My last post here was on the happenings in a typical Nigerian kitchen. This time around, I'd be sharing the occurrences in a Nigerian home.
UnsplashAre you even Nigerian if this doesn't happen in your house??
Some/all are peculiar to every home. I promise, it'll be fun. Leggo!
Once you go out to watch movies in you neighbours house, without finishing up your chores, just beg them to allow you sleep in their house because....
Once you are not around, your own share of suya will be in the traah can (you'd hear something like "check the traah and see what you missed.") But if it is garri and soup, they'll keep it very well for you.
If you're sick and you laugh, nothing is wrong with you.
If you're fat, you're healthy. If you're slim, you're sick.
Whatever you do, you dare not touch those creatures -laatborns.
The liquid soap is never finished. Just add water and shake it well because we are management and management is us.
You dare not discard the ice cream container. It'd be used to store soup later.
Religion and education are not optional.
If you sleep during prayers, then you're possessed.
You dare not talk back at your parents. If you do, then you've joined cult(for boys) and you now have a boyfriend brainwashing you(for girls).
Butter container is meant for storing ground pepper.
When you cook alone, you take 30minutes. Cooking with your mum comes with 2hours of slaps depending on where her hand reaches first, 7 knocks depending on how you Dodge and of course, free insult.
You just have to remain still when your mum wants to slap you. Any attempt or attempted attempt to hold her hand and Dodge the slap, then you're termed a hooligan and family meeting don sure for you
The tin of milk usually finishes before the tin of milo. We cannot even tell why.
Spoons are prodigal. They disappear anyhow. Only God knows how they develop legs.
The remaining stew from almighty Sunday rice is converted to jollof rice either on Monday or Tuesday morning.
Sitting down and pressing phone can make you sentenced to two hours of wrestle mania with your mum.
Even if hour mother is right there with you, she must call your name as if you're in Cotonou and my dear, you must answer with same energy.
The day I kept quiet because I thought she would just tell me what it is she wanted from me....Kai! Let me just be thankful that I am still alive today.
Familiar, right?
Anyone I missed, do well to tell me in the comments.
Thanks for gracing this post.
Greetings!