Hello dear fathers and mothers of this beautiful community, I hope you are doing well and have a great weekend.
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I want to touch on a topic, especially for single or separated mothers, and it is about when you want to formalize a relationship and how is the process of adaptation with your children and your new partner. I decided to touch this topic because it is a very hard part, almost taboo for single mothers and I didn't have moral support haha and I couldn't vent with anyone about this, personally for me it was difficult and I also received some criticism too, which only increased the difficulty of this process.
Surely for other mothers it could have been easier or there may be mothers who still do not take this step out of fear and I totally understand them. In a society where a mother must be selfless and her only duty is to take care of her child and nothing else, it is complicated to start a relationship, there is a lot of pressure and a lot of finger pointing, as a single mother I suffered all these prejudices and unhealthy stigmas for what in itself is already very difficult, adding more drama to the situation does not help at all on an emotional level to a mother wanting to rebuild her life.
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English Version (click here)
I am not an expert on the subject, friends, but I will tell my story and everything I had to overcome to be able to continue my life without feeling guilty or judged. When I gave myself the opportunity to venture into the world of dating haha, it was a long process where I managed to understand that there is nothing wrong if I want to have a partner, it will not make me less of a mom, I told myself that I would first meet the person a time necessary to indicate me that things were on the right track before including my daughter, the hard part is having free time alone, because for example sometimes I had no one to leave my daughter with, and it made it difficult to have more interaction with the person in question to get to know them, sometimes when you say you have a daughter, they freak out haha and that's ok, you shouldn't judge.
People have the freedom to choose what they want for their life, we must also be aware that including a partner, obviously will have to interact with your child, so it must be a responsible person and a good example for the child, so not everyone is prepared for that and that's fine. The other thing is that they think they are looking for a father for your children or economic support, a common mistake and one that we must deal with, I understood that we must make things clear from the beginning, we do not want to replace the father because they already have a father, that is not going to change and obviously we take care of our children, I think and we agree that when we are mothers we simply want someone mature, responsible and willing to form a family, it is difficult because a relationship is supposed to have its dating stages where first there are no children haha, they know each other, they live together and then the children come, then relationships with single mothers are a little different in terms of conventional stages.
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Personally, it was an emotional drain, really, it is very hard, so I just gave up on that and continue my life, until I met my current partner, he writes me to a social network haha and well there we started talking, to shorten the story haha, at the time I felt that things were going well and more formal, I began to include Luna, outings to a park or eating ice cream, and so they were getting to know each other and I also see the behavior of Luna with my partner and vice versa, I must say that Luna began to be jealous, because as it was always her and me, inviting a third party as she felt she had to share me haha, the truth was difficult, so we decided to do activities where they two shared more, either games or just a conversation of any topic of interest and so little by little they created a connection of friends which made me feel better, even sometimes if my partner hugged me she would join us in the embrace, as if making herself feel hehe.
It should be noted that I was living with my parents while I was in this new relationship and they began to judge me, plus other family members and outside comments that reached my ears, comments like: "you leave your daughter to go out partying", "she is already looking for a father for the girl", "surely she will get pregnant again and be alone", "you should be dedicating time to your daughter, not looking for men", and stop counting, of course there were people who supported me only that they recommended me to be careful with what kind of people I am relating with, because another complicated part is the safety of your children, obviously we must have the emotional and mental maturity to choose people with values and principles, because there have been horrible cases where the partner threatens the safety of your stepchildren, and it was another issue that drove me crazy.
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English Version (click here)
That is why I say that for single mothers to rebuild your life with a partner is a very hard process, not for all, but I am very sure that if for most, you already deal with motherhood by yourself, you must work, you must have time to meet your future partner, you must deal with comments in bad taste, you must be aware of the kind of person you are meeting to put in the life of your children and then you must go through the process of acceptance between your child and your partner, I mean, tell me you, it provokes to stay alone better hahaha too much work hahaha. But girls, a man who recognizes your value and is emotionally mature will help you overcome many of these things, what I suggest is to go slowly, take your time, get to know the person very well, then when you feel secure, start to include your child little by little, because he or she must also adapt to the whole situation little by little, this person will understand your situation and will support you as long as it takes to be all comfortable, ignore the negative comments, I know it is difficult to be affected by them, but believe me when you know what you are doing right it doesn't matter the opinion of others.
We all have the right to rebuild our lives, seek our own happiness, that does not make us bad mothers, nor does it mean that we will neglect our children, besides mothers, we are human beings, who feel, who want to achieve things and that's fine, you show your children that you also take care of yourself, that you fight for yourself, for your happiness and give you your value. Do not be afraid or feel alluded by all the prejudices that exist, that yes, only you know and it is your responsibility to take care of you and your children so choose well, thank you very much for having come this far, I would like to read your opinion on this subject or your own experience.
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The cover image, dividers and farewell image were edited in CANVA.
