I sat down to deeply reflect on my childhood experience. Raising children isn't an easy task, and I must commend my parents for all the sacrifices. Now that I am a parent, I can understand better both their good and strict parenting towards me and my siblings; I understand that they meant well for us, and it feels good to raise children for whom you will look at them and beat your chest that you are a proud parent. Most times, children assume that their parents don't like them due to the strictness and so many boundaries, but as one grows into an adult, he will realize the positive effects of what the parents did in the past. Of course, I am aware that some parents go the extra mile in handling their kids harshly; it all boils down to individual approaches to issues. Some parents got it wrong in some ways while making efforts to raise responsible children. I will share with you how it was with me and my parents and some corrections I am making now with my children.
My kids
WHEN I WAS A CHILD...
My dad and mom engaged in different kinds of business just to make sure that my siblings and I were okay. To me, this is a whole lot of sacrifice for the love of their children. Even though they aren't rich parents, they made sacrifices to meet our feeding, schooling, and other basic needs within their capacity. They thaught us to be content with what we had. My childhood experience was filled with love, care, and attention. What my Dad did not fail to do was to ensure that our spiritual life was sound from an early stage, and I cherish his effort even though my siblings and I didn't find it funny waking up daily at that early hour for prayers.
My dad always pays attention to our academics and motivates me to keep doing better. This is another interesting part I love about him, only that he didn't fulfill some promises he used to make prior to examinations and good results.
When I was a child, my stepmom would usually lock me and my siblings outside the gate, mostly at night, when we defaulted on any single thing one could think of. Now this is so risky as some children might run away and never return home or perhaps be kidnapped in our today's world.
I remember also that I was compared with other children; I wasn't allowed to mix freely with the opposite gender, and if I have any male casual friends in school, I will keep hiding while relating with them. The very day one of my classmates, who is a boy, came to my house to make use of my notebook, hell almost let loose, all because a male visited. My parents went the extra mile to protect me, thinking that their method was the best. Well, I wasn't responsible because of their strict nature, but because I already had a godly foundation through them, and that was a good foundation I had as a child that has helped me till date. Even in my early days at the university, the strictness was still there. I remember how they checked my phone several times a day to see what kind of chats I had with people. Trust me, I wasn't comfortable with all that strictness. I understand their intention, but to me, some things they did weren't necessary.
NOW THAT I AM A PARENT...
I understand that children deserve a quality social life. A healthy one, as at that, they will learn a lot mixing with other children and not only academics. In as much as I want them to socialize with both genders, I will make sure to know their close friends very well, to the point of knowing the parents of their friends, and I will be sure to allow their friendships at our homes. With that, I can study the kinds of friends they keep and know if it's safe for them. This is a part I will correct when the time reaches
In terms of discipline, there are better ways to punish a child instead of keeping the child outside for some minutes. This punishment looks weird to me. lol. Currently, I use the deprivation method a lot and I use my rod of correction too when needed, and it's been effective.
When it comes to comparison, I now understand that every child is unique and different. I have worn patience like a garment in order to give my kids, especially my first son, time to come around and pick up as expected. Comparison can be so demoralizing to a child.
Finally choosing a career, once my kids are of age to make their own life decisions, I can only guide and support them; I wouldn't choose a career for anyone. I am also adopting the good upbringing by my parents to my kids as stated above .
Parenting is interesting; we get to learn on the journey while reflecting on the past. No parent can get this task perfectly, but the most important thing is to keep finding better ways to be a great parent to our children.
Thanks for reading!!!
Please note: all pictures are mine
