A moment ago, I was talking to @galenkp about the various challenges of starting in a new role that requires learning new things, but as an experienced employee having to prepare for what is coming faster and, still take care of the tasks and transition from the old position. It is a little hectic. But, starting any new job or skill comes with these kinds of issues where we can feel we are floundering out at sea, unable to keep head above water for long enough to take a deep breath.
I used the example of a memory that I have of learning to drive, where pulling up to a corner I had to use the brakes, the gears, the clutch and indicate all at the same time and it felt that there was no room to do it all. Yet, after a couple times driving it became comfortable and not too far down the track, unconscious - the bundle of tasks and considerations that felt too complex to learn, were now thoughtless habits.
Does this mean we can do anything?
It is a nice notion to believe we are unbound and I do tell my daughter that there is a lot of opportunity for her to do all kinds of things, but I am actually quite careful not to say, "she can do anything - because she can't. And the older we get and the more experience we have, the less range we are going to have - which is strange in some way, as we are learning and understanding more. However, like my brother said he was pondering lately in regards to his own current circumstances, have all the things he has done in his past professionally, led him to where he is today and the answer is, yes.
For example, if I was going to change jobs tomorrow, it is highly unlikely that I have the possibility to be a brain surgeon, a marine welder or a point guard for the Chicago Bulls. Why? well, even if I did study these things or was interested, aptitude matters and while perhaps I might have had the possibility to be a brain surgeon at the point I was born, all of the decisions I have made since have taken that opportunity off the table. But, even when I was a kid and no matter how much I practiced and wanted it, the point guard position will never be mine, because not only was I never going to be 6'6", I would also be competing against people who are both highly skilled and do have the right body type.
So, if I was going to change position tomorrow, I am bound by my experience, my skills and aptitude to learn more. I am not a blank slate now based on my experiences through life, and I wasn't a blank slate at birth based on my genetics and as such - I can't do anything.
Sure, I can attempt a lot of things, but even this is going to depend on accessibility to opportunity and resources to be able to do so. No individual can dictate who their parents are, or the type of government or culture they are born into, and these things are going to affect our possibilities - so even if we were blank slates at birth - from the moment we are born, the restriction on our potential begins.
For me, I never had parents that said I could "be anything I wanted" as they were preoccupied by the time I was old enough, and I am actually quite glad about it. This allowed me the space to take some responsibility and explore my world, having experiences that have heavily informed where I am today. This includes all of the negatives circumstances too, but I feel that they are easier to accept when I recognize myself as the cause or at least, an influencing factor on them. But of course, I also understand that just like I couldn't choose my parents, my own agency and opportunity is luck-based also.
I do wonder however if by instilling this sense of "I can do anything" into our children we are doing more harm than good, as we set expectations and assumptions that essentially set them up for failure. Failure is good and as I was explaining to a group of mine the other day, doesn't actually exist, other than conceptually. For instance, a baby that is learning to walk doesn't see itself as a failure when she falls over and stops trying, she just gets back up and keeps going. It is only later that "failure" becomes an emotional problem, because we associate "non-completion" as a failure and a reason for why we can't.
But, this doesn't mean that failure doesn't inform and direct us to what we can do and as we experience our world, we find what we are capable of, what we struggle with, what we like and what we don't enjoy - starting to create bias of direction, as our skills mount up, and our fears. In short order, our potential is severely limited on so many levels, that changing course to a high degree can become almost an insurmountable feat.
Having said this though, our ability to attempt is valuable as it is like a form of hope, a reason to do different than we did today, looking for a better result tomorrow. I might only be able to "be" 100 things out of a million options, but I am able to improve in those areas and find all kinds of practical and meaning value along the way.
But, we tend to focus on what we don't have than what we do, which means that regardless of how proficient we are in one area, we are likely to feel how much we lack in others. And if we have that "I can be anything" attitude, there are always going to be far more things we can't be, than what we can. In many ways, this is just like a consumer mentality, where no matter how much we have, what "pains" us is the not having.
From my perspective at least, I am willing to accept that I am severely limited in aptitude, but this is not an excuse to not improve what I can improve. Rather than focus on the near million things out of my reach, I am trying to get better at pulling in what is with it and who knows, perhaps a small step here and there, leads to somewhere I wasn't ever expecting to go. After all, it has happened many times before in the past.
That is how I ended up here today.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]