Geologist:
Hey guys! Look at this cool rock I found. It's unlike any other rock I've ever seen. As an expert on rocks, I am the foremost authority on this obviously definite piece of scaled granite. Don't believe me? Well, that makes you a fool, because I'm the expert, and you're just some know-nothing without a degree.
Economist:
Wow, that is a cool rock! Look it how crazy it is... that thing is rare! I'm gonna call it Gold 2.0, because that makes sense! What an amazing store of value you have there. As an expert on economics, I am the foremost authority on this matter and if you disagree, you are wrong. Dummy.
Gold Bug:
Well, obviously this rock isn't Gold 2.0 because I'm a gold investor and that would make me an antiquated dinosaur. I choose to not live in that reality so lalalalala I'm not listening. Its worth is based on thin air and it has no intrinsic value. Obviously doomed-to-zero piece-of-garbage. More like Tulip Mania 2.0... Idiots.
Programmer:
Whoa what the fuck is that? Holy shit! Are you guys seeing this? That thing is alive. You're all nuts. A rock? You fuckin kidding me? Dudes, whoa, mindblowing. I wonder what it's gonna do next!?!?
All to programmer:
Don't be an idiot.
ALL:
Whoa, what's it doing? Never seen a rock do that.
Programmer
... Really? Still with the rock thing? Are you serious?
It has fucking legs. WTF is wrong with you guys?
Geologist:
Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's a special kind of rock with legs. Why is that so hard to believe?
Economist:
Exactly! If anything, the rock sprouting legs just gives it more value. What an exciting development!
Gold Bug:
Fuckin told you it wasn't gold, dipshits. Suck it.
Programmer:
Can I have some of whatever you guys are smoking?
ALL:
HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT?
It's so ugly and ridiculous yet fascinating!
How does this thing even exist?
It doesn't seem to be the best at doing anything.
Programmer:
Ah nice so you guys are finally coming around.
ALL:
Yeah this is the craziest rock ever ever!
Programmer
...
Geologist:
I admit, it does appear to be alive. Clearly the world's first example of a living rock. I'll be damned.
Economist:
Wow we are going to make so much money off of this living rock! It's a shame this Gold 2.0 solution won't scale to replace the legacy economy. I'm smart.
Gold Bug
Seriously stop calling it Gold 2.0. It's obviously not a rock. I know this, not because I'm learning about what it actually is, but because it threatens my livelihood to admit otherwise.
Central Banker
You guys are being ridiculous and need to stop using this silly living rock as money. Don't you realize only pedophiles, drug dealers, and money launderers are using the rock for their illicit activities?
Alright, enough is enough. Time to kill this stupid thing. I'm doing everyone a favor here. Conventional weapons should do the trick. 50-cal sniper rounds ought to do it. No? Try a drone strike. No? Weaken it with more propaganda. Hm, that kinda worked for a second. Okay finish it off with hellfire missiles.
Programmer
Wow you really pissed it off.
Have fun dealing with Godzilla after you drop an A-bomb on it.
I for one embrace my new Godzilla overlord.
Somehow an inefficient rampaging chaotic monster is more trustworthy than you.
Analysis
Bitcoin is alive. It is a living breathing thing, and to compare it to a rock is the same as comparing any inanimate object to a living entity.
An inanimate object could never be more complex than the living. Even the computer you're looking at right now is less complex than a single cell. Living things have brains, nervous systems, dozens of organs and biological functions, immune systems, yada yada yada. Meanwhile, a rock is a rock. It's got a composition and a formation... density... shape... that's about it.
The Bitcoin network is much closer to a biological entity than a nonbiological one. Unlike an undead corporation, it has a lifespan, and will probably not live longer than the people who first started using it (say 60-100 years).
Most people do not understand these things because they project the legacy economy onto Bitcoin. That's the problem with extrapolation and intuition. They very often lead to incorrect conclusions. We should avoid falling into the same trap, if possible.
Crypto is an enigma
Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.