Being a man to me isn’t really about how old a person is or how matured a person can be physically or how rich and powerful a person can be, it’s more than that, it's about how a person live, how he treats others, how he takes responsibilities for his actions, how he behaves and handling situations especially unpleasant one's. Being a man to me means taking responsibility for my actions, my decisions, my mistakes and caring for both myself and the people around me, standing for what I know is right.
I knew I was becoming a man the moment I started taking responsibility for myself and the people around me. It wasn’t just about age or my appearance, it was about the decisions I took, the sacrifices I've made, and standing up for the people who look up to me. Becoming a man wasn’t something that happened overnight for me. It started from the moment life demanded more from me and I chose not to run away from it.
Like I’ve mentioned in some of my previous posts, the year I got admitted into the university was the same year my dad retired from his work. I remember that period vividly. I was excited to begin a new chapter in school but within me, I was very scared of how to handle myself. For the first time, I'm living my parents house to stay alone. I've ever live my parents to go and stay alone.
Before I left for school, my dad called me one day to have a heart to heart talk.
He told me that I know he has retired now, and I'm about to go to school. He may not be able to provide all my needs. I'm the firstborn of the house and as it stands now, responsibilities are shifting to me. I'm the one to support the family now and they are (my family) all counting on me.
Those words hit me very well in a way that it awakened something in me. From that moment, I made up my mind to take responsibility for myself, my needs, my actions, my activities and my family.
In my first year in school, I started looking for ways to support myself. I worked, did small jobs here and there and whenever I got paid, I made sure a part of my earnings went back home. It wasn’t always easy, but it gave me a sense of purpose that I'm doing something to support my family. I wasn’t just doing it because I had to, I was doing it because I wanted to. I wanted to show up for my family, putting their needs before mine.
Over the years, with how I have been handling things around the house, my family grew to trust my judgment. Today, before any family decision is taken, they must consult me first to know my opinion. And if there’s a family meeting, that meeting will not hold unless I am present. That level of respect didn’t come from just being the firstborn, it came from being responsible and from taking care of things without waiting to be told. If it were by been the first born, the respect wouldn't have been there, cause I've seen my first borns whose younger ones are the once taking decision for the family.
There are responsibilities in the house I handle without anyone reminding me. If something is lacking at home and I can do something about it, I don’t hesitate to do it. I always try my best to provide, even when it stretches me. Yiu know, there’s this kind of joy that comes from knowing that your people are okay and that you played a part in making that happen.
My responsibility didn’t stop with just my family. One decision I took recently was to leave my father’s house and travel to a different state to live on my own. After my NYSC service, I felt that it was time to start living independently. I could no longer stay under the comfort of my father’s roof. I needed to start building my own life, to make mistakes and grow from them and to take full responsibility for myself without relying on anyone.
It wasn’t an easy decision living the comfort of my home to start up a life in a new environment but it was worth it. So far, it was one of the best steps I’ve taken. Today I work, take care of myself and still send money home to cover some needs.
Aside from taking responsibility, one thing that has changed within me is how I handle my emotions. I’ve become more emotionally mature and that to me, is a part of what makes a man.
I remember back then in 2022 when my previous relationship ended. I had found out that the lady I was dating was cheating. I cried bitterly, I begged her to stop. I even went as far as calling the guy she was cheating with and asked him to leave my girlfriend alone. Stupid me!! I feel very embarrassed now each time I recall that art but I also understand that I was still growing emotionally.
Recently, I got into another relationship and unfortunately, it ended for the same reason of cheating. But this time, my reaction was completely different. The way I handle the situation was different. When I discovered the truth, I ended things quietly. No drama. No begging, No crying. I simply walked away, knowing that I deserved better. I didn’t act out of pain or anger like I did in previous relationship. I acted out of wisdom. That kind of emotional act I exhibited was something I never thought I could do.
And so when I look at this attributes and characters, how I take responsibilities now, how I care and support my family, how I live independently, the decisions I've taken, how I handled my emotions and situations, putting other people need sometimes before, I can say that, that's some attributes that makes me be a man now now.