It all started one day when I was on the way to drop my kids to their summer school and the little one to their summer preschool. It was a school, a little bit far away from the usual one they used to go to. After driving 10 min I stopped the car on the red signal, after some seconds it turned green and I asked my elder son who was only 6 years at that time, where are we going? I didn't really know where I should turn now? My son thought that I was kidding with him and started to laugh; he didn't know what was going on, but after some time he became worried.
I was totally blank and didn't know if I was supposed to go straight, right or left. But as my husband @shahzad-ansari always tells me, be careful while driving, and be calm and do not stress. So the first thing that I could do to be secure, was to turn left after the signal where there was a petrol pump. There I stopped and tried to recollect myself and tried to remember where we were going. I knew the kids were going to be late and I had to go to the office. But I had to rest there for some time just to take a pause and start thinking about what I was doing. My son has always been such a nice and clever kid so he comforted me and told me that.
-mom we are supposed to go to our summer school and he started to tell me the route.
This was the time when I realized what it means to be present at this time. We live in a hectic world and we often don't know what we are doing. We are just like robots doing things without thinking. Things could have been worse for me right now if I hadn't taken this sign seriously.
At that time when my 3 kids were at the age of 6-1 I tried to do many things together. I was not paying attention to what I was doing. I wanted to be the best in everything and I don't like to ask for help. Even though my husband told me and still tells me to take rest. And that we can eat ready made food sometimes and don't have to clean everyday, I still did it because it was all in MY mind. How come I can't do these things like other moms, I have to be perfect just like others.
Photo by John Hain from Pixabay
But that day I reflected on what happened to me. I love my kids as all of us do. So I wanted to be healthy for them and not get into any kind of stress related illness. Now I try to be present at this single moment I am in and I often talk to myself. It may seem strange but I tell myself now I locked the door, I closed the stove, I parked the car on the 4th floor etc. It's very important to feel the things you are doing, and whenever I feel like I don't have control on things like the traffic, being late for school and for the office I don't care, these are things that I don't have control over. The traffic will not move faster if I stress. We are not going to be on time for school or the office if I stress and so on.
Even though I like to have everything neat and clean and perfect. Now I can take a nap if I am tired, I can neglect the dust and I only do things when I like to do it with my whole heart involved. Otherwise I know it will not be good and I am only going to be cranky. My mother-in-law always tells me one thing. You can't take care of someone if you do not feel good. So take care of yourself first and then others. When a plane is about to crash, you should put on the mask on yourself first and then help others, and this is really true.
So don't push yourself harder than it's ok. You are not answerable to anybody. Be at this moment, be right here right now, enjoy every moment of life and take care of yourself.
This was a reminder for me, hope those who will read this can remind themself to control before it's too late.
See you, until I write again.