One weak personal character I have come to notice in myself is emotional submissiveness. For as long as I can remember, I’ve found it hard to stand my ground when someone asks me for something or wants me to do something, even if it’s not in my best interest. I often find myself agreeing with others to avoid any form of conflict, even when it costs me something important. It is not that I do not have my own thoughts or opinions, but there is this constant pull inside me to keep the peace and to avoid any arguments. Most times, I tell myself it’s better to keep the peace, but then, deep down I know it’s costing me more than I admit.
One of the biggest struggles I'm facing regarding this emotional submissiveness is the inability to say no, even when saying yes will cost me my time, my energy, or even my resources. Saying no has always been a challenge for me. I can be in the middle of something important, already tired or busy, but if someone asks for my help, I still say yes. In my mind, I’m screaming that I should decline, but my mouth goes ahead and agrees. It’s almost like a reflex. Later, I end up feeling drained, stressed, and even a little upset with myself for not speaking up. This habit has made me carry more burdens than I should, and in the end, I am the one who feels drained.
Because of this, I’ve noticed that some people take advantage of my personality and kindness. They know I will not refuse them, so they keep coming back, asking for more. Normally I love helping people if I can, but sometimes I wonder if they really appreciate my effort or if they just appreciate the fact that I never say no. The painful part is when these same people have wronged me before, yet I still find myself helping them because I can’t bring myself to turn them away.
Why I see this as a weak personal character is because I put other people’s comfort above my own well-being too often. My desire to be liked and accepted by people which I know very well that not everyone is bound to like me.
I don’t like arguments, I don’t like tension, and I worry that saying no will make people see me as selfish, unfriendly or unwilling to help when I can. But over time, I’ve realized that avoiding most of those things(the arguments, tensions, conflict) doesn’t necessarily mean I have peace inside. In fact, sometimes it leaves me feeling used, undervalued, and silently frustrated.
It is good to be kind, caring, and helpful, but then when these qualities are not balanced with self-respect and the ability to set boundaries, they can become a weakness. I learned that always giving in and avoiding conflict does not mean people will treat me better. In fact, some will use it as an open door to keep taking advantage. Like a tool, some persons will use it against me.
That's why I’m learning how to be more assertive now. I have to learn how to say no without feeling guilty and how to stand firm when I know something is not right for me. Learning how to say no is not a bad thing, and people who truly value me will respect my boundaries. The self-respect and inner peace come when there's a balance between compassion and firmness. Don't misunderstand me, It’s not being rude or uncaring but it’s the understanding that my needs and feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.
I must say that this decision is one of the hardest decision I've ever taken because this habit of been emotionally submissive is rooted in how I interact with people, but I guess is worth it because I will not only protect myself from being taken advantage of but also earn the kind of respect that comes from standing my ground.