It is my pleasure to be the person that she always turns around and looks for in the crowd. To be the cause of her nervous smiles and those gestures of genuine joy that I see every time I am part of the audience at the various dance competitions I attend. I know that the path of a single mother is not easy. Even less so for one who owes nothing to anyone and who has chosen for her daughter to have everything she needs to be happy without the burden of emotional blackmail.
Today's post is perhaps something very intimate, personal. Passionate. But not because I can't be more ‘cold’, no. In fact, it is the result of a conversation I had with my partner. He, by way of confession, told me that if he were in my shoes he wouldn't be able to be as miltifunctional for my daughter as I am. He was referring to attending dance competitions, road trips on weekends and above all the tremendous stress that comes with it.
From his perspective, a hobby was not worth the effort. Of course, I must make it clear that his opinion was not expressed with bad intentions. On the contrary, she wanted to show me admiration for the decisions that I, as a mother, make for the benefit of my daughter's wishes and joys. I should also add that there is something that children do not understand well and that adults do, and that is that dreams are often achieved if you have the right people by your side. Personally, I don't know if my little girl will be a future professional dancer or maybe she will end up being an accountant. By her side, I will certainly be....
However, having this little conversation with him helped me to keep in perspective the value of sacrifice. Saturdays, Sundays, weekdays, money, allowances, buying outfits, make-up, sequins, etc. These are some of the things that are behind every 8-minute dance routine on different stages. For me, there is no goal. I just wish that I have a splendid childhood and that I never have to say that ‘my mother was not there for me’. I have seen too many times, too many people go through similar, similar things. And there is a sadness in those eyes that is impossible to extinguish.
Always I remember how they look. And I make a promise to myself and to my baby. I do not want to be a cause of pain for my little girl. On the contrary, what I try to do is for her to recognise in me, her mother, a partner in life. A reliable figure and a pillar for everything. From the good things to the things that might bother or disappoint me.... I don't care how tired I am or what I'm supposed to be doing with my time. I choose to be somewhat irrational in order to love and support my daughter completely. My first and most important love of all.
All photographs and content used in this post are my own. Therefore, they have been used under my permission and are my property.
