As you can see by the date in the title, The Unreal World released over a year into the regular series' run. It hit shelves between issues 11 and 12 to paper over a time when the normal book was having trouble making deadlines. So why put this one-shot all the way back here instead of giving it its own entry later?
Two reasons. First, because in the Gen 13 Backlist Trade Paperback, this story gets lumped in along with other interlude issues like 0 and 1/2. Second, despite writer Mike Heisler telling us the story takes place "Before Gen 13 #8" on the first page, it doesn't make sense from a chronology perspective to have it happen after issue 7. Gen 13 issues 3 - 5 are their own self-contained story arc, so it's impossible for this story to happen in the middle of that; issues 6 and 7 are the same. While there is technically time for The Unreal World to happen between issues 7 and 8, or between issues 5 and 6, narrative-wise it makes more sense if it happens prior to the kids hopping halfway around the world in issue 3. The characters still have that "trying on this super hero bit" vibe, so I'm placing this episode right between issues 1 and 2. That's technically "before Gen 13 #8", so I'm not contradicting Heisler so much as pinning him down to a more exact time frame.
Yes, I am one of those nerds.
I'll say this for The Unreal World...it certainly opens with a heaping dose of WTF-ness:
Caitlin "Katie" Fairchild is doing the 'Sarah Connor From Terminator' routine, working as a waitress, servicing the rank-and-file assholes who make life a nightmare for people in food service in sunny La Jolla, California. My first thought on seeing this back in the day was maybe she's gone undercover to find a Gen-Active short-order cook, or some villainous mastermind is using a restaurant front to serve up combo meals of chaos and trouble.
If you think that sounds too absurd for a comic book, might I remind you that the Decepticons once hatched a nefarious scheme to syphon the planet's fuel supply through the deployment of automated car wash systems, so . . .
But no, turns out she's literally just working as a waitress. We also learn that, while she's still as strong as an ox, she's also clumsy enough to trip over her own two feet, sending the pending lunches crashing to the floor. This gets her chewed out by her manager, Mr. Marony, as it's not exactly her first offense:
We immediately have our second question of the book, as Marony asks Katie if this is how Lord Cull expects them to behave. Who the hell is Lord Cull? Reduced to tears, Katie finishes out her, lamenting she must be the most miserable person in the world.
Cut to a half mile away, St. Genevieve's School For Girls, where it Roxanne Spaulding is dining alone again in the cafeteria. A trio of troublemakers talking among themselves reveal that Roxanne is living in the convent with the nuns, because her parents didn't want her. After she blows off the three mean girls, their leader, Kirby, starts a food fight. Roxanne is swept up in the ruckus, and naturally gets into trouble despite not being the one to start it. Sitting outside the office while another instigator is berated, she ponders the situation:
Something certainly "doesn't feel right", Roxanne.
Later, after her shift, Katie makes her way back home to her apartment which she can barely afford on her meager salary. Despite the depressing day, she looks forward to kicking off her shoes and relaxing in front of the television. This sentiment is echoed by Roxanne at the convent, as they both turn on the boob tube and tune in to the only program worth watching.
For most of the population, we learn, Cull's broadcast produces a deeply relaxing state of mind in those who watch, enough to grant them a peaceful night's rest. For Katie and Roxanne, however, the feeling subsides after a few hours, bringing forth strange dreams where they are not who they think they are:
Some sort of parallel reality, perhaps? We'll have to read on to learn more.
The next morning, back at work and doing her best to avoid smashing any more dishes, Katie makes her way past a table where Roxanne and Sister Anne are discussing Roxanne's behavior. Katie, of course, slips on the wet floor, and tumbles in a cascade of pancakes, syrup, and butter. Roxanne can't hold back her laughter, and Sister Anne admonishes her for not being more sensitive at Katie's plight. "Come now, be fair, child," she urges . . . and on comes the light switch as Roxy and Caitlin recognize one another from their dreams and the hypnotic state shatters.
After tendering her resignation the way we all wish we could have quit the horrible jobs of our past . . .
. . . Roxy and Fairchild realize they need to find Lynch. Fortunately, Roxy knows where they can find him: coaching soccer for St. Genevieve's, discussing the importance of controlling one's balls.
Fairchild and Roxy find him easily enough, but he doesn't know who they are. Caitlin has an idea to break the hold over him, which involves threatening to break his arms if he doesn't snap out of it. It takes a few panels, but Lynch comes to his senses with the declaration that he can think of only one person who could be behind the hypnosis. Go ahead and say it with me, class:
"LORD CULL!!"
Damn, you guys are awesome! Full marks all around!
With the spell now broken, the trio make their way across town to the La Jolla hacienda they call home. They expect to discover a completely run-down wreck, as they have memories of their "hypnotized" lives going back years. To their surprise, however, the house looks barely touched. No signs of a struggle, and no indication that they've been gone more than a matter of a few days. Lynch hypothesizes this is due to Cull's formidable skill at mental manipulation -- two or three days may have passed for them, but Cull implanted a lifetime's worth of old memories to re-write their original ones. Whoever this Cull is, and whatever he's done to the people of California, it happened very suddenly and very recently.
Now with a better idea of what they're facing, the first order of business is to find the rest of the team. Lynch's computer is still working, and it quickly brings Grunge's, Burnout's, and Rainmaker's energy signatures. Burnout, in fact, is right in their back yard:
When Lynch's words fail to penetrate the mental fog, Roxy just sets him on fire with her cigarette lighter. This activates his Gen Factor, and returns his memory. With Bobby back to his senses, Lynch wants to investigate and see if they can learn more about Cull. They turn on the television, only to be greeted with Cull's silent, yet somehow comforting, visage. They shake off the hypnotizing effect, and Lynch has the answers he's looking for. Cull's powers are strong, but they weaken without regular reinforcement. Bobby, bumming around outside the La Jolla house for the last few days and without access to a television, was easy to deprogram. He hypothesizes that pulling the plug on Cull's TV operations will bring the rest of the city back to its senses.
