Is It Better To Speak Or To Die: Call Me By Your Name (2017) Review

One of the many poignant lines in the movie Call Me By Your Name puzzled a lot of viewers as to which one is the best answer. For Oliver (𝗔𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿) and Elio (𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘁), both speaking and silence have consequences. Originating from the book Marguerite of Navarre’s Heptaméron, this line encapsulated the dilemma between vulnerability and self-preservation, which Elio and Oliver had to figure out—which is which in the summer weeks.

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By the time Elio's feelings screamed more loudly than before, he confessed his emotions—starting with indirect actions, then moving to bolder words. Oliver, although hesitant, eventually became more of a risk-taker for what could be—but still, Elio's sanity and safety were his concern.

They spoke, but some words were obviously left unspoken—especially during the parts of the movie where the characters were just crying and acting silently, like in the bed and sofa scenes with no dialogue. The two subtly portrayed the social and cultural factors that stopped them from being vulnerable to each other at first.

But by the end of the movie, Oliver echoed the most painful line Elio could ever hear: "I’m getting married." And then came Oliver's fear of his parents sending him to a correctional facility if they figured out he was homosexual—although this is debatable, as some fans say the movie is a form of grooming.

So, is it better to speak or to die?

It may be harsh to start a movie review with a question that makes us think twice about our choices. But this is the beauty of movies—they invoke wonder, touch the human interest, and leave us thinking deeply, yet with the answers we need.

Call Me By Your Name has long been released in the world of cinema in 2017, and I watched this movie for the 8th time last night—almost every summer of the year, when Elio and Oliver’s love grew in this same kind of season. What I love about rewatching this movie is that every time I watch it, I learn something new and make sense of myself—discovering how little I still know about the things that truly matter... every year, just like Elio.

In the novel's definition, Call Me By Your Name is all about obsessive love, the passage of time, and life-defining memories. It follows the story of a 17-year-old boy, Elio—bored, knowledgeable, and curious—and Oliver—charismatic, private, and a graduate student who stayed in Elio’s home to work with Mr. Perlman, Elio’s father, a professor of archaeology.

At first glance at the trailer, I thought the movie was boring—the cinematography, the dead-air scenes, and the age gap—it almost disgusted me. But I didn’t know how much change it would bring me until I actually watched the movie for two and a half hours

Lounging in the Perlman family’s home in Northern Italy during the summer of 1983 was Elio Perlman. In the first scene, his family waited for the arrival of an archaeology student. The first thing I noticed—especially in the opening scenes—was the unique cinematography: still, dramatic, dreamlike, and emotionally reflective. It was different from what the trailer showed. I saw the uniqueness in the movie as the story progressed. That very first scene immersed me in the kind of place I had been dreaming about since childhood—I mean, it’s Northern Italy, and everybody dreams of living there.

This movie revolves around the bittersweet six weeks of Elio’s life—a coming-of-age story marked by the arrival of Oliver and the taxi that beeped into the corridor outside Elio's room. The first hour of the movie establishes Elio’s life before the arrival of love—the tension between them, and the building of the "speak or die" dilemma.

At first, Elio is irritated by Oliver—almost every action he makes—especially the “Later” lines. But even then, the attraction is present, although confusing. Their dynamic begins with irritation, confusion, and distance. As the movie continues, the bond between them slowly grows closer through little interactions: biking, swimming in the lake, holding hands (where Elio’s hand touches the statue’s separated hand that Oliver had been holding), and through awkward silences.

There’s tension and friction, as seen in scenes like the car ride and the breakfast table where Oliver throws out his first "Later." But as the story develops, that tension becomes more meaningful—a mix of attraction and the fear of falling for each other.

One pivotal scene is when Elio starts to confess indirectly by the river, asking, "Is it better I speak or to die?" The rest becomes the most meaningful—and painful—portrayal of love.

It would take a full day to tell everything about the movie, so I’ll just share my thoughts on the second half—the most tense, sensual, and devastating part.

Elio and Oliver finally accept their feelings and begin doing things together because Elio simply wants to be with him. One moment that struck me deeply was when Elio followed Oliver into town for no reason other than wanting to be near him.

But honestly, I was scared for most of the movie—because I knew it wouldn't end well. It’s only a six-week relationship. The next scenes show the portrayal of raw love, madness in love, sexual attraction, obsession, and vulnerability. I think this is the reason why many viewers relate to the movie: the depiction of love is raw and authentic, especially in our younger years.

Elio’s emotional and sexual discovery with Oliver intensifies, and I saw Elio’s obsession with Oliver’s body—something many of us can relate to when in love. Over time, he transitions from intellectual to emotionally intelligent, embracing his vulnerability and confronting his identity.

The cinematography made even more sense as the movie became more emotional. The summer setting in Northern Italy evoked a deep sense of nostalgia—it reminded viewers of love that feels eternal but isn’t.

The fleeting nature of their summer romance hurt me a lot. After my first watch, I was devastated for two months. I can’t even describe the feeling and validation it gave me through the pain it awakened. The golden summer showed the peak of their love, and the winter at the end summarized it all—that love is fleeting, but it lingers.

There are scenes that feel drenched in nostalgia—like the establishing shots of the town and the peach trees. They’re raw, intimate, and emotionally powerful. The bed scenes, too, attracted many viewers—Timothée and Armie delivered exceptional performances, making the scenes sensual and emotionally charged. Timothée was innocent and seductive, while Armie was hesitant but dominating.

Then there was the peach scene—arguably the most shocking. Oliver licked the peach Elio had ejaculated in, symbolizing obsessive love and vulnerability. Many found it disgusting, but it was powerful in showing the depth and madness of Elio’s desire.

I enjoyed watching the movie because of its authentic portrayal of love, identity, and emotional journey between lovers. I was struck by Cupid’s arrow in their intimate scenes, envied their catalyst moment when they were drunk at midnight, longed for the bike rides in Northern Italy, and hoped for a love as promising as Elio's.

This movie is a work of art—a tender coming-out story, a sublime portrayal of love and the fleeting nature of human connection. It is poetry in motion—emotionally rich, visually stunning, triumphant, and heartbreaking. It casts a beautiful and sensual spell. It’s symbolic, perfect, and deliberate—inviting you to desire it. A masterwork. A classic.

But—

Even if it flattered me, it devastated me by the end.

It was Hanukkah in winter.Snow fell. The phone rang. It was Oliver. And of course,Elio was so happy finally receiving the call he had been waiting for. Only to hear that Oliver is getting married next spring.

The most painful moment came when they called each other by their names one last time, and Oliver said:"I remember everything."

And I was dead. It was heartbreaking, poignant, bittersweet, and devastating. Still, it was sublime.

It changed me countless times and altered the way I understand love. The heartbreak opened my eyes to the risks of falling in love—and to the beauty of its fleeting nature. Even if the movie wrecked my heart, Call Me By Your Name remains a classic and perfect film in the history of cinema.

Original quote by Andre Aciman in Call Me By Your Name

"You had a beautiful friendship." Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, pray their sons land on their feet, but I am not such a parent. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste.Have I spoken out of turn? Then let me say one more thing. It will clear the air. I may have come close but I never had what you two have. Something always held me back or stood in the way. How you live your life is your business. Just remember: our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart’s worn out, and as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it much anymore.

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Screenshots from CMBYN