There is still list of unfinished stories ready to be written. Today I will talk about another unfinished story. If you just woke up and still need to get breakfast, wait with reading. I’ve been in Portugal many times and heard a few stories about my temporary destination, I finally had the change to experience it. It’s part of Vanlife and we Vanlifers like to check out other vans. I did, and the driver made me sick.
The day after, good to wake up at my own home again
Food for the Belly
Since I left Germany a few weeks ago, I’ve been visiting friends. It’s always nice to see them again and get an update from each other’s life. One of the other things that happens, is that you are stuffed with loads of food and alcohol. Tasty most of the time. Just before the start of this trip I had a full inside check (scopy) from entrance to exit. Result: all good. Although I did experience quite a few issues the last 12 months. During one of my last stops, I was fed pork, cookies and wine. Later that day I met a Hive-friend on the cliffs. I felt a bit of heaviness in the stomach. During my last toilet visit I already discovered some internal bleeding. As it goes with Vanlife, you can meet new neighbors constantly. I saw some 18-year old newbies having issues with their stove and opened my kitchen for them to use. Of course there were a few glasses of wine involved. Nice conversations and the hours flew by. I wasn’t able to eat and I was in so much pain already.
Right in the Night
The above sentence reminds me of a song from Jam & Spoon, but the party mood soon disappeared that night. Was it full moon? I don’t think so. I decided to say goodbye to everyone and crawl inside my bed, hiding in my van. As we would say in the Netherlands, I was the ‘Party Pooper’. You can already guess the topic of this story right? Something to do with poop maybe? Let’s continue… I tried all positions (just to make it clear, I was alone in my van). No matter what, it hurt a lot. And it didn’t got less. I decided to go outside, to get rid of the acid. The 3 glasses of wine had a little foam party in my stomach and they wanted to get high. Nothing came out and I decided to make a little walk at night. It became so painful, I decided to check if there was a hospital in this Portuguese town. There was and it was open. Not even a 2 km walk a bit uphill, my body could hardly handle it. When I arrived at the Emergency Department, I collapsed. Fever, high blood pressure and experiencing heavy pain attacks. I was happy that some of the staff could speak English. I was the only patient there and a bit surprised about this. It was the end of the weekend and Peniche is not the smallest town. I was hooked up to an IV: liquids for dehydration, pain killers and medication to let me vomit. True weekend vibes!
The corridors in the first hospital were empty
Check out my Van
My situation didn’t get much better and this hospital currently didn’t have the expertise I needed. They decided to send me to another hospital. With my favorite van: a Mercedes. I am talking about an ambulance. Great. The driver was a bit bored of driving. And while speeding on the local roads and roundabouts, he was just checking Google and his social media. WTF?! First I thought he wanted to check the route, but he didn’t. At least this Mercedes had a powerful turbo in the engine…so I can experience the difference with my Mercedes Sprinter. I have to admit, the interior and colors of this turbo booster sucked. A bit booring. I was happy with the seatbelt, because the van felt more like a blender. Maybe this was the plan, because after arriving in the 2nd hospital this night, I managed to fill up a few of these special garbage bags. The first bag was already way more than those 3 cups of wine, after that 3 full bags followed.
What is this Place?
The meds were not that strong, but where the fuck did I end up? The Emergency Department in this hospital in Caldas da Rainha was crazy! So many people lying everywhere. After my acid donations, I was placed in a bed and put away in one of the corridors of the hospital. It was a traffic jam of beds with patients. There was also a lot of staff and some good looking nurses. Was I in shock? So this is where they are...the good looking ones. In the beginning they all had a nice smile on their face, me too. But that was during the night, during the day the atmosphere changed. I noticed that most of the others in the corridor, were probably all above 70 years old. A few hours ago I thought I arrived in a warzone or survived armageddon. After seeing the nurses I though I entered heaven. My next thoughts? I was a bit tight with all those beds and people. And there was no strict schedule to help us all in a short time. My neighbor behind me, started to massage my head with his smelly naked feet. I did pass out a few times and suddenly I woke up. Was is a crazy goat or a sheep? Nope, it was one of 'The Rolling Stones' starting to yell. And of course, this caused some loud reaction from the other ‘band members’. One of the grannies next to me seemed severely demented. She started to scream and cry, constantly repeating the same thing. The staff tried to calm her down, but it didn’t work. They tied her up to the bed and then she got even more intense. It looked like a contagious disease and reminded me of some areas with Portuguese dogs…as soon as one starts, there will be a huge concert. Why didn’t I think about bringing earplugs? At some point I found my phone and checked if I really was in a hospital or in a madhouse.
