Hey there, I have been away from here for a while, let’s say, life STRUCK!! and it struck so hard on me that I had to switch off a lot of things including writing.
I missed You guys and here is an update post.
This post is going to have just one picture in between. one picture that captures what my heart has felt this week.
You Know, I really thought it was going to be a happy ending for I and Michael, but First, his health trauma kept preventing him from living and loving, and as much as I was not cool with that, I was so in love with him that I wanted to stay and give him some time to heal or breathe (to think I used to preach against staying where one is not loved, lol, is that what fear of losing someone feels like?)
I am not one to claim “perfect” but I really put in everything into this relationship, My time, my money, my heart, my soul, my body, my all. I wanted to give one relationship my best, because I thought I deserve to be loved and to love someone else too, and Michael happened to sweep me off my feet.
Two weeks ago, Michael started acting too cold towards us and as much as I was not comfortable with it, I tried to understand he was in a dark place due to his health, and I didn’t want to nag, instead, I initiated a conversation which didn’t go as expected, but ended with a kiss on my forehead like every other conversation did. I told him I would give him a break, since it seemed like what he wanted and for 3 days, we didn’t talk or text.
On the Fourth day, Michael texted me saying “hey, I miss you” I replied that I missed him too, and we started a long conversation, talking about random things.
The conversation was getting fun until I asked him to tell me about his last relationship, he said he doesn’t like talking about it but he will tell me since I had told him about mine.
Apparently, his last relationship ended 6years ago when the girl he loved so much cheated on him, and according to him, it had been so hard to love till he met me. I noticed how uncomfortable talking about it made him, so I quickly changed the topic and we ended the night in a mushy state that left me blushing.
The next morning, I got this text……
My heart sank into my stomach, I was in pain, I couldn’t understand how he said “I love you” the previous night only for me to receive such a text that morning.
I tried to be a tough girl but deep down, I had a lot of questions to ask him
Why? What happened Michael? Why did you ask me out in the first place? why did you say you loved me? Why are you not over what happened 6 years ago? Why am I suffering for another woman’s mistake?
It’s been one week, it flashes through my mind at least once every day but, I don’t feel as bad as I did that day, none of it was my fault and I shouldn’t shut the world out because of that. I really wanted to send him a message like this;
“Dear Michael, I am hurting, I miss you, but I will never be come back to you in a thousand years even if you asked, it’s hard to get over the fact that you did not love me as you said you did, I hope you open your heart to love and to be loved, I wish you the best of health and life in general.”
…. But I can’t bring myself to even reply that break up text till today.
To everyone who is hurting, you are not alone, I feel you.
I am back to being Single, lol, only that this time, I am not searching and won’t be open to any relationship for a while. My heart needs to heal.
Thanks For Reading