A month ago I had successful coaching, it was two (2) days of expansion and learning for all my collaborators in an extramural in which we explored the importance of self-efficacy, motivation, resilience, and change management.

I started explaining about personality layers, and a marketing manager asked me, ¿how do I know if my public image is matching my private image?.

Let me give you an example, I said to Carlos, in my case I must have CONGRUENCE, in that which even sometimes I do not know about myself (private image), which is unknown to others, in this case, that I do not want them to know or really see to what extent it is similar to what I am showing (public image).

If we get a little closer because we all have layers of personality, "attention" we will try to disguise those layers of personality not so pleasant, or pleasant, (suddenly I am very demanding in the pursuit of excellence) hahahahah. But to the extent that we manage to match what I know I need to integrate, with those aspects that I need to work on (personal improvement) with what I am showing to others, at that point, I will be being honest with myself and with others.

We should all be congruent when we recognize that we have layers of personality, and if we accept them, identify them, integrate them, and are able to be sincere, frank, and spontaneous, we will be on the road to authenticity.

People do NOT react with you... they react to what you remind them of their personal history. We are still invited to set boundaries, but keep in mind: It's not personal.

Now I ask: what if it is personal?

For example, years ago I was the victim of a professor's explicit nastiness in college, and I had to confront her in a public way in the face of her disdain and disrespect, as the other professors in the chair washed their hands of it, like Pontius Pilate.

In the end, the situation was so uncomfortable for everyone, because I was an excellent student in the subject and I gave myself the task of exposing her unhealthy behavior in all possible instances of the university in a legal way and in writing, incidentally she was so cruel that she approved me with the minimum grade ... And this was reluctantly...

I overcame that episode thanks to self-esteem and congruence exercises because I showed everyone around me that the professor's behavior was extremely negative and absolutely personal. Obviously, there was more than one in the department and the institution who did not support the professor and made her hesitate before doing to me what she had done to others in previous periods.

Then I never saw her again, it was the best thing that happened to me, and although I hope never to see her again, I no longer worry about the case because over time I learned that I was right to feel attacked, I defended myself with respect, I was victorious, and I confirmed that beyond the fact that I well detailed by saying that hurts the one who is hurt, no one has the right to use you as a projection screen for their miserable movie of life. It is like having the projector of the cinema of the past in front of you.

The question is: what happens to you and the wound of injustice, and what did you learn?

It was then when I oriented a group dynamic to review the beliefs associated with the layers and layers of personalities (masks alluding to emotions were used): grumpy, malicious, liars, good people, toxic, jealous; it was two days of laughter, encounters, grouping these beautiful people, focused on growing and being congruent with their authenticity... a space of trust was breathed, and we all got in tune with each other.

Every word you say to yourself programs you

And this phrase is "I am learning to": to accept... it takes you out of the starting point and puts you in an active position (I did this exercise as a couple) for when we are making changes in our life.

Many proposals were heard such as "I am learning to": to handle a new tool, a new competence, to communicate in public, to recognize my emotions, what happens to my loved ones, to not complain so much, to be creative, to have positive thoughts, to tolerate my collaborators, family .....

This bridge-made words (phrase) helps us in that transition when the restlessness to concretize and be congruent with the change appears, it is a transition between a problem state and the desired state, the invitation is that they begin to use it so that you can feel at peace, calm and above all that accompanies the phrase with concrete actions.

In the cover image you can see how the perfect elements are combined, oxygen, fuel so that there is a spark (Congruence) and the change is produced (I used that lighter in the dynamics of the day).