Hilarious and full of Shit
I tell people often that the current healthcare system in the Netherlands sucks, but this place was next level. The first hospital was fine. The second hospital? The staff really wanted to help until a certain point. After the moment the dinosaurs got crazy, the staff ignored every patient and followed their own plan. This means you can lay there in the bed in a traffic jam for hours, without any information. The smell reminded my of of a morgue. Several of the oldies let their poop and pee flow, something that was actually not possible for me. After receiving the meds for waking up my guts, nothing happened. Another dose, nothing happened. The blood and X-ray results came. I had inflammation in my guts. I was just full of shit. I just didn’t have the guts to do it…to get it out. The smell of death in this place didn’t make it easier. I know how it feels to be an outsider and even here is was quite clear I am. I was the only one lying on the bed in my normal clothes and muddy shoes, without a blanket…still not fully grey. I felt like a total stranger in the room. The doctor told me to walk a bit, I was happy to get some fresher air. The responsible doctor also told me, that they wouldn’t let me go, before I made a #2. But they were also not checking and totally believed me on my blue eyes. Or brown, they were full of shit maybe. The meds became a bit weird and I experienced my biggest nightmare: they put something in my ass 3 times and squeezed some liquid in me…this was definitely not on my bucket list!
I feel so much better, when moving around with a fresh ocean breeze
Released?
The other thing in this place, the service. The doctor that was responsible was nice to me, she reminded me of a cartoon character. During the afternoon I saw lunch coming in the corridor. But it was not enough. I asked for some food and water several times. At the end of the day I finally managed to get a small bottle of water, after not getting any water or IV for 8 hours. I told them I had some diarrhea and blood. That was ‘good’ enough to leave the Emergency Department. I was done with this mad house, where they asked me to take my pants down a bit too often. Conclusion: inflamed bowels (Colitis Ulcerosa) and constipation. Both have a special diet, but what is needed for 1 diet is not good for the other diet…perfect. They prescribed some meds and advised to see my specialist in my home country. When I explained it normally takes 3 - 6 months to make an appointment, they could not believe it. I followed parts of both diets, but I still experience constipation after several days. I am starting to feel like a buddha statue. I am happy to be released and will try out the medication. So far the healthy food, walking, running, body boarding and the good care of my new friends here…didn’t give me the guts to do it: Vinnie the Poo!
At the end of the day I could have a taste of Spring and I got saved by Maria
A story full of Shit
Not a typical Vanlife story, but also this happens. You can end up in a hospital while living on the road. Not having a proper toilet or shower, can be annoying in the above situation. After jumping into the salty ocean on my board, I still went for a clean (paid) shower, to get rid of the old people smell. I know, you can make jokes I can’t get rid of the smell, because I am already a dinosaur. I am happy that I’m not extinct. I can now thick off 2 hospitals in 1 night + a Portuguese ambulance off the bucket list. First a hospital in Peniche (which sounds like Penis) and then I want to the hospital in Caldas da Rainha (the town known for the famous Penis Pottery). I might get a few special designed shot penises to celebrate the moment that I am in the right flow again. How did I got back to my van from the last hospital? After being released, the 'service' stops. You have to arrange your own transport. I managed to find a bus, that brought me back to Vin Diesel...a trip that also took a few hours.
Special thanks to my Hive-friend @xsasj for preparing some healthy meals and doing some shopping