During my days of being active in Church, one thing that constantly stuck was the idea that we're all meant to "suffer now to enjoy later". This was gotten from the preaching about Jesus on the cross of Calvary.

The idea was that we should be able to endure any harsh situation like Christ did because at the end of our trial is joy. I liked the idea of it, like a lot of Nigerians did, because it justified our daily lives.

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We calculate our lives based on how well and how long we can handle suffering. I don't think it's a bad thing, however, I don't always believe there is joy or a light at the end of the tunnel.

For some, they experience this joy, for others, they don't. A lot of people focus a lot on suffering that the light at the end of the tunnel is just a phrase they use each morning to get out of bed. It's a mirage.

A while ago, I was constantly broke even though I had my crypto. I refused to touch anything because I believed that soon enough everything that looks like nothing will miraculously become important.

I was letting myself suffer because of this "light at the end of the tunnel" that I was trying to create. It only took a few words from my brother to get me to calm down a little and enjoy life. Because, why not?

While I value the money I earn here, I know I have no other source of income at the moment so who am I kidding? I need to spend a little bit on myself every now and then.

So, I spent on myself and I have no regrets. I value everything I got for myself because I know how it came and what I went through to get it. I also didn't spend everything, just enough to keep my head above water.

Oftentimes, we delay gratification so much that we forget to live. In a quest to live a better life in the future, we forget to live a good life now. There's no joy, no satisfaction or taste of what we work for, just one trial to the next.

What if you die haven never lived? Death can come at any time and for anyone. What if you never get to enjoy all you work so hard for? When you think about that, it should make you want to spend a little bit extra on yourself.

I tightened up my spending a little bit lately because I don't have a lot coming in anymore but I still do the best I can to make sure I don't lack anything. It's the best I can do for myself at this point.

How about you? Do you overthink your existence and forget that you're living right now? How often do you just say "fuck it" and get yourself something you really want?

Thanks for reading

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