PROCESSING EMOTIONS
Emotions can be difficult to manage. Most of us were not really taught at a young age how to handle them. And as we grow older, some of us develop a reluctance to face our emotions healthily. Instead, we learn to avoid and numb our feelings through distractions.
Emotions are a part of human biology because they play an important purpose. They helped our ancestors survive. Emotions affect our motivations, actions, and interactions both in positive and negative ways. The negative effects of emotions are not really because of the emotions themselves but because of our relationship with them.
Properly handling our emotions can provide us with greater resilience during moments of disappointments. It makes us choose the right and smart decisions. It makes us connect more with others by empathizing with how they're feeling. And lastly, it can give us a sense of peace and clarity.
But how do we handle or process emotions? I'd like to share with you how I do it and how effective it is in working through my emotions especially during overwhelming scenarios. These steps are a distillation of the available knowledge I have come across and from my own experiences.
KNOWING WHEN TO STOP
The first step is to stop. Or more precisely, knowing when to just stop what you're doing and decide that you need to process your emotions. This will require time, preferably, alone. Unfortunately, we have easy access to multiple channels of distractions when we're alone. A lot of us just shove what we're feeling by consuming entertainment and hope they don't turn up again.
There is nothing wrong with entertaining yourself but one sign that you need to pause and work through your emotions is when your feelings keep bothering you for days or weeks no matter how hard you try to numb yourself or rationalize your situation.
It can be difficult to admit that there's something wrong with you or your situation. But that is always the first step to solving a problem--acknowledging it. I normally retreat to my room or pause what I'm doing and decide that I will be processing my emotions at that particular moment.
OBSERVING EVERYTHING
The next step is to immerse yourself in the emotions. This requires self-introspection and acceptance. It doesn't mean being consumed by the feelings, but you immerse yourself to observe and point out whatever it is that's bothering you.
A good starting point is to list down in your head, on paper, or a device, all your current worries. Worries can be as simple as describing a negative scenario or event. Be descriptive and detailed as possible. A lot of worries are tied to the future or how we think it will be. Worries also come from how we think others think about us. List as many worries as you can. They don't need to be related or too serious.
By this time, different emotions may come up and that's okay. It is part of the process. For some people, listing down their worries can be a relieving experience. It's like unloading weight from within.
GROUNDING IN REALITY
The third stage is perhaps the most critical. After immersing and observing, you ground yourself. Grounding means connecting and balancing yourself against something solid and unyielding, usually the earth. In this case, we ground ourselves in reality.
We do this by stating the facts concerning our worries. Again, this is a critical stage because our emotions can cloud how we see facts. The purpose of this stage is not to disregard our worries by stating the facts. It is simply stating the facts as we know them. It is tied up to the next stage.
Focusing on the present is a good starting point. Be honest in describing your current scenario. Additionally, facts can be taken from recorded events. I find that it helps when you can look something up and take it as it is. Listing down honest and reasonable expectations can also be good reality checks. Calling out false generalizations is a powerful grounding exercise. Lastly, review the stories you tell yourself. How do you really see yourself regardless of your worries?
FOCUSING ON THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL
The last stage and the most important is to be aware of your circle of control and consequently, the things outside it. Try answering the question, "What can you only do?" This stage is very important because this is where actions to be taken are listed down. This is also where we seal our emotions by letting go of the things that we have no control over.
The circle of control can be viewed through the onion model of control which also contains the circle of influence and the circle of concern. I will not be discussing them in this post. The important thing to remember is to focus only on the things that you have direct control over. So as not to complicate things, think only of the next simple action you can do. Don't make an extensive timeline of activities. That will only compound your worries. Usually, if you've properly grounded yourself in reality, knowing what to do next becomes easier.
Once you've listed down the only actions you can take which are within your control, you're done. Run through all the things you've listed in all the stages, and notice how you're feeling. Going through this process takes away the fear of uncertainties and reduces your worries by knowing what you can only do with them. Of course, the next thing to do is to perform the actions.
Take these steps the next time you find yourself worrying too much about something or someone. I went through the things I've written in my past emotional processing sessions and I'm amazed at how the things I've written greatly helped me overcome many difficult situations. With practice, processing your emotions can be as quick as a few minutes of just pausing and going through the steps above.
And that's it! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. It's not my usual travel post but it's one that I really like to share and write about. I will be diving deeper into my personal development journey here in Hive and as I've mentioned before, I intend to start a community on it. I look forward to a lot of subscribers to that community soon. For now, let me show my support to the Self Improvement Community by sharing my post here.
See you in the next post. Cheers!
