One would assume that purpose or direction in life is easily found – after all, there is no lack of guidance anywhere, what with everyone from the closest of kin to the queerest of strangers suggesting the best for your situation. We run online to seek counsel on everything: medical matters to job searches. Even as we put ourselves online via different media, there is always an opinion. As such, I find myself curious given so many guides, I still stumble along, unsure of my significance in the grand scheme. There are days I recognize I have a visual talent and emotional acuity, others I wallow in my own filth – sadness, disgust, and self-gratification, for my ego. “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, things are great, I’m not envious of anyone’s anything – I have what I want.” Who am I lying to?
So I found quite puzzling when @chowcollection shared a post on social media that challenged me even at a dark hour. Our conversation, albeit unorthodox in form, still provoked me when he posed this question.
“What are you doing in the field of photography that you find effortless?”
I don’t think the answer could come hours, days or even in the weeks following. It may take just as many years as it did for me to arrive at this point. In its early stage, as this will not be the first time I submit a response to questions concerning my ability nor the last, I make portraits more. It is a pity that I find photography in these latter days can underwhelm as we have a proliferation of imagery. ‘Selfies’, ‘food porn’, and even the idea of models are quite saturated with many putting their ambition where their mouth is and a camera where their phone is. I do not aim to look down on another's desire to capture themselves; I rather prove myself most adept at depicting them in a visual quality. Self-portraiture has depth many do not appreciate, but I see that some put their best angle forward. Perhaps, it’s privilege that allows us to capture meals to share with others, but what about the look of satiation afterwards or the vision of hunger and desire before? There is no eligibility requirement or prerequisite to model, in a sense, yet are we picturing our true selves or the image we wish to reflect? I have no answers but with these brown, myopic eyes, I