Being a mother is hard on its own. Stop making it harder with your insensitivity by blaming mothers for almost every inevitable thing.
I have two kids by God's grace and they seem to be different in so many ways. For a start, one is AA while the other is AS. It seems the only thing they share in common is the fact that I did exclusive Breastfeeding for both of them and at six month, they both switched to home family meals with healthy appetites. Also, both didn't have teeth till they were 11 months.
In this post, I'm going to recount some of the blames I've been apportioned for what I totally have no control over just because I'm a mother.
My boy was born with full head of thick black curly hair which was a delight to care for. But on the opposite, my girl is approaching her 2nd year and from birth till now, the tiniest comb can't even run through her hair. there's kukuma nothing to barb so we've accepted our fate and balding with pride like that 😁
A relative once told me to think back on what I ate during my son's pregnancy, that I refused to eat during my daughter's because her own daughter has hair and she can boldly say it was because she ate healthily during her pregnancy. That I wasn't intentional about my feeding habit that's why my girl was born without hair. Hmm.
Within the first two years of my son's life, we had series of hospital visits and multiple admission episodes. Some occured during my second pregnancy, even when I delivered my girl, I will leave the newborn at home and stay in the hospital with my son. Still hm has had a surgical experience,. We've run out of the house by 2-4am on many occasions to hospital because of his medical emergencies. The hospital knew us because of him. One day, a family doctor told me it was due to my carelessness that's why he's always falling ill. I don't take his hygiene seriously, I probably don't wash feeding utensils properly, I don't use hot water to wash his tooth brush. He Sha found a way of blaming me for his constant hospital visits. But here is my daughter, still me who care for them both, yet apart from one or two malaria episodes, which we even ended up treating at home, we've not had any cause to visit the hospital on her account.
My son walked by 10 months while my daughter didn't walk till she was almost 1year and 4months. One of the times, my boss asked if my daughter had started walking, and I said no. She said ofcourse, she won't walk because of how I'm always carrying her and strapping her on my back all the time. Assin how na? I resume work by 7am without this baby and I don't see her till about 4 pm when I close. So how have I been carrying her on my back kwanu? Hmm. This my boss doesn't even know my house o.
By 9 months, my daughter started saying words and calling names. And by this 17th month, she's almost putting words together to make a sentence. Whereas, apart from Daddy and water, my son didn't say any word till he was about 2years and 4months old. Then, a church member said it's my fault. That it's because I don't let him associate with other kids and always keeping him indoors that's why he's not talking. On hearing that, I had to enroll him in school before age 2 yet he didn't still talk till he was ready .
My daughter usually have bouts of rashes on her face and body at the slightest feel of heat or hot weather. Just yesterday a neighbour said it's my fault that it's because I don't change her dress immediately after she sweats. I wonder how she came about that because my daughter unlike the brother wears between 4-7 sets of clothes in a day. For a start, apart from sweats, she likes feeding herself and after every feeding or drinking water, the clothe is gone cos she'll mess it up. She baths very frequently and prefers cold water to warm water except this period when the weather is cold. During hot weather, once you turn away from her for a minute, she's already in the bathroom trying to turn on the tap to run cold water all over her body and should she meet any bucket of water there, then that clothe is gone for the day. At night, she has a mini rechargeable fan positioned strictly for her due to how she reacts to heat. I had to remind the neighbour that I'm the same person caring for my son too and he doesn't have a single rash on any part of his body... At that point, a fellow neighbour who's baby also deals with rashes took over the argument, that she does all that yet her baby has rashes. They were still arguing amongst themselves when I walked away.
It really got me thinking... How convenient it is to throw blames on mothers for things they have no control over. Initially I was almost having depression because of some of these blames, but over time I've learned to shake them off. There are people who may not be this strong-willed to ignore some of these blames.
Please stop the MUM-BLAMING!!!
Have you experienced mum-shaming??? Can you share here? I need to be sure I'm not alone. 🥺