Gaming is the door to my other lives. Whether I want to be a sniper barely breathing and hiding in a desert, a fairy with enormous wings whose spells fall from the sky, or just a fuzzy ball with little eyes who is trying to go to the other side of a ruined world, all I have to do is face my device and immerse myself to a game. This hobby has been a great part of my life. When reality gets too rough and depressing, games give me a pat on the back and a little vacation to someplace I could relax. Perhaps, I could even say it has accompanied me better than most people. Games pour me back the energy drained from social interaction.
Gaming has also paved the way for me to meet my best friend and the love of my life although it did not have a sparkly start. Eleven years ago, I was playing Tetris in a small computer shop near my secondary school. I was smashing it, turning every piece so they would create a perfect plane of my design. My wins are stacked and it felt so good! Suddenly, a guy, Ding is his name, came and sat beside me. He also played Tetris. My heart sank when I saw he had a higher rank than me. The attention left me and sided with him. What an insult to my being! Snatching the spotlight just right beside me so I could still feel the warmth that is no longer mine. My young competitive self did not think much longer and I challenged him to a duel. His brows met and his face was confused. We did not know we'll be together a little longer after that. Thanks to Tetris!
Gaming has become more fun and fulfilling with my boyfriend. As a gamer himself, he introduced me to other games and expanded my experience. We played Ran (private servers), Mobile Legends Bang Bang, Axie Infinity, PUBG, and a lot more.
Ding's and my character having a date somewhere quiet in the battle-thirsty Ran world. Look at our pet turtle saying hi!
However, most of our gaming time together has been in Dota 2. He is my carry. I am his support.
Good ol' days when we still had high MMR. Those hands! Can't help but stay cheesy, eh?
Even in college, I still had time for gaming. I just can't imagine how boring and stressful college life would be without playing! When the last class would be over, I'd look back from my seat and find Otep, my gamer friend, already staring at me. Then we'd share a smile which means only one thing-- TIME TO PLAY! Yessir, we'd always say. We'd pack our things and head to the computer shop, our paradise.
I may have played almost every day of my college life, but I was never left behind in my studies. That's one thing my mom is proud about me, she says. For me, studying is better done after some games when my mind has warmed up. I guess it really worked for me because I still managed to be a consistent dean's lister. I had no choice because I needed it for my scholarship. Thank games!
When I was already teaching in a private school, gaming was the soft bed with newly cleaned sheets I was excited to come home to on weekends. I had less time for it because my priorities changed when I started working, but it just made my time for gaming as precious as a rare item and I savored every minute of it.
To make the best out of my love for gaming, I sometimes include it in my class activities. Students love games! One time, I made a Dota 2 inspired boardgame and called it Race to the Fountain of Life. The board map was already made. I found it online, but I made the rules and mechanics, cards, and even the lore of the game! My students even borrow it sometimes during their break. Unfortunately, I lost most of the cards. These pictures are what's left of it.
Then when the nightmare of the Pandemic became a reality, my fear for my safety caused me to not renew my contract and pause teaching. After some time of doing nothing aside from gaming, my boyfriend suggested I try streaming my games. Before, streaming was a faraway star for me. I never once thought I'd be able to do it. I am just a casual gamer, not a pro. However, my circumstances then forced me to just do it. Luckily, my streaming supported me during the lockdown. I received tips from viewers and supporters and sometimes I'd take offers for playing a game. Those were some of my happiest times. My heart is filled with joy when I think I was lucky to be doing what I love and being paid for it. I was ready to do it forever or so I thought.
I edited this photo on Canva. This was my page's banner. I streamed on Facebook for six days a week.
It continued for almost two years, but as time passed, my shining passion for it is losing its luster. There is something that is missing. I was not growing. That uncomfortable thought grew in me and I was suffocating. I believe if I'm not growing, I might be dying. Days and weeks of introspection found the lump that had been stuck in my core. I realized I was not doing enough to spark my brain. I miss academics. I miss teaching. I miss writing and reading, and all the other brainy stuff I used to do. Therefore, I decided to quit streaming and teach again.
I realized I love gaming, but I do not want it to be my main job. When I am pressured to do it, instead of just doing it because I wanted to, it creates a gap that is slowly widening until it ceases to be a passion. I think my passion should not be my job. My job should give me my purpose. My passion should give me amusement and relaxation. When I forced gaming to give me purpose, I started to lose myself.
Now that I have stopped streaming, I'm back to playing games with just myself, my boyfriend, or some friends. I missed how relaxing it feels to be in my own different world without the pressure of being viewed or reaching a financial goal. I also started writing more so I could feel more alive and growing. What a great combo!
Oh! There's a knock on the door. I guess that's my boyfriend. I wish I could bring you, but it's a game date! (I hope) We are winning some games, baby!