Blutwurst: pork sausage, with a touch of beef and black pepper for seasoning.
Boondoggling It All
“Haven't you picked up the crap from downtown yet?” he would usually get yelled at around his house.
“I'd have to pick you all up first!” Bunk would reply sometimes choleric; sometimes with a chuckle.
Although there was a constant cleaning service at Heildenberg, they never did it as well as Bunk. From dawn until late at night there wasn't a corner of town that his broom and rags hadn't left like a handful of diamonds.
A litter-free alley? An intense pleasure. Sparkling windows? A delirium for hours. Squares without food or drink stains? Endless ecstasy. Bunk Schnal never ceased to be an admirer of his daily work.
The regularity of his happiness and ease came to an end one morning shortly after contemplating Heildenberg, before sweeping, from a nearby hill.
Beyond the People's Tower, Bunk watched, heartbroken, as some began to gather around a giant pile of metal debris, filthy clothes and lots of rotting food.
Bunk clutched his head in horror, his 30-year record of “Clean Heildenberg” was over and he didn't know how it had happened. Then with great rancor he began to insult that mountainous scum who had ruined his life.
“You monstrous, hideous creature, I will clean you out at any cost,” he shrieked.
“I will not be like Don Quixote,” the supreme cleaner continued to convince himself, “I will defeat this filthy mill that wants to swallow my town.”
As Bunk rode off like a horse on the prairie toward his beloved town, the people were surprised not to see him in action with such filth rotting the air that the townsmen breathed.
Despair grew among them and they chanted incessantly:
“Beetle, beetle, beetle!”
“Here he comes!” shouted some.
“I can't believe my eyes, the Beetle is coming with 10 brooms,” exclaimed some blushing young girls.
“It's the end of Heildenberg,” cried Mayor Brandons.
Bunk took no notice of any comments. Neither good nor bad. From the hill, he had already been warming up his body for his most spectacular cleansing. Nothing was holding back his spirit of justice in wanting to eliminate that dunghill-smelling monstrosity forever.
At first, Bunk battled alone against rusted car parts, vomited clothes and a pile of rotten meatballs. After 1 hour of tireless sweeping and bleach water, the result was very awful. Not only did it still smell really bad, but the garbage never seemed to end.
Heildenberg's cleaning staff wanted to help, but they couldn't get rid of the filth that was driving the whole town crazy. Everyone was speechless. For the first time Heildenberg was the dirtiest place in the world.
“and now what?” a few began to ask themselves.
“How will we get out of this?” the mayor asked anxiously as he paced back and forth.
There was no answer. Nor did Bunk respond. Bunk had disappeared!
Many near the People's Tower began to hypothesize that he had been swallowed by the mucky mountain.
“The Beetle is dead,” people cried.
The hero was gone, but not because he had perished under a pile of garbage, but because he wanted to try something new.
Back in his little house on the outskirts of Heildenberg, he was already scheming. His old trade as an electrician enlightened him enough to try his hand at a boondoggle. He had wires, electrical circuits, fan blades and even an empty cylindrical long water tank.
“What are you trying to do now, for heaven's sake?” asked Mrs. Miles heatedly.
“Easy, momma, it's for Heildenberg's sake,” Bunk barely said, as he continued to create a totally bizarre thing in his house.
“You don't have to try so hard to save people who don't take your work into account, little Bunky,” Mrs. Miles lectured him.
"I have to! This mechanical Blutwurst will be the ultimate boondoggle of cleanliness. Everything will be shimmering, everything," Bunk shouted uncontrollably to his mother who was covering her face.
Bunk, in his fascination, thought he could finish his cleaning Blutwurst in a couple of hours, but that vacuuming sausage took longer and more materials than expected.
Even when it was finished—10 hours later—Bunk couldn't lift himself off the floor. He was as heavy as his own boondoggle.
The next day he woke up, somewhat dazed, not by the sun's rays, but by all the townsmen who had gone looking for him and had been impressed by The Beetle's vacuum cleaner Blutwurst.
“What is all this?” he was asked.
“People of Heildenberg, I need you to help me move this to the People's Tower to end the horrible filth,” Bunk answered, barely regaining his strength.
So it was that everyone understood their mission, and with great effort and some hesitation, the townsmen marshaled their energies to move the Blutwurst there.
Near the People's Tower, the mayor was waiting nervously, and when he saw what the people were bringing, he thought they had made a giant broom.
“My God, with this broom not even people's hatred is going to go un-cleaned,” Mayor Brandons joked.
But by then most knew that more than a broom, it was Bunk Schnal's mechanical cleaning Blutwurst. Not yet knowing how it worked, people dropped it off the garbage hill.
Biting their nails and sweating rivers, people watched as Bunk approached the site, beetle-like, and stumbled, as ridiculous as it was funny, causing him to ignite the Blutwurst without a triumphant preamble.
All those present let out expressions of astonishment as Bunk's giant sausage began to slowly absorb parts of the stinking monster that was polluting the Heildenberg environment. Balls of jeans covering corroded tires, pieces of rusted pipe and copper wires intermingled with spaghetti, everything was disappearing as if by magic in front of the gawking crowd.
However, against all odds, the Blutwurst stopped. Many thought it had been damaged, but Bunk commented the truth about it.
"No, it's not defective. My cleaning creation is perfect. So perfect it is that I will clean all the filth out of Heildenberg, including you," laughed Bunk Machiavellianly before turning the machine back on.
As ominous as it sounded, Bunk directed the suction of his Blutwurst towards the townsmen themselves. Screams, wails and curses could be heard. All in a matter of a few seconds.
Much greater would have been the horror had it not been for Heildenberg's cleaning team. They realized that Bunk was so engrossed in his plan, he neglected his Blutwurst. Then the cleaners started kicking and punching it to pieces, until the dreadful thing stopped for good.
Bunk tried to turn it on one more time, but it wouldn't work. In the blink of an eye, the Beetle was surrounded by the people who had not been swallowed up, and he got what he deserved. Then the trapped people gradually emerged from the broken Blutwurst.
On further inquiries the Heildenberg cleaning team learned from Mrs. Miles that her son harbored a deep hatred for the people. According to her, Bunk was always arguing with her in the evenings because no one in town looked up to him, but rather mocked him for his obsession with cleanliness.
Despite her advanced age, Bunk's mother, as a sign of repentance, helped to clean up the mess her son left behind with his Blutwurst, and also donated some money to a common fund so that in the future there would be a more competent cleaning team in that distant town of Heildenberg.
