Somewhere in Iraq with dodgy internet and a broken lift.
@amirtheawesome1 : Thanks for coming everybody. It's been a turbulent week. I had to coax @ogeewitty down from a bridge after Arsenals defeat, try and find someone in Sportstalksocial that is in charge and on top of that the facking lift is broken down again in the apartment I've to walk all the way to the 5th floor giving my father a piggy back. The ire is off the charts, my arse cheeks are red raw and I need some cheering up!
So I want to look over the posts we got in last week for the comtest where there was 250 Hive as prize money.
@lisfabian what do you have for me. Remember no bloody GIF's I hate GIFS.
We know Amir.
Well we received quite a good turn out but it was a strange one. Because the rewards are very generous here it seems people are tailoring their posts so they can enter the contest. Some are more horror stories than actual comedy posts and I actually ended up in tears crying during one of them as the photos of the beating were horrific. Another was entitled "My brother has been Eaten by a Crocodile." which photographed the dregs and remains of his darling brother Uboto. He turned it into a Comedy Post by pretending to be Crocadile Dundee from the hit 80s film. He went in search of his brothers killer with just a knife like Crocodile Dundee did.
Well that is quite funny I suppose.
He lost an arm.
Oh. That's not funny.
He messaged us on Discord after the post telling me that it took him 8 hours to type the post with one hand.
Oh God . Let's park that one for now.
@merit.ahama what do you have for us? Remember my no GIF's policy.
What about memes?
Once they are not moving then I'm alright with a meme.
OK that is good to know.
Well Amir I too read quite a few posts. One person's engine broke down in the middle of nowhere and he had to drink his own urine to stay alive.
Oh God, not funny.
They he discover there was a 5 litre bottle of water in his trunk.
Oh now that's quite funny.
Turns out it was 5 litres of salt water.
Oh nooo!
It was OK there was a gas station up ahead.
Oh Phew.
When he walked in there was an armed robbery.
Oh no!
He still made his way to the fridge for a drink.
And what happened?
He got shot for not staying on the ground by the robber.
Is he OK?
Yeah but he was shot on his right arm so had to type with his left hand. Took him hours to write the post. Contacted me on Discord.
Jesus he had a bad day.
Ok Ok so crocodile arm and shot in the arm urine drinker are in with a chance. We find it funny but I doubt it was a party for these guys.
Have we any comedy posts that don't end in decapitation??
What about you @thisismylife?
Oh I have a guy that took a hilarious story about finding his grandmother under her bed.
How did she end up under her bed?
Well she had some kind of heart attack or stroke or something and fell out of her bed. She landed on her side.
Okkkkkkk????
Then obviously she rolled from her side onto her back and this caused her to end up under her bed.
How long was she under there for??
Oh about 3 days!
3 days???????
Is she OK?
No they buried her last week!!
Ah for fuck sake @thisismylife that is terrible.
Seriously people can we stop it right there. These comedy posts are more terrible sequences of events. Comedy they are not. No deaths or loss of limbs from now on guys. Seriously.
Right @dandays you are up what did you read?
Well 10 out of the 12 are loss of life. 1 is a post full of GIFs. But I think I have a good one guys.
There is this restaurant called Scotties in Ireland that has a challenge called the 5 x 5 where you have to eat 5 half pounder burgers , 5 stripes of bacon, 5 slices of cheese, on a toasted bun with 1 pound of chips and a pound of coleslaw in 30 minutes.
Jesus christ @dandays this is great content.Hahaha. How can anyone manage all that food?
Nobody came near to it until , wait for it, a Hive user named @connorf did it and wrote about it as well in comedyopenmic.
This guy did it in 22 minutes. Real good news story this. He is not a big fucker either. More a smaller frame who can put food away in volumes. Some man. I am delighted for him. He even published a post but he didn't finish it for some reason but I still think it is worthy of the top prize. Sure all the rest are like a horror story no??
OK give the guy the 250 Hive, he deserves it. It's rather funny actually eating all that food in 22 minutes. As long as there are none of them GIFs. I will publish the post this evening. Can someone check if he did all the hashtags and that he had read a few other posts. What were the hashtags this week?
#lol #lolz #lolly #lollykins #fun #funny #funtastic #fuN #comtest and #comedy.
Ok it looks like he has liked @blanchy post about Amirs hatred of everything GIFFY and he has also liked the puppet guy who has the funniest posts on the planet. Great . We have a winner. @conorf . Wooooooooo
[Clap hands]
One day later .
AMMMMM Amir can I have a word. We may need to redo the winner
Oh jesus christ I have had it with Community. This is the last straw . I am shutting it down.