August 10th
Today I thought of her, although I always think of her, today I evoked her with more intensity.
She is a unique girl, with curly hair and an irresistible smile, her face was full of tenderness. Her little piggy nose did not detract from the beauty she exuded. Her dark eyes of oval dimensions left me stupidly hypnotized.
I was so in love with her that I wasn't the typical guy to buy her coffee or ice cream. I took her to the mountains, I have to say, I'm a hiking fanatic, so much so that before I met her I spent a lot of time alone. In nature, armed with a super backpack with the basics of food, gear, clothes, and my camping kitchen.
She understood my tastes and shared them with me.
Seven dates we had before I proposed. Seven beautiful places, which I say captured her. Because I don't know what she saw in me, but I do, in her.
Lorianis Ruiz was a free and rebellious soul. She didn't care what they said about her or thought. She would shut them up with her words or acts of freedom. Even before we were a couple, she scolded me a lot, and that is because I also lived my way. I didn't care about the disorder that my chaotic organization could generate. She was what she wanted.
The day I proposed to her to be my girlfriend, we were on the coast. In a very nice seaside town, where people are helpful no matter if you were shopping or just walking around. And one of its main attractions was the beautiful cave on the beach. Tthere I told him.
I remember the event.
She, dignified and free, took me to take some artistic nude pictures of her in the evening lights. Although I had not kissed or touched her, there was that trust between us. After the photo section, it started to rain and she wanted to leave, but I held her back.
My words were:
I wish to tell you something urgently, and if I don't say it now, I will never be able to say it.
I like you too much. I won't ask you if you like me too, I just wanted you to know. When I go out with you nature shines with a decorum difficult to describe; and regardless of whether the feeling is mutual, I don't want to lose you, because now without you in my traveling life the world is nothing.
She showed for a moment the face of bewilderment. I feared in my statement to be rejected, I could be prepared for a refusal, but fear still lodges in the heart in love.
However, the lights of the sunset with its intermingled colors witnessed the first kiss that marked a beautiful stage in my life. I was too happy in those 16 years.
August 17th
However, everything has an end. And ours ended due to an accident. His life ended at the hand of nature. A cave exploration, an earthquake, a landslide, a sea of desolation.
Seven months have passed.
I write in my diary the last words of my solo expedition. I'm in the middle of the desert, looking for the Hadaya Tadhkaria Oasis, a mythical place of incalculable beauty. Few people have gone there, often by accident and not by merit.
I'm not capable of taking my life, even if it is empty and lonely, even if the beauty loses color and gray envelops my sight.
I had heard among the only people who saw it, that they felt they lost something of themselves and were reborn in another person. As if taking off a dark, the black weight would set them free. And I wanted to be free of my grief, I wanted to find a way to live without it, without feeling the oppression when I remembered it.
But I would die in the desert, that was a good option. Forgotten in the burning sands, no trail would lead anyone to my aid. I had little food left, and I was starving when I was saved.
August 22nd
A wonderful creature had saved me. To describe it in words is not enough for the human sense. It was beautiful, it was like seeing Lorianis but covered with a blinding brightness and with ostrich legs, covered with a blinding gold. No one had ever been able to see its true face.
The creature called itself the Taltahim Aldhikrayat or Tadhkir for short.
The oasis was beautiful, it was his habitat. There the green and the bluish competed to dazzle, but the journey had been in vain.
To be saved by the Tadhkir was not free, one had to pay one's debt. But the creature didn't fee monetarily, she wanted my most valuable souvenir.
Any event that had a connection would be erased from my mind, for they were connected and if one structure was erased, the whole edifice would follow it.
September 10th
One morning while contemplating a cave near one of the lagoons I decided to do it. It was the best decision, I would live in freedom,
Finally, Tadhkir came up to me and kissed me.
December 20th
I have read these pages, but I can't find any emotion. I try hard to evoke that woman in vain, I remember the seven dates, but I don't remember having proposed a relationship. I don't know if I met her, I don't know if such a fantasy I wrote happened.
I went to her grave, visited her parents, and even saw a picture of her. However, Lorianis was just a girl I met, or that's the impression I get. I feel nothing.
And even though I'm alone, I don't feel like I'm alone. The beauty of the mountains, of the coasts, and the innumerable repertoire of beautiful things that exist. I feel at liberty.
Cover and Banner made in Canva, Cover image; Separators made in Photoshop