Caitlin isn't so sure this is a great idea though:
Lynch and Roxy talk Fairchild out of doing the old "turn on, tune in, and drop out" routine, explaining that even if their normal lives are crap, it's better that they control their own destinies rather than allowing someone else to take away their free will. Fairchild agrees, apologizes for her momentary weakness, and they set off to find Grunge and Rainmaker.
They locate Grunge in one of the swankiest joints of yuppie-dom in all of downtown San Diego:
Fortunately, Roxy has a tried-and-true way of bringing back the uncultured doofus we all know and love . . .
. . . and it's off to find Rainmaker. Sarah's potentially the most dangerous member of the group given her ability to channel electricity, so figuring out how to bring her around without a dust-up could be tricky.
Never mind, that was simple!
Not only was Rainmaker not turned by Cull, but she also knows an awful lot about both him and his power. It appears Sarah may not be Sarah after all, but there's no time to worry about that now, because here comes Cull to demonstrate what a badass he is in the field of reality distortion!
The big bad guy's shown up, so it's time to make with the fighty-fight. Caitlin, Roxy, Burnout, and whoever's controlling Rainmaker all mix it up with Cull while Grunge tries not to puke and Lynch looks for weaknesses in Cull's defenses. With Rainmaker's help, he notices that while Cull isn't cowed by their attacks, the ones that do hit home reveal something interesting: the energy he pulls to soak up the damage causes him to momentarily lose control of the illusions covering their surroundings.
Armed with that knowledge, Lynch coordinates an attack which reveals a large portion of the surrounding apartment. Grunge takes the opportunity to grab the glass cover of a candle holder off a nearby table, and absorbs its structure using his Gen-Factor ability. While Cull is distracted, Grunge gets in close enough to touch him, and . . .
Reality instantly returns, as Cull's defeat in the unreal world has resulted in his defeat in the real one too. This allows the being controlling Rainmaker (a witch calling herself Rhiannon) to pop her Astral form out of Sarah's body. With Cull defeated, the broadcasts will stop, and everyone will wake up tomorrow as if they've had really bad dreams. Rhiannon makes a comment about the close bond shared by Roxy and Caitlin, then departs for her own body.
Grunge remembers he left his lunch on the table at home, Rainmaker comes groggily to her senses, and we all share a chuckle with them as the book ends. That, loyal readers, is Gen 13: The Unreal World #1.
Final Score:
out of
Mike Heisler, as far as I'm concerned, can write for Gen13 any time. The guy's got great plotting skills, has a good handle on the characters, and the perfect sense of humor for this type of story. His dialog is just fine...not as good as Choi or Adam Warren, but it gets the job done without being too distracting. The only thing I didn't like was the info-dump wrap-up on the very last page, but given how much time he took setting up the mystery, this was understandable. About the only gag which doesn't work in retrospect is Caitlin punching the entire front façade off the restaurant. It's hilarious and understandable by comic logic, but Fairchild only resorts to collateral damage when she feels like she doesn't have a choice. There's no reason here why she shouldn't just walk out the door, other than because Heisler thought this was funnier. It is funny, just not terribly true given Fairchild's established character.
Where Heisler really scores big points with me is the way he handles Caitlin's response to learning about Cull's brainwashing/mind warping. This is another thing which points to the story taking place early in the series' chronology: Caitlin's still very much conflicted about being the team leader, and her connection to her old way of life is quite strong. I absolutely buy that her reaction to the situation might well mimic Cypher's line from The Matrix: "Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?"
Humberto Ramos's art, on the other hand . . . ?
Man, I don't know. Ramos isn't a bad artist, and Wildstorm would actually hire him as the primary artist on DV8 a few years later, but here, his handling of legs and feet, especially on Fairchild, are laughably incorrect. Caitlin, and to a lesser extent Roxy, suffer the most under his pencils due to an inability to control his proportions. I've got no beef with the way he draws Burnout, Rainmaker, Grunge, or Lynch, but Fairchild's lower legs are the same length as her entire torso, and her feet would make Shaq's look tiny by comparison.
For the few pages where the group is in the reality-distorting Astral Plane projected by Cull, Ramos's style works perfectly though. In fact, he has an outright blast, drawing Roxy with a pair of melons on her chest that would shame Dolly Parton, and Burnout pulling a Mister Fantastic despite being a Human Torch analog. Ramos's art worked for DV8, but at the time The Unreal World came out, I was used to Jim Lee and Jeff Campbell's renderings of the gen-actives, and Ramos's versions left something to be desired. If there's any story which called for a guy who treats body types like a funhouse mirror though, I have to admit it's this one.
On the other hand, despite his trouble with portion control, Ramos executes some terribly effective visual reaction panels here, with help from Troy Hubbs's inks. Lynch's change from worrisome, disbelieving soccer coach back to his old self, told in two panels which are nothing but facial reaction shots, is awesome. His battle scenes, likewise, are dynamic and fluid, but since the only real combat occurs within the last few pages, we only get a hint of this. Hubbs and Ramos work very well as a team, and Heisler penned a story about a twisted reality which played into their talents. If he didn't pick them specifically for this project, then whichever editor paired them up deserved a raise for this one.
Thanks for reading, and don't worry: I promise the next entry will see us move on to issue #2 with a big ol' heaping help of fisticuffs, tanning lotion, and hairy, scantily-clad men. Kind of like that time I walked through the wrong door in that massage parlor.
See you in seven, krunk-heads. Zorker out!