or anyone we might need in the nearest future, these are no sacred people so why keep giving your voice to people who killed so manny in the past years?
We might think we are freer, can choose ourselves, but in reality everything we do is decided for us. That free choice is a choice between the given A an B and even a no is rarely accepted. Mors and more freedom is taken away each day again without us noticing it. If you live with too many people on a square meter, you cannot do without (strict) rules but it has to come from both sides. If not it's dictatorship. We all know humans can irritate each other easily so we need rules if we live with many on one square meter. What we need too is freedom of choice, the right to be an individual, different from the rest. The world with all the luxury we have today is built by hard working, creative people. Individuals who thought out something different than the rest of us. Most of them were not liked, seen for a threat and died poor but keep in mind if these people didn't fight for their ideas who would and what would your life look like today?
See @mariannewest for the daily prompt
Prompt used: Why did he have to propose