Hello folks, it is the weekend and it's time for another weekend engagement challenge. One of the topics given by @galenkp was to share hints, tips or life hacks with the community. I like to share my journey of discovering self-compassion and self-love.
As the father of a son with autism, I spend a lot of time looking after him.
This is fulfilling, but it can also be stressful. It's easy to fall into a pattern of focusing on my son, Jonathan, and putting my own needs last. He is a low functioning autist and as such, he needs constant attention. I feel the need to help and support him so that he can make sense of the world around him and be happy and safe. I can see so much potential in him, but it is hard work to help him to develop further. A lot of routine and simple activities such as dining out or visiting the doctor become complicated due to his sensory and behavioral issues and this adds to the stress.
The pressure to be able to provide for my son, who has special needs, is overwhelming. It pushes me to work harder and longer hours. But it also means that I'm emotionally exhausted at the end of the day because I never get time for myself. I began to question myself, " I am working so hard to take care of Jonathan, but who is taking care of me? I have to take care of Jonathan's needs, how about my own needs?"
When I started realizing how much I was neglecting myself in the name of taking care of my son, it was a wake-up call. It made me ask hard questions: What would happen if my son grew up without someone there to guide him? What if he didn't have me anymore? How would he learn how to take care of himself if I wasn't around?
I used to think that being compassionate to myself and loving myself was being selfish. Jonathan has special needs, shouldn't that be a priority over my own needs? In fact, as a father shouldn't it be my duty to make sacrifices for my family?
My journey of discovery started with me realizing that I had always been a perfectionist. I was never satisfied with my abilities or my achievements because they would never match up to what others were doing or achieving. This led me to have low self-esteem and being generally unhappy with life.
I have discovered that in order for me to be there for my son and family, I must first look after myself. I also realized that in order for me to love other people, I must first learn to care for myself by loving myself unconditionally even though I am not perfect. Only when I can accept my own imperfections, warts and all, then will I be able to accept Jonathan's autism.
To look after myself, one must first understand what is self-compassion and self-love.
Self-compassion is being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy, instances of failure, or general suffering. I would treat myself the same way that I treat Jonathan or my best friend. Instead of treating myself harshly, I should learn to be compassionate towards myself. Having self-compassion allows us to be fully human when we feel defeated or disappointed with ourselves. Self-love is the practice of caring for your own mental, emotional and physical well-being by taking responsibility for your own happiness.
Nowadays I feel generally happier and I am more easygoing. Of course, there are bound to be stressful times but somehow I feel that I am able to cope better. When it comes to self-compassion and self-love, I always remember the analogy of an emergency in an airplane. In an emergency when the oxygen masks are dropped from the overhead compartment, parents are always instructed to put on the masks first, before putting the masks on their babies. In the same way, we need to learn to show compassion and love to ourselves first before we can truly show compassion and love to others.
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The Weekend Engagement
The weekend engagement is a challenge created by @galenkp. It is a fun contest where you can write about a range of topics with a prompt provided. I like to take part because I get a lot of interactions with other hive members and you don't have to crack your head to think of what to write. @galenkp is also the founder of the Weekend Community.
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Hive Blog Posting Month
The Hive Blog Posting Month is a challenge where you post an article every day for the month of April. I have started posting daily since the middle of March and so I was very happy when I came across this challenge and I hope that it will help me to maintain my momentum.
A big thank you to the fabulous @traciyork for organizing the #hiveblopomo initiative. This is my entry for 17 April 2022.
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