I don’t accept black & white. It’s too simple for me. And although it makes life easier on a superficial level, I think that in reality, it complicates everything in the long term. I like to see things from different angles and usually put quite a bit of effort into understanding relations on a deeper level. That means trying to collect all the facts and opinions, weighing them out against each other, and being vocal about that. Not being quiet about it. Also not being dominant and “fist-on-the-table”, but gently introducing different perspectives into the discussion, so it can in fact be a discussion, and not a self-affirming ego jerk-off.
Consideration
Society has become much of an echo-chamber, and being able to think through things and not just repeat is more important than anything, as allowing opposed points of view into consideration can help us reduce the fragmentation that we’re living in. Consideration, as I like to repeat, is not empathy. I don’t have to feel anything for the other person in order to consider them as a human being, in whatever role they have in the conversation. But I can include their existence and the possible effects that actions might have on them into my process of decision making, and weigh the positive for some against the negative for others, me included. That is the opposite of the ego-focused structures that are currently prevalent everywhere around me.
Team player
Consideration makes me a better team player as well. I don’t have any premeditated ideas on what place I should fill, leader or grunt. I can do both, and fit in wherever it’s necessary, as long as it serves the community best that way and as long as the team set-up is as productive and efficient as possible. If it isn’t, for example when the most disorganized person is in charge of some organizational part, I will gently weigh in there, considering everybody’s talents known to me.
Willingness to learn
In a team, adapting to new situations is very important, too. I learn rather quickly. In high school, we formed a band, and we already had a piano player and a saxophone player, and both couldn’t play any other instrument. I played both those instruments. We didn’t have a base player, though, so I decided to learn that. Worked out pretty well, I love the instrument. Anyway, the argument is the willingness to take on a new experience, put in the extra effort to learn something new for the good of the community.
Growth through mistakes
Learning also includes admitting defeat. Admitting errors. Being able to sincerely apologize – not that hollow “I’m sorry” that is spat out to already end the conversation, but a profound internal examination of the events and their effects and my role in it, and taking responsibility for them on a profound level that then again leads to a learning experience. If we really accept the mistake to have been just that, we will not do it again.
Humor
I don't take myself too seriously. I can ridicule myself quite a lot, as I have many short-comings, and though I'm genuinely working on most of those, they're a good anchor to make fun of myself and hence keep them present in my mind. I'm also fine with others making fun of me and my flaws, I laugh with them, especially if it's spot on. It's a great way of checking one's ego.
And the lower the ego, the better the role-model.
Any attribute that makes us a role-model is also a step closer to our personal utopia. Being coherent in what we believe, say and do makes us better role-models, and I hope that said coherence slowly trickles into people’s mind. I mentioned “natural authority” in a post before, and that is basically the result of being a role-model.
My attributes that make me a role-model are on a personal level. It’s not the money I make, not the clothes I wear, not the followers I have on Instagram – that all is quite contrarian to the believes I hold, the values I cherish and work hard to be in line with. I guess I could boil my focus down to coherence and authenticity, as overlaying concepts. My utopia is a community with deeper understanding, non-superficial, considerate, supportive and with a common pool of shared values big enough to sustain unity within the community.
This is my entry for the #weekend-engagement. Again, a nice selection of questions to think about. Though I don't feel good exposing my good attributes, but rather express my short-comings to motivate myself to work on them, it's also important to look at what is going well. It's a different angle, that also allows us to see what is still missing in that list. All angles matter.
Thanks to Galenkp for always coming up with new and interesting questions!