I’ve never really had the best luck when it comes to making female friends. Somehow it always ends in one of two ways: I either end up being treated like an ATM only contacted when there’s a financial need, or I find myself doing all the heavy lifting in the friendship, trying to keep conversations alive with someone who’s barely interested, who is not ready to engage you in all kinds of intellectual conversation, yeah? Those are the kind of female friends I always end up meeting in the real world. After a while I just stopped trying I just felt, trying to be friends with a person when I already knew the outcome of the friendship wasn't worth it. I made peace with the fact that maybe genuine, effortless friendships with women just weren’t for me.
But once in a while, life does something surprising.
You meet someone for the very first time and yet it feels like you’ve known them forever. There’s no awkward silence, no pretending, no expectation, just a calm easy flow that feels too natural to be true. That was exactly how I felt when I met Toluwalase. It wasn’t planned and I wasn’t expecting anything special. I had traveled to a different state for something entirely unrelated but somehow meeting her became the best thing that happened to me during that trip.
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How did it happen? You ask.
Well, I had just left Abuja for Lagos. I was going home to see my parent, but I never had any expectation of meeting someone new and starting a friendship that would make it look like I had been living the dream I have always had.
I have been attending my church for quite a long time, and the truth is that I have had so many conversation with different people but none of them felt like something real. I just had to talk with them so I don't look like a proud or rude person.
Then one Sunday after the service was over, this pretty lady with dark skin, the kind that glows under the sunlight, walked up to me with a little smile on her face. When she walked up to me, I saw a lady trying to hide her fear and shyness behind her smile. This was a smile I haven't seen in a long time. There was nothing forced about her. When she spoke, it wasn't noisy; I could hear her completely, but I was too focused on her person that I wasn't even listening to what she was saying.
"So what did you think, sir?" It was then that I realized she had been talking to me and had asked me a question.
"About what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention before," I said with a smile, and this time she took a quick peek at my face before looking down again, holding her two hands together as she spoke.
"I said I would like to join the word team department in the church," She said calmly. She had asked me because I was one of the youth leaders in the church, and I had to help her get in touch with the right person, so I decided to ask her a few questions.
"This isn't your first time here, is it" I asked
"No, it's my second time, but I do attend a branch before" She said, but this time she was looking at me. I went ahead to explain things to her, then we parted ways.
The next Sunday, after the service, I saw her walking outside the church, so I walked fast towards her.
"Hey, Toluwa. Good morning." I said after I got closer to her. "Have you been able to join the department you asked about last Sunday?"
"Oh, Yes, Yes. I have been able to. Sorry, I didn't come back to say thank you" she was looking at me this time, but I could tell she just wanted to run away.
"Alright. Can I have your number so we can communicate more" I requested, and she gave it to me.
That same day, I sent a text so she would know I was the one, then we started communicating. From one conversation to another. It was like we have been friends for a long time. We spoke about everything yet it felt like we haven't talked about anything.
It continued like that for months, then I began to ask myself, "Is this what a genuine friendship looks like? because it felt like I was living the dream I had always thought was impossible.
True friendship does exist, and I think I found mine.
Thanks for reading. My name is Fashtioluwa.
