So here you are, new to the Hive ecosystem and all that it has to offer you.
But what now?...
How do you build up a following?
How do support other users?
What does 'reputation' mean?
These are the kinds of questions that most new users will find themselves asking , when arriving onto Hive.
Don't worry ! @lucylin is here to help guide you through
it, and give you some tips so that you to, can be a successful Hiver!
Perhaps the most important thing to ask yourself first is, what are you going to write about?
If you really want to get ahead in this all inclusive ecosystem, try to avoid writing about any subjects deemed as 'controversial' - or anything, really - that makes other people think.
People don't like thinking - just like in the real world - so it's best to avoid such activities, and instead, find people to be nice with all the time ('pleasant', makes prizes!)
By following this simple rule, you'll find your reputation soon skyrocketing - and not only that, by being as bland as tofu, you'll soon find other equally bland people, to mingle with.
It's a well established system to success on the Hive ecossytem - and before you know it, masses of other bland people will be re-affirming their own blandness with you, by what is known in the Hive ecosystem as 'circle jerking'.
What is 'circle jerking?'
For starters, it isn't as half as much fun as it sounds !
No... 'Circle Jerking' is the mechanism by which bland people reinforce their insecure self image by upvoting other bland people - who also have an equally insecure self image.
To maintain this path to success it's essential that you stick to a few unwritten rules that govern 'the circle jerk'.
The most important thing to remember - above all others , is to never , ever post anything that's interesting, sexy, funny, or wild - and NEVER be openly critical of another users material.
Or point of view.
Or level of mental retardation. (never use the word 'retard') ...Or 'moist'... Or 'gusset'...
It may take you a while for you to fully grasp the level of oversensitive bland snowflakes that inhabit the ecosystem - but once you do, and work hard to maintain a level of blandness, you'll have nothing but 'nice' experiences on the platform.
Tips to help you create bland posts:
a) Never try to be humorous.
Circle jerkers are renown for their zero sense of humor, so any attempts to introduce any level of brevity and lightheartedness into the conversation, will be met with silence (and you may potentially lose members of the circle jerk).
The rule of thumb of using humor in your designated circle jerkers, if you must , is this:
Sitcom jokes from older TV shows , are mostly ok.
(but only to be introduced if you're feeling particularly brave and reckless).
b) If you can't say something meaningless, it's better to say nothing at all.
The circle jerk is not a place where thinking is welcomed.
C) Platitudes feigning some interest are not only acceptable, it's encouraged.
(everyone in the circle jerk knows that they mean absolutely nothing, and is part of the 'being nice for upvotes' charade - but the unwritten rules of 'being nice at all times' will ensure that nobody ever tries to question your authenticity).
d) Negative navel gazing that's dressed up as trying to be positive, is one sure way to stay bland.
Once you get into the daily habit of talking yourself , and topics only concerning yourself - and how bad things are (in a nice way), you'll soon find a comfortable niche that enables you say the same thing over and over again, in a million different ways, week in and week out - all with guaranteed upvotes. The circle jerk is about keeping everything nice, all the time - and so the quality of any particular post is secondary to maintaining the image of an insular friendly community - one that, at the same time , is also diverse and open to everyone - as long as they have the same level of niceness.
It's vitally important to remember - NEVER get dragged into a real conversation with those outside of your circle jerk.
This can lead to problems.
Not only do you run the danger of having fun and being real again - you might find yourself being ostracized by the circle jerk for showing them that you have an actual personality (this is frowned upon).
If you ever find yourself in the unlikely position of being up voted by a 'Whale' , it's more important than ever, to never offend them, or to do anything that will make their ego's implode('whales are users with a massive stake size and very big upvotes ).
(unlike their marine namesakes, the 'Hive whale' is renown for having skin that's only marginally thicker than the membrane of an amoeba, and ego's so weak that that most 4 years old's would be embarrassed to exhibit it).
Studies are not conclusive as of yet, but it's believed that they also appear to have sense of humor.
If you do offend one of these users, then you can be sure petulant and vindictive down voting will follow.
'Whales' never forget (apparently).
One of the best strategies to placate them is to offer to have their babies - or failing that, at least send them a photo of your boobs .
there's a 93.67% chance that you do, in fact, have 'man boobs'....' Moobs' - which will probably suffice at a push (if your can't first persuade your girlfriend to flash hers).
These are just a few of the tips that will help ensure that you have an authentic Hive experience.
By following these tips , you will make sure that you have some nice Hive crypto currency in your wallet, and not only that - you can also have that 'dirty little secret' that you've always dreamed about !
(research , based on historical data, would suggest that you have less than a 0.0000005000445 % chance , of ever introducing anyone that you know of, onto to the platform. Your 'dirty little secret' is safe with us!)
