I haven't really been watching feature length films lately, I just haven't really had the time to do so with all that's going on in life right now. Rather watching more television shows with smaller sized episodes to pick up and put down quite easily at night before sleeping. I have been teaching some English to some Russian individuals again and it had me realise that I could find some interesting topics to discuss with them that are related to their interests: music. Though, this film is less about music and more coming to terms with a person's inability to continue producing it. I had seen this film before, but all I could remember was that impactful final scene, the one that really punches through. Our protagonist coming to terms with being deaf, having finally received the operation he wanted to bring back some hearing, only to realise life was far more peaceful when he couldn't hear anything at all.
I find this film to be quite a unique one, though I couldn't really remember anything from it. So, I decided to give it another watch. And by doing so, I feel I managed to capture some additional details within it that I had actually missed upon the first viewing back when it was released. Primarily in the relationship Ruben has with Lou, and how they're both stuck in this poisonous connection that doesn't really work for either of them. It being more a rebellious outcome of trying to escape from something within their lives. For Ruben, music was all he had. He had been moving constantly from one place to another for all of his life, this being told to us through a conversation with someone at the community house for the deaf that he enrolls in. His music career being more about staying on the road and maintaining that feeling of movement rather than stopping for once and coming to terms with things. For Lou, the relationship was an escape from the loss of her mother and the blame placed upon her father. Lou being seen in one of the earlier scenes in the film with self-harm marks upon her wrists.
Throughout the film, Ruben is still in motion. He can't settle anywhere. He has this assumption that somehow, if he keeps moving, everything will be alright and get fixed. Something that also comes from his past as an addict, to which his relationship with Lou helped put that to an end. Ruben remaining again in motion to avoid the potential of falling back into old habits. There is no peace in his mind, whether there's sound or no sound at all. I really loved how the cinematography and sound design worked together to add details of little sounds within Ruben's life throughout, showing how the most minor of sounds in his day-to-day life would suddenly fade. Whether it was the close conversations he had with Lou, the sound of the van driving down the road, or his morning routine as he made smoothies and coffee. Everything turning to a muffled mess even for the viewer brings us to Ruben's level, where the real pain isn't not hearing anything anymore, but being stuck within his own mind finally. Where now he can't escape the things he has been. There's a war going on inside his own head that has been taking place this whole time. And we barely even notice it.
This brings us to that final scene in which he has that epiphany. That the silence is nothing to fear anymore, and can actually bring peace. He tried everything he could, and he failed. The relationship with Lou has changed, he sees that he doesn't belong anymore. His music career is over, he sold all of the gear to get the implant under an attempt to get it all back with a sketchy deal made with the buyer. Though he can't get that money back in time to buy it all back. But that's where Ruben realises he doesn't want nor need it anymore. None of it really matters. For once, Ruben can happily sit down on a bench in the park, and just sit. No longer in motion, no longer needing sound to escape. This isn't just a story about a man going deaf and coming to terms with the changes in his life, it's a story of how going deaf saved a man by allowing him to come to terms with the trauma of his past, and accept it all. Going into life with a new outlook. That's some great storytelling, alongside some really beautiful sound design and visuals.