I have the sensation of being in nothingness... Where will I be, will it be that I exist, will it be that I have reached my end? I don't think so... I'm still breathing and my heart is beating.

I feel clumsy and dazed, my uncontrolled head beats incessantly and all is confusion. My eyes wander and my lazy eyelids, lethargic, refuse to obey.

I must calm down. Finally, I managed to open my eyes. There are only shadows. I have to give my eyes time to adjust... My gaze begins to give references. I observe the place with avidity and interest, scrutinizing the details.

Yes, there is no doubt, I am in a snow-white room. A submissive breeze makes its stamp reluctantly through a window, in a frazzled morning where the sun refuses to bloom. Everything is white, white, white, there is no other color, no other shade.

I sigh for a long time in a colossal moan, it is a room with a silence that tastes like death... Only I am in it.

Panic and dismay take hold of me, and anguish and anxiety run through my body. I sweat profusely and my heart races. I have to get up, run... Get out of here. But what is happening? I don't understand anything, I can't move and I've lost all feeling in the left side of my body, it's numb, inert, immobile.

I scream desperately, with all my strength to ask for help "Heeeeeeee! Heeeeeeeeeee! Heeeeee!." Oh no, my words are unintelligible, my language is clumsy and garbled, and I slur the words "Nooo...nooooo...noooo." Almost in unison, irreverent, unbridled tears paraded in droves down my face.

Immediately the room door opened and a woman full of freshness and youth appeared, dressed in a pearl-white uniform. In a melodious voice, she said "Good morning! Good morning!. Calm down Mr. Jacinto."

"I am Nurse Estevez and I am here to give you the attention you need and deserve," she looked at me tenderly and continued "Dr. Rodriguez is on his way, he will answer your questions. Please wait a moment."

A few minutes later a man of compassionate presence and middle age arrived, dressed in a white gown. On his shoulders, he carried the device they use to listen to the sounds of the body, and in his hands a folder, surely of my health. He was undoubtedly the doctor in charge of my condition.

He was here to clear all uncertainties. But much to my regret, I wavered in insecurity, between a back-and-forth of wanting and not wanting to know what was going on. As I questioned myself, his deep, determined voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Good morning, I am Dr. Rodriguez. I will be your physician. I am here to serve you and answer all your questions. Mr..." his words trailed off as he looked for my name on his document, then continued, "Mr. Jacinto Velasquez, sixty-seven years old, according to your ID card, is that correct?" I nodded my head in approval.

"Mr. Velasquez, due to your difficulty at this time to speak, I will give you paper and pencil, to facilitate our communication," and I nodded in response, he continued "Tell me how to contact your relatives?"

Nostalgia and a deep melancholy invaded me, and my tears were about to well up “Mr. Jacinto, take your time, there is no hurry," I wrote him, "I had them but they are gone..." he immediately answered me "I'm sorry, I'm very sorry sir," his words were sincere and understanding, I corroborated it with his look.

He continued in his interrogation "Residence address?" I hesitated with the pencil for a few seconds and he insisted "Where do you live, Mr. Velasquez?" Finally, I wrote "Street!". As I read, he frowned and asked again, "Mr. Velasquez, do you live on the street?" I did my best, in my clumsy speech, and answered, "sss yes sss yes sss."

"I understand, I understand. You have nothing to worry about. You've come to a great family. We will support you here and do everything we can to make you feel good. I will notify Social Services, they know what to do in these cases," and continued, "My interrogation for today is over."

"Now I am the one who will answer your questions, go ahead." I waited a few seconds and wrote on the paper to Doctor Rodriguez "How did I get here, what happened?" The Doctor was watching me with acuity, he seemed to be somewhere else, I had to insist on him with my clumsy and messy voice several times, "Dooooc, Dooooc."

The doctor reflected. I must be very careful with my answers to Mr. Jacinto. His tired gray eyes denote an unfathomable sorrow. He carries in his soul a magnanimous torment, which distresses and overwhelms him. A martyrdom that rapidly exhausts his vital forces.

Although vestiges of a strong, intimidating, and corpulent man remain, today he is a prisoner of a body that constricts and limits him. This robs him of the peace and tranquility he craves and needs. If he has done anything inappropriate in his life. Life itself has charged for it in spades...

His organism is extremely deteriorated, with considerable failures in several vital systems and organs. The consequences of years of neglect, lack of attention, and emotional instabilities have accelerated the detriment. Most likely this is compounded by days without food and sleepless nights. Why torment him with details that will not change his condition? His imprecise speech brought me back from my interpellations. I quickly read his request on the paper and intervened.

"Mr. Velasquez," the doctor took a breath and continued, "Bystanders brought you to our hospital in an unconscious state. You had elevated blood pressure and developed a condition called an Ictus (cerebrovascular event) that affected part of your brain's circulation. As a result, half of your body became numb and your speech was affected. But have no fear, Mr. Jacinto, your recovery has been very satisfactory and you will soon begin your rehabilitation therapies."

Dr. Rodriguez picked up the medical record as a sign that our meeting was over and said, "Mr. Jacinto, you should rest. What remains for me to tell you is that the medications you are receiving may produce hallucinations or dreams that may seem real. If you experience this and it affects you, please let us know immediately so that we can adjust your medication."

I felt exhausted, so much had happened in a short time. I began to nod off and doze off. I would try to rest a little, it would surely help me to recover and think better.

Little by little I fell into limbo... images and representations were present and invaded the space, silhouette after silhouette was drawn in the room. The necessary encounter was approaching, the journey through the furrows of time, in the depths of the soul. To retrace the experiences of a past full of ghosts.

I return home, yes, where I live with Dominga and Eduardo. But there is a heated argument loaded with violence, a man who looks like me, yes, it's me, well past my drinking. I scream uncontrollably at a small child.

"Go away! Go away now!," the child looks at me with inquisitive and terrified eyes. But despite his young age, he defies me and confronts me. Between sobs and wails he says, "No! No! Don't hit mommy anymore!," in my foolish behavior, I reply "Shut up, shut up, you brat!" with power and domination I tell him, "Stop sobbing, you stupid child!."

Dominga, dejected on the floor, begs and implores me, horrified, to give her the child, not to mistreat him. I ignore her and take my belt out of my pants. She screams excitedly "Run, run, Eduardo!" and insistently tells him, "Run down the hall!'' The boy tries but my strong hands hold him down, and kicking in the air he screams over and over again "No Daddy! No Daddy! No more hits! No more, please! snif, snif, snif, snif."

I woke up startled, with exacerbated screams that were immediately attended by Nurse Estevez and I told her that I had woken up from a very real dream...She told me that they would adjust the doses of the medications.

I asked myself "How was I able to do it?" Anger and my fears were weaving contradictions in my actions. Years in my memory, they were projected with malice aforethought, claims imbued with pain and sadness.

The torments of the soul were present, like thorns, which wound and hurt perennially. I wasted the beautiful and sincere love, the joyful dawns, the hugs and caresses in the moonlight, the dancing in love under the rain. The love of my wife and my son.

A strange sensation invades me... New representations appear in the room, I see a woman of advanced years coming, helped by a cane... "Is it you Dominga!?" I ask her "Dominga, are you here!?" the woman answered, "Yes, my beloved husband, I am here!" I immediately asked her about our son "What about Eduardo?," she answered "He is well with his family, you are already a grandfather!. I came to invite you for a walk together" and I answered "I am sorry for all the damage I have caused!" she patiently answered "Everything is already settled, come with me. Let's walk together," I said excitedly, "Sure, sure, let's go!"

While this was happening, Nurse Estevez, with an energetic voice said "Code blue! Code blue! Patient Jacinto Velasquez '' immediately arrived and the team prepared for CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation), and their leader gave instructions "Protocol. Initiate CPR. Oxygen. Monitor connection. Non-defibrillable rhythm... Asystole...Adrenaline. No pulse. Adrenaline. No rhythm...no pulse..."