Week from hell? Well, it's only Wednesday folks, but it could very well be defined as such. Some would say I'd fit right in down in hell, but that's only because I'm devilishly handsome and have a devilishly delightful way about me...Ok, nobody ever said that...not to my face anyway. But, fucken hell, this week has been shite so far and it would right at home down in hell.
I've not been sleeping well, a product of an over-active mind, life stresses, complications and concerns, and hell-days at work. I've been unable to shut off my noggin at night and that hasn't made for pleasant sleepy times at all, or good days following lack of sleep.
I'm more easily set off at times like this; what should be a small speed bump becomes a Mt Everest sized road block and I often don't handle things as well as I should. That's where I am at the moment; my tolerance is a little shorter and things that might usually be easily handled are a little more complicated or difficult. It's an attitude thing of course and, in short, my attitude this week is...devilishly on the fucken edge of the precipice and ready to topple over and into the abyss of fucken doom.
But what the hell?
I think you get what I mean right? I've had a few rather large client-side complications at work and they've left me having to paddle up shit creek without a paddle...but it's ok, I used the State Manager's lunch spoon for a paddle substitute. (Don't tell him please.)
It's been three days of toil and...well...here's the cool thing...I killed it! (In a good way, not like an axe murderer...although I came close.)
I guess I've learned over time and experience, success and failure and good and bad times that attitude is important and whilst we can't always keep it within the bounds of good-to-great at all times we certainly have the ability to command it; that means take ownership, show responsibility and make a concerted effort to adjust a poor attitude and move it closer to acceptable and beyond so one can finish strong.
Have you heard the term finish strong? It means, to end on a high, on a good note, in a positive place...But all of that doesn't start at the end; no, to achieve those things we need to do a whole lot of things prior to the end and quite often it's those things that require the strength all the way through to the end. It was this exact thought that lead me to the what the hell am I doing, thought which snapped me to attention.
You see, I'd been so preoccupied with my descent into hell and the feelings, emotions and actions I was taking because of the downward spiral, that I forgot to apply those lessons I'd learned throughout life. Basically I failed - failed to be the me I know I am. I capitulated and gave in to...to...(this is hard to admit)...to self pity. But folks, not for long, and that's the good thing. It's the devilishly good thing to be honest.
I hit the reset button tonight, with some devilishly good cake and a coffee after work.
It's not about the cake
It was a great slice of cake for sure, but in truth it wasn't the cake that gave me the reset, it was the moment itself.
I'd been leaping from one stone to the next in the raging torrent of my work and personal life hoping not to slip and fall in and hadn't taken that mental break I needed which sapped my strength, my strength of mind, I guess I mean. So, I took myself to a café after work, ordered a coffee and cake and set to it. I began to feel better after some thoughts of gratitude for what I have and through being kind to myself by acknowledging that my efforts have been solid and that some things are outside of my control. Taking the moment, small though it was, gave me enough of a gap to stop for a bit and see things from a fresh perspective.
My week is not going to get better I guess, the external things which I can't control aren't going away just yet; but my attitude will go a long way toward improving the most important aspects of my week, meaning myself, my state of mind, thought and attitude.
It's not always easy to sustain one's emotional energy throughout struggles and hardship but that's when it's most important to find the strength of will, or persistence and determination to do so. It's what we need to move forward through the shitty stuff and to finish strong. Besides, it could be worse right? At least I'm not my boss eating his lunch with a spoon that I used earlier to paddle up shit creek. (Seriously, don't tell him ok?)
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Any images in this post are my own