Today I took a moment to pause, and acknowledge how utterly content I am with my life. The thought dawned upon me while I watched my children playing at the park, happy and healthy, two arms and two legs...
(My wonderful husband with our two beautiful girls 💖)
I recognize that there are not many who are in a similar situation as myself that can say the same. One group who does not experience this privilege in the same way are those with sick children, or those who have experienced child loss.
My entire social media following is dedicated to grief: widows, bereaved parents, terminally ill children... In our society, many people choose to shelter themselves from grief and pain; they shut it out, cut it off, entirely. But I embrace them.
These emotions are vital to uncovering what is TRULY important in life. You learn to stop filling your time, devoting your energy, to garbage: internet fights, politics, brain rot music, The News™... You begin to realize how precious life is, but more importantly, who you want to experience this beautiful life with.
I cannot say it to grieving individuals without it being taken offensively, but there is so much beauty in grief... This evening, I saw a video from a woman who had passed away from ovarian cancer. Sometimes she would comment on how unfair her predicament was. One day, somebody asked her, "Why? Why is it so unfair?"
"Because my life is amazing! I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, I've seen lovely places and done amazing things. There are some people trying to end their lives because it's so hard for them, and I fought because mine was so amazing... I don't want to leave this life..."
What a beautiful thing to feel... What a blessing it is, to have spent your life with wonderful people, and an entire lifetime surrounded by positivity and engulfed in love... What a beautiful way to have lived life.
Then there is the second group that will never experience the privilege either: the ones who resent their lives. The ones who don't have time because they are too busy feeling sorry for themselves to bother with anyone or anything else.
I recently had to hear from my father that he couldn't help me out of a pickle because "I spent all those years raising you and your sister single-handedly -- I want to start living for myself now." Start?... He hadn't been living before?... As if the role of fatherhood had been thrust upon him and hadn't been a conscious decision that he (and mom) made for themselves... I didn't have a choice, monkey in the middle, and despite my best efforts to be a good child, I am still viewed with disdain, as if I robbed my father of something.
There was a time when I had been blessed to have "lived for myself" too... I aimlessly strolled through life, from one day to the next. I didn't commit to anything but tattoos, and gave into lust anytime I (or someone else) wanted it. I was saving all of my money, but I didn't know what for. I gave myself to people whose only intent was to take advantage of me. I felt devoid of meaning, as did life itself, and I became a shell of the person that I was, actively trying to kill myself with hard drugs.
Yet, I am grateful to have gone through the experience when I did. I am grateful to have experienced a meaningless life so that I can now recognize a meaningful one. If I hadn't, I may not appreciate my children, and my role as a mother, as much as I do today. Perhaps I would be one of those parents mindlessly on their phones at the park. Or worse, my 57-year-old father, who believes that he will magically uncover some secret meaning to life that he must have missed, doing everything that he has already done before...
I have lived through enough to know and acknowledge that children are the most precious thing in life. It breaks my heart that my parents never realized this, and never treated me as such...
But this is the generational curse that I intend to break. My children are gold, and I do my best to show them that they are every day.
I just want to say a huge thank you again for the invite to this community. It is such a huge relief and immense appreciation to have my efforts on here acknowledged 🙏
I have promised myself to be more active and avaliable. This is my first post in this community; I hope it's appropriate. I look forward to reading and interacting with others! 😃 Again, thanks so much, and please have a wonderful weekend!