Love is abstract, so is Santa. But not because you don't see it, doesn't mean you shouldn't believe it.
-- Idle Mind
Cool evening breeze kissed Remund’s exposed skin as he stretched his body on the tiled floor of his open balcony. He was half-naked, lying on his back, letting his gloomy eyes wander across the vast night skies.
At a corner, Lia stared at the man whose existence caused her life to be heaven on earth. For her, he was a mere mortal but was incomparable to any deity in Greek mythology. He was more alluring and radiant than Apollo and even more desirable than Narcissus. He possessed overflowing charm and beauty, enough to drive her out of her sanity.
She stood there frozen, feasting at the gorgeous sight. She allowed her gaze to trace every inch of his masculinity.
"How long do you plan to stay there? I can smell your presence from here, Lia. That sweet caramel scent of yours is lingering in my nostrils," he said, without turning his head in her direction. "In a few moments, I'll doze off. You should be ready."
"I'm ready as I'll ever be, Rem." Lia stopped herself from giggling as his words "that sweet caramel scent of yours" trailed off her head, sending jitters to her sensation. She strode towards him with swiftness, synchronizing her heartbeat.
"Are you sure you want to sleep here like this?" She studied his reaction with her heart in her eyes as she spoke. "You might catch a cold."
"Why am I sensing so much worry from your voice? It's not part of your job description to be concerned about my health."
Silence came playing along with the crickets' song, as she couldn't find the courage to respond to the always grumpy man. Despite that, she still admired him.
Indeed, being worried sick for Remund Sebastian, a famous mystery novel writer, was not part of her signed contract. She was just his assistant, more like his ghostwriter.
Her weird situation started when the once talk- of- the- town novelist got involved in a vehicular accident with his fiancée. That mishap didn’t take his life, but it stole the light from his eyes, making his career crumble to pieces.
"Can you remind me why I hired you?"
"You didn't hire me. I volunteered."
He didn't respond. Moments later, he mumbled something inaudible. That was Lia's cue. She readied the recorder and settled beside the Sleeping Handsome. He stirred a little and sobbed. His soft facial muscles were distorted and would turn into a grimace because of the images only he could see.
"Jillie, where are you? Please don't go. Please, no goodbyes," he mumbled.
Lia waited for the next words Rem would utter while tears welled in her eyes. Her silent cry of pain was only for her to listen to.
"He still can't get over her," she thought.
Moments later, he began speaking again.
"Dark tunnel... mom stop! Jillie is real! I'm not imagining her! She's real... please." Gentle yet poignant sobs consumed the rest of his sleeping struggle.
Lia uttered wishful thinking to herself, "Rem, please wake up and live in the real world… with me." She wiped her tears away, careful not to sob as it might get recorded too.
Yes, Lia’s job was to record Remund’s words while he slept, whether it made sense. She would patiently stay out late every single night to make sure not a word would go unrecorded. He would then listen to the recording the following day and weave stories out of what was saved. And since he was blind, he would just record his concept and Lia had to do the typing and editing, with Remund’s supervision, of course.
Lia would have little to no sleep in twenty-four hours because she also had to feed him. The maids in the house were afraid of Mr. Scrooge—as they call him.
The following day, when Lia had just fallen asleep, she was startled by Remund’s booming voice.
"Wake up." His approach was rigid, his voice as cold as ice. "I said wake up!" This time, his voice was with authority. His tone was as prickly as a newly sharpened knife.
"What is wrong with you? Am I not allowed to slumber after staying awake last night?!" she replied while fixing her hair and clearing her vision.
His face was as blank as his stare. "Did I really say this?" he asked, then played the recording.
“Jillie, they told me you’re unreal. Please tell me they’re lying.”
Lia listened to it before she responded.
“Of course, you said that. Can’t you recognize your own voice?” she asked, controlling her emotion not to sound sarcastic.
“I know my voice! I just don’t trust the words!”
"Why? Do you expect me to tamper that?! Quit being grumpy!" she snapped in an annoyed tone.
"I'm not writing anything about it!"
"Then don't! The hell you have woken me for your rants!"
"How should I know you're not including this in the manuscript? I can't even see you do the typing."
"That's exactly the problem! You're being doubtful that someone like me will change the storyline of your fantasy." She sounded hurt by his distrust. "You're unfair! I have given up my dream of becoming a writer because of what happened to you two years ago. I have been by your side for you to write again. But this is how you say thank you?"
Remund was taken aback by her outburst. He couldn't see her facial expression, but he could tell by her voice that she was crying. He couldn't find the words to comfort her, though.
"Lia..."
"I have always been there for you. From those times, you have your eyesight until you lost them. I was there, and Jillie hadn't. In fact, she had NEVER been there because she's NOT REAL! I had been and always will be there for you, but you have been staying in your head, dealing with your imaginary fiancée."
"That's not true! Jillie is real!"
He didn't hear any reply, only shuffling noise and a loud bang of a shutting door filling his ears gave him the sign that Lia ran out.
Moments later, a roaring car engine and screeching tires replaced the silence, overcoming the room.
It was nighttime.
Remund could only say so because of the hooting evening birds outside. He didn’t know what time it was, but there was still no sign that Lia had come back. He was growing impatient inside his room, tapping his cane on the wooden floor. Then, there was a gentle knock on his door, followed by a female’s voice.
“Sir, would you like to have dinner now?” she asked.
“What time is it?”
“It’s almost nine in the evening, sir.”
“Has Lia returned?”
“No, sir.”
“Then, I’m not eating. You can sleep now.”
“Thank you, sir,” she replied and left.
“Lia, where are you?” Remund muttered. “Why hadn’t you called?”
He took his phone to dial Lia’s number, but then he realized he couldn’t see his contacts and sent the phone flying and smashing it on the wall. Damn it!
While his mind went dizzy because of worrying, his memory brought him back to his childhood days. Back then, there was a girl who used to hang around their house with her mother. It was Lia. She was coy and preferred to hide behind the couch whenever he sees her. He remembered how she would blush every time he would look at her. And as time went by, they became friends.
When they became teenagers, he knew he had developed a special fondness for her. He even ended up admitting that he was in love with her. But by the time he was about to confess his love for Lia, an awful truth revealed itself that struck him the most.
From that time, he started avoiding her as if she had a contagious disease. He began spending most of his time inside his head. That was how he had become a writer. That was the time he met. No! That was the time he created Jillie. His beloved female protagonist. She was a fictional character who resembled Lia. He made her so alive that he could vividly see her as if she was a part of his reality.
All the love he failed to express to Lia, he would let Jillie feel. All the things he was supposed to do with Lia, he did to Jillie. His parents even decided that he saw a psychiatrist before his condition got worse, but he refused and insisted that Jillie was real.
He took a deep breath and waited until Lia arrived, deciding that he wouldn’t hit the hay unless she came back. He spent his time reminiscing about how awful he had treated Lia despite her sacrifices for him, but his trains of thought were cut by another knock.
“Sir? Your mom is on the phone. May I come in?”
“Okay.”
The maid handed him the phone they used in the maid’s quarter and left.
“Mom?”
“Why aren’t you picking up?”
“Sorry, what is it?” There was a long silence on the other end, but he was certain he heard his mom sob. “Are you crying?”
“No… no. I just called to let you know that we have found an eye donor, and you’ll have your surgery the day after tomorrow.”
“Lia left this morning but hasn’t come home yet. I think I had gone too far.” There was an eerie silence again.
“Just give her time to cool off. By the way, I should go now. It’s late. I don’t want insomnia to win me over. Good night, Rem. I love you.”
After that call, Remund spent his night chasing sleep.
Two days had gone by quickly, but Lia hadn’t even called Remund. It was the day of his surgery, and he badly wanted to let her know. He had been bugging his mother about contacting Lia, but he would always get a NO as an answer.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you.” His mom would always tell him whenever he insisted.
“But does she know today’s my surgery?”
“Yes. I told her, but she refused to come.”
And that was his new reality—Lia avoiding him. He wondered what his life would be like after the surgery.
“Mr. Remund Sebastian,” a male’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “We will proceed to the operation now.”
Those were the last words he heard as the tranquilizer kicked in and sleep embraced him.
Several hours after the surgery, Remund was back to reality, waking to the scent of medicine in the air and the sound of ECG.
"Rem, how are you?" his mom asked.
"Where's Lia?" he asked back.
There was no response. Only deep sighs and hissing voices. He could feel two to three individuals inside his room with their gaze like tiny needles pricking his soul. He could feel people exchanging looks of disbelief.
"Cat got your tongues? I asked about Lia."
"Rem, are you sure you're asking about her? Not Jil—" his father's voice cracked and shaky.
"Dad, I have repeated Lia's name, haven't I?" He filled his lungs with air and sighed. "How is she?"
"She's fine," his mom replied.
"That's good to hear, mom. Can I see her? I mean, I can't literally yet, but I want to see her."
"Sure. But we can do that after you have fully recovered."
"I want to go to her NOW!"
"I'm afraid you can't." A third voice cut through Rem's tantrum-throwing scheme. "She doesn't want to see you until you’re fully healed."
"Aunt Marlie?"
Hearing her voice sent shivers down his spine. His breathing became ragged as if his lungs were squeezed and his heart was again shredded to tiny smithereens. And for the second time, he was dragged into his past. A part of his life that he tried hard to escape and would love to change if only he could...
It was the day that he had been waiting for. The day he would confess to Lia. He excitedly went home from school, knowing that Lia and her mother would be there too.
"Margie, please. We should tell them the truth. We can't keep secrets from them forever. I know that you have noticed it. Rem and Lia... they can't be together."
He stood frozen. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but fate seemed to have come across his path, blocking his bliss and turning it into something unbearable.
"Marlie. How about we just separate them? I mean, they should stop seeing each other. Maybe if that happens, they will eventually forget each other. They're still young. They could still meet other potential partners."
"How about us? We're sisters, not to mention twins. And..."
"And, our children's father is the same person."
There was silence. The gift he had on one hand almost slipped freely, while his free hand clenched to a fist. His vision was blurry with streaming tears as he left the place with heavy steps.
"Rem?" His mother's concerned voice brought him back to reality. He could feel the warm liquid escaping his eyes despite the layers of eye pad, shield, and bandage.
"Please. All of you, leave me alone."
"Rem, soon you'll see her. And Lia will be happy about that. Please rest."
Footsteps became inaudible as the door clicked close, but the pain in his chest was as heavy as boulders pinning him like an ant. He cried his heart out, remembering how tragic his life had become. He and Lia were entangled in a miserable, twisted fate that they couldn't escape.
As he was just letting sleep lure him, two nurses came in and started chatting in a whisper.
"So, he is the famous Remund Sebastian. He's quite a catch, don't you think?" asked the first nurse.
"Yeah. If only he's not blind, we'll probably have time to flaunt our looks to him," the other one said with a giggle.
He heard them chuckle as they leave the room. He simpered and smirked as his mind screamed.
"The hell I care about how the two of you look! All I want is to see Lia."
Days went by, but he hadn't heard of Lia. His parents and aunt Marlie insisted Lia was still mad at him, that was why she didn't want to see him yet.
Although the idea of Lia not wanting to talk to him killed like a thousand shots, he was happy at the thought that he would soon reunite with her. More than that, he was excited because his surgery went well. He had his eyesight back.
After recuperating for several days, he was discharged. Once he reached home, he went straight to Lia's room. He lay on her bed, thinking she was with him. Just as the thought crossed his mind, his mother called him, telling him about a notebook Lia left underneath the covers. She gave him explicit instructions.
"Get the notebook, but don't open it until we get to where Lia is."
Smiling ear to ear, he searched for the notebook and resisted the temptation of opening it once he had found it. He couldn’t help himself but smile that, finally, she would see him.
After driving for an hour and a half, Rem found Lia.
"Care to read what's in the notebook, Rem?" Lia asked in her sweet voice.
"Go ahead son, do as you are told." His father patted his back, giving him an encouraging smile.
With shaking hands and a trembling voice, Rem read the notes aloud.
"I hate you! I hate you for doubting me after all those years that we have been together. I hate you for being grumpy. I hate you for choosing to stay with Jillie in your head rather than staying with me. I hate you for not loving me the way I love you."
He sobbed and finally broke into tears as he continued reading.
"But you know what? Despite so many reasons to hate you, I really can't help myself but love you more each day. Our destiny may have toyed with us wickedly, but I didn't regret it. I didn't feel sorry that your biological dad is also my biological dad. I didn't blame dad for accidentally sleeping with my mom while he was already with aunt Margie. I didn't regret being born to be of blood relation to you because I got the chance to be with you although we can't be together."
Rem stopped, tears free-flowing. "I can't do this anymore." He stopped reading, but Lia's voice permeated in the air.
"I know it hurts. But please be happy for me. All I want is for you to be happy. Please continue writing wonderful stories. Please keep inspiring bookworms and writers- wanna- be. I will always be there for you, no matter what happens. I love you not as a half-brother, but I love you the way what love should really mean."
Marlie pressed the stop button of Lia's recorded voice. Lia partly wrote her message for Rem and decided that the other half must be spoken. Then the three of them gave Rem a group hug as they glanced at Lia's tombstone. Rem's heart sank six feet below the ground as they walked out of the graveyard.
Lia met with an accident the day she left after having a fight with him. She died without him having the chance to say sorry. But even until her last breath, all she could think about was him and his career. Before Death claim her soul, she donated her eyes to the love of her life.
That night, Rem stayed on his balcony with swollen eyes while clutching Lia's notebook. He tried to read the rest of her letter.
"The moment you open my eyes, that is now yours, please look up the skies. I will be there watching over you."
After reading the last line, he wiped his tears. He took a deep breath and whispered, "Can you see the stars that I see now, Lia? They're lovely but not as lovely as you are. We may not be together in this life, but a part of you stayed with me for all eternity. Now, among all other dark days, is even darker. But, at least from now on, I can tell you I love you every single day by just looking at your eyes."