The real problem: the cold shiver
The uncontrollable shaking,
The silent scream escapes my lips
No herb to calm it down, none.
Tears start falling down my face,
Their hot fury knows no end,
They don't know how to let up.
There was a day once upon a time,
When none of it even mattered,
The stuff I had totally pressed out,
The feeling of helplessness,
The cold sweat, racing thoughts,
Feeling like death, sniffing more,
Watching as my entire life plays,
Like a movie in my head, ruthless,
Like an insect in the grass, disgusting,
Like a bomb in the city, terrifying.
What mattered then, is no more.
What happened then, is no more.
My mind won't let it rest again,
The thoughts come back stronger now.
Why does it always have to hit hard,
Nothing else can even compare,
My head is just swimming, lost,
In a world that refused to understand,
In a place where no one tried to help,
In a city of evil, the devil himself showed up.
He told me I had no hope left,
He told me I couldn't get out,
He told me that no matter what,
I was a prisoner of my own misery.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
I hate him like them. Their cold faces,
Harsh, piercing words, screams, tears,
What was left of the sentiment,
What was left of the cold heart I held onto,
Is no more, the feeling is one of broken dreams,
On the lonely road I've always walked,
With everyone else on the highway,
Streamlined to happiness, to serenity.
What ever happened to the world?
Once so nice, now just cold to me,
It left me at its back door, locked out,
With no key, I've been searching for years,
Lost and found, broken, passed out again
From another attack, this one worse,
My hands just shake now, slowly,
All I want is a chance to ask them why,
To ask them how, to ask them why.
Why did they abandon me?
Why did they shun me from everything,
Growing up in upper-middle class America,
Without a family or hope of one,
It's like a never-ending allegory for my life,
The struggle doesn't ever end,
The feelings don't go away, why did they leave?
Why did they have to go?
I did nothing wrong, a victim of circumstance,
Always left waiting around for someone
Who will never come back, why?
What did I do to deserve being haunted?
What did I ever do to deserve the hate?
I did nothing wrong, I just lay there,
As they just walk out over and over again,
It's just like before, except now it's worse…