We all know that feeling. It's one of the most common insecurities, and it can crop up at any time—from a job interview, to a party, to a social media post. The fear is that if others see you for who you really are, they'll judge your character or appearance, and you'll lose their respect or acceptance.
Sometimes, the people we interact with can be so judgmental that it feels like they might be able to see right through us. We want to be good people, but sometimes it just feels like there are no good people. Or maybe we feel like we don’t have any control over what other people think of us or how they judge us.
But… who we are is not determined by anyone else’s opinions, and so there is no need to act in a way that makes others think we are something other than who we are. It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting others to “see our side” or “understand where we were coming from with our actions” when, really, there is only one side—the truth about who we really are—and it’s up to us alone whether or not others see it or understand it.
There will always be things that happen in life that aren’t fair or logical—that aren’t even fair or logical according to human logic! But these things should never become excuses for us not being ourselves because if we do, then who are we really?
But there's another way of looking at it: If you pretend to be someone else so often, isn't that the very definition of hiding the real you? You're trying to hide parts of yourself from other people so they won't judge them. And when they do judge them—as they inevitably will—you feel shocked and betrayed by their reactions and reactions as well.
I used to be really good at it. But then I realized that it wasn’t the right way to go.
When I was younger and trying to impress people, I would sometimes sneak out of my house and go to the mall or something, just so that I could be seen with a group of people. Then when we got there, I would talk about how much I loved some movie or book that no one cared about. And then once we were done talking about things no one cared about, all of us would go back home and no one knew what had happened!
Nowadays, I can see how pretending can actually make things worse because it ends up being a lie that people are forced to believe. People will start treating you differently and maybe even think less of you because they don’t know the real person behind the mask. But also, pretending can lead people on when they feel like they have gotten more than they expected from someone who is pretending to be someone else—and then they might get hurt when the truth comes out.
The problem is that pretending like you know stuff when you don’t makes people think less of you. It makes them feel like they have no idea who you are or what kind of person you are because the only thing they saw was someone pretending like they knew something that they didn’t really know! And then later on in life when people do know who you are but still don’t trust your ability to tell them stuff because they found out later on that you weren’t actually great at it after all. And that’s is a very big problem!
So what do we do about it? The answer is simple: stop pretending. Stop hiding parts of yourself from other people because they might judge those parts harshly or dismissively. Stop pretending because if everyone just showed themselves for who they really were (not who everyone else wants them to be), then everyone would have a much better chance at connecting with each other in ways.
So whatever you do, don't lie about who you really are—or just wait until everyone trusts each other enough before sharing anything about themselves!