📷 by Jed Owen on Unsplash.com
Beep-beep-beep-beep!
Slightly annoyed by the sound of the alarm, Lea stretched and rolled the sheets away from her. The bright light that entered through the window made her rub her eyes. Despite the urge to continue sleeping, it was Thanksgiving day, and there was a lot to do.
"Siri, play Push by Madonna".
Her raspy voice brought back some flashes of the night before. Excess and overindulgence, ugh. Now, she had to balance things out. Lea jumped out of the bed, dancing to the rhythm of the music. Before heading to her bathroom, she picked a sports bra and training shorts from the drawer.
The first thing to catch her eyes: the reflection in the mirror. "No, no, no, not today", muttered to herself, looking away with determination. Lea washed her face, got dressed, and rushed downstairs to the kitchen. After having a plate of fruits and a coffee, no sugar, no milk, she headed outside for her usual morning run.
Fifteen miles later, an exhausted but pleased Lea came back to the house. Last day's alcohol surplus, burned away. Yay, me! As soon as she stepped on the hall, her bubble burst. "It was about time, dear". Oh, the disappointed tone. What a nice greet, Marah, you always outdo yourself. "Good morning, mom. I'll be ready to cook in twenty minutes. There's still enough time", she replied, trying to sound as docile and happy as possible.
Despite the successful, calorie killer sprint of that day, a knot of fear appeared on Lea's stomach. By the time she had showered, it had grown to the size of a turkey. Freaking bird and its darned stuffing. Why do I have the only one in this family with a talent for cooking? They are all way too happy leaving that for me to do.
You push me, to go the extra mile
You push me, when it's difficult to smile
You push me, a better version of myself
You push me, only you and no one else
Humming Madonna's song to keep the distress at bay, Lea headed back to the kitchen. She even danced a little, an imperceptible move of the hips. While gathering ingredients and utensils, she felt confident. Was it so crazy to expect everything to go well? Okay, the setup seems done. I'm good to go. Lea put on her apron and grabbed a Reese's from the counter bowl. "Oh, dear, haven't you gone up a few pounds already? Do you have to start eating candy this early?" Lea's heart sank, and she flinched in pain for a millisecond. "Yeah, I guess you're right", she sighed and proceeded to spit the piece of chocolate in the trash.
Five hours later, Lea's enthusiasm had faded into turmoil. She had gotten dressed, done her hair, and put on makeup. The navy blue silk dress her mother had chosen for her highlighted her skin. If she had eaten something other than fruit that day, it might have been a good thing, but right now she looked pale. A dull, unattractive shade of paper-white. That's what the mirror screamed at her. The dress, tight in all the wrong places, enlarged her proportions ad nauseam.
She was pinching her belly with disgust when a knock on the door kicked her out of the loop. "Your aunt and cousins are here, Lea. Are you planning on joining us or is your room more interesting?" Fuck me. Oops. Sorry. Blimey! Lea rolled her eyes, put a cent in the curse jar, and went downstairs to say hi to the family. Her legs were a bit shaky, and her stomach roared so loud she thought everyone would hear it. Her head was foggy, unable to follow the conversation. After what felt like an hour, she excused herself and hid in the kitchen.
Alone, at last, Lea couldn't help herself and raided the candy bowl. One after the other, the mini-sized chocolate bars disappeared into her mouth. She wasn't even tasting them at that point. She couldn't even think, only eat. When she heard steps coming closer, it was too late. Her grandma Aurelia showed up at the door, and Lea froze in place.
A kind, sympathetic expression appeared on the aged face. She tumbled her way to her granddaughter, holding the cane with a trembling hand. "My child, you do know you're precious and beautiful, right?" The sage, timeless gaze in her eyes demolished the last of her defenses, and Lea began to sob. "Sweet girl, no one in the world can have the power to bring you down. You're strong, smart, talented, capable. You deserve to enjoy life. Food is fuel. Exercise is a pleasure. Darling, not even your mother has the right to make you feel less." At that point, Lea was wailing in the arms of her grandma. She felt the enormous weight lifted from her chest.
Aurelia let the young woman cry until she was ready to wash her face. She offered water, and they sat together on the porch. No one else had noticed anything, and she was not about to tell. When the mother called them for dinner, Lea's breathing had a normal pace, and her eyes shimmered with joy. For the first time in years, she enjoyed the Thanksgiving feast.