You know the saying that goes
“20 friends can not play for 20years” ?
I think I am beginning to understand it.
Let me tell you a story:
Bolu has been a really Good friend to me since we met. She is the type of friend who would leave anything she is doing to come give me a hug or be by my side when I am having a bad day. Bolu is ready to split her funds 50/50 to share with me, She literally opened my eyes to the love that could exist between two Females and because of that , I too began to put effort in being a good friend to her too.
I and Bolu met at Ebonyi state which is the residence of both our Families(who is my only parent) Bolu was in her final year at Covenant University, while I had just dropped out of school and was shuffling between Lagos( my new Base) and Ebonyi. We would look forward to coming home at the same time/ period, as we couldn’t wait to see each other after a long while of being away from home. I really hated being back to that state if Bolu wasn’t back from school. I hated how lonely and uneventful it usually used to be without her.
It didn’t take time before Bolu stole my Mom’s heart and I stole her mom’s too. B Baby ( as I fondly call her) was not my best Friend per say, but she was really dear to my heart( who wouldn’t love such a sweet soul).
Fast Forward to about 6 months ago, I started to think differently in my life, I started getting serious with building a success Lifestyle which included being careful with the people I had around me.
I also got busy with Work( I am a Realtor, so it gets really consuming most times), had less time for My social life and started drifting away from my friends. Apart from the fact that I was busy, I really wanted to cut some people off my Circle and keep it small.
I had never in my life thought Bolu would be one of the friends I will lose connection with( not communication, Connection ).
When I started learning new things like investing over spending and reading over consuming contents on social media, I tried to teach my most loved friends: you know , trying to carry them along with me on the success path” . Some of them were quick to join me in the change while some were just reluctant and thought I was “doing too much”
Sadly, one of those people who were stalling, was Bolu.
I loved Bolu so much and she had been a great friend so I wasn’t ready to give up on her like that, so I kept on disturbing Her about Change, and the more I disturbed her about it, the more I realized we were growing apart ( Now I understand why some couple say they grew apart, hence the divorce).
We stopped talking as usual because sincerely, my mind was focused on more important things and she was avoiding hearing my talks , plus apart from “my banters”( as she calls it) we just really didn’t have much to talk about apart from Boys!
Before, we used to talk about boys a lot and some things that’ll make us laugh and tickle the butterfly in our stomach, but I grew and those conversation started to irritate me, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about all the time( emphasis on ALL THE TIME).
It is Truly sad that Some people we planned to spend the future with, might not make it to our Future with us.
A lot of people might think it’s not a Big deal, or I was just being a bad friend maybe, but.... I am so big on Energy , I don’t stay where my energy is not reciprocated, I don’t sustain a relationship if I am not growing from it or growing with that person, it drains me and in no time I might succumb to their belief or energy. So you see why I immediately cut off or avoid, if it’s not pushing me forward? Well, I hope you understand.
One time, I thought to myself “ maybe you are too hard on her, maybe she has to work in her own time frame. Maybe you are trying to project your own dreams to her which is not Fair.”
So I asked her, “what do you want to do after your masters since you said you don’t want to practice Architecture? “ Bolu never gave me a definite answer, she just kept beating around the bush and i wondered “ she has never given it a thought ?”
I was not mad at her or judged her, I immediately put myself in her shoes, knowing that figuring out what we really want to do with our lives, has got to be one of the toughest things in life. So I decided to help.
I began to share Motivational Videos on YouTube, books and some things I learnt with her, to see if anything was going to be a pointer to her passion or at least something to do while she continued the search for her passion.
All of this was to no avail, she never watched up to 20% of the videos, didn’t finish one book, but I was glad she made an effort. Every opportunity she got, she talked about getting married to a rich man and chopping his money and Boy ,was I so uncomfortable with such conversations. I couldn’t relate to them at all.
I and Bolu did not suddenly become Enemies, lol, NEVER! I still love her, I still value her, and I still appreciate her But you see , i like to think that in every Circle of Friends , there is ;
The Outer Court, the inner court and the Holy Place .
THE HOLY PLACE is where the closest of friends belong, the ones you are comfortable discussing stuff with, the ones who have same goal as you. The ones that have grown from friends to sisters or brothers
THE INNER COURT is where the Good vibe friends belong. You know those friends who are not so close but have been there once or twice when you needed them.
THE OUTER COURT Is where the rest belong , the ones who just like your picture and hail you on social media but are never really there. The ones you care about, but don’t intend to bring so close. The old school mate, church friends and work friends are.
Sadly, Bolu left inner court, to the outer court. This was never my intention, but things just happened and my once Really close Friend , is just more or less a stranger now. We talk, and laugh and might meet at home this Christmas, but we both know there is a big gap between us.
One thing I will never forget is how she was super kind to me, and I made a promise to myself, that I will pay back on manifolds.
Thanks for reading
Do you have a friend like that? A friend you thought you will grow old with but you can’t find them close to you right now?
Let me know in the comment section.
See you soon!