My heart was currently a battlefield, where my love for her and the feeling of betrayal waged a war for dominance. Would I really like the taste of what I'm about to chew? Of the decision I'm about to make?
What am I supposed to say to her? And how can I possibly deny her when she's here, on her knees, pleading and crying? Seeing her crying breaks my heart.
And, although accepting her and the baby might be a mistake, I love her still. What if I don't end up regretting it??.
On one hand, my anger and hurt from the betrayal still lingered, but on the other, I couldn't bear to see her in such pain and heartbreak.
Our relationship was met with skepticism from the very beginning. When Elizabeth and I started dating, the guys, my friends kept saying the same thing "they're not going to last".
And even after a year into our relationship, their belief still stood. Reason being because of Elizabeth's reputation as a 'every man girl'. A rumor kept going round that almost every man who has set his eyes on Elizabeth has been between her legs.
But despite the rumors swirling around Elizabeth, I found myself irresistibly drawn to her. I saw in her a sweetness and tenderness that belied the gossip, and when she confided that she had only shared her bed with one man in her life, I believed her wholeheartedly. I felt so lucky to have found such a good-hearted, genuine person to share my life with.
That was until I found out she was pregnant, and also that I wasn't the father of the child. The news shook me to the core, and destroyed the trust I had built with Elizabeth.
So, it turned out that my friends had wagered on who could get Elizabeth to their bed first, and one of my friends had won the bet by seducing her, and then leaving the country for his business, leaving Elizabeth pregnant and alone.
Thereafter, he refused to have anything to do with her or her child. Saying "if it was that easy for me, I'm sure a hundred men has done it already, so look for the father of your child somewhere else, and stop disturbing my life, you dog"
I was overwhelmed with anger and betrayal from both my friends - who had coldly plotted to ruin my relationship, they were my closest friends and confidants. I was overwhelmed with anger towards my friends for their heartless bet on my relationship.
And also towards Elizabeth for falling for it, for her deception, leaving me with no choice but to break off the relationship, and begin the painful process of healing. Though it hurt me deeply.
But now here she was, on her knees, begging that her accept her and her baby.
"Please Peter, I promise to find a job after and pay your for everything" she's just repeating the same thing over and over again, while I do nothing but stare at her blankly, still reeling from the betrayal.
"Please, my father would..." sobs "disown me if..." sobs "he finds out" and more sobbing from her.
Between ragged breaths, she continued.
"Peter I beg of you, I do not want my child to grow up without a father either. And I don't want to shame my family with this"
But did she think of all these when she was fooling with my friend? Did she think of her father? Her family? Or the chance that she might get pregnant? Did she spare any thoughts for them? For me, when she betrayed me with my own friend? No, she did not. Her actions had been hers alone to bear.
"Peter, I know I'm asking for too much but you're my only hope. Please Peter, I love you"
No, she don't, she wouldn't do it if she loved me, if she for once considered how I'd feel, If she had thought of me, she wouldn't have done it so carefreely. Her actions spoke louder than her words.
"Please, I beg you in God's name. I'll pay you back for everything if that's what you want "
And that's how she really sees me. How much does she think it'd cost for me to accept a cheater back into my life, marry her so she wouldn't bring shame to her family for giving birth out of wedlock, and accepting a child that I'm not even sure who the father is anymore, and living with them my whole life, when I have better options?
"Peterrrrr" she draws. Lying down on the floor and crying even more, her wails filling the room.
Seeing her like this really breaks my heart, I've always hated to see her cry, and I still do. And I somehow feel like I'm the reason she's crying, after all I'm the one giving her deaf ears while she's crying and begging. I knew, my refusal to forgive was the cause of her pain. And that hurts also.
"Please, just for...." hiccups "Forgive me" hiccups "and just do this for me, please I beg of you"
I can't bring myself to send her out of my house. Neither can I bring myself to say 'no' to her when she's like this. Despite the hurt she had caused, my love for her still persisted.
And so, guided by my heart's desire, I surrended to the pleading gaze of the woman I still so much love, embracing the prospect of forgiveness. I still love this girl and I want her with me, including her unborn child, it's part of her also, and I once promised to love and want every part of her.
"Fine. I forgive you lizzy, now please stand up and stop crying" I said, with a gentle smile.
I'll never forget the pain she cursed me by fooling around with my own friend and getting pregnant, but neither can I forget our shared moments, the cherished moments that had forged our bond. While the pain of her betrayal still lingered, like a thorn in my heart, I realise that the strength of my love for her remained undiminished
I just hope I won't regret doing this. I hope I won't end up regretting what I'm about to do.
Despite the resolve I had mustered, my fear of what the future might hold tugged at my soul.
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