Loser
Upon graduating five years ago, I started looking for a job in the busy streets of Metro Manila. Relying only on Google maps and a few bucks my sister gave me, I went to more or less than ten interviews. All of these, sadly, are failures.
Among those afternoons when I went home empty-handed, I found myself crying. Bigbang's Loser was playing in the background. The orange skies peaked through the broken wooden window as if igniting my frustration. I guess I was so tired and demoralized.
Coming from a good university will surely not land you the job you want. There are many competitors. There are millions of people better than you.
I was blaming myself for not accepting that first job offer in which the salary is only bare minimum. I thought I could find a better job but I didn't and that night was my breaking point.
I decided to come home and study a few more units to get a teaching degree. Teaching is noble but I know that it's not for me and my heart breaks at that thought. Fast forward to today, I didn't venture in teaching because I got an office job that pays the bills, puts my skills to test, and lets me interact with awesome workmates. However, I oftentimes feel the dread.
When I'm at work, all I think is home. When I'm at home, all I think is work. Weekends fly by so fast. On weekdays, clock ticks awfully slow. Don't even make me talk about Wednesdays. I go home tired with my constant anxiety gnawing at the back of my head.
Zombie
You're getting old yet you're stuck in the same job for 4 years. You're getting old yet you still don't have savings. You're getting old and yet you can't pursue what you want. People who are younger than you accomplish more than what you can at your age.
I always have these thoughts and in most days, I live feeling empty. Thoughts are blocked. My emotions, too. Anxiety visits me everyday and it's the only thing I can feel. Without it, I feel like I'm just a zombie.
My solace are songs. Songs that can speak what I can't explain. Songs that don't make me emptier or sadder but can console me and tell me I'm not alone.
Last May, when Day6, a korean band, released their 6th mini album, I found the song that resonates not only what I feel, but what a lot of us feels.
Here's their original Zombie MV but so that everyone can relate, here's the English version. I promise it's sung and composed beautifully:
The Book of Us
Day6 released this album series starting from Gravity, Entropy, and now, the Demon. This series talks about human relationships explained with the help of Physics theories.
Entropy is the the state of "surprise" or "uncertainty." While the Demon is based on the Demon theory which causes particles to lean towards one side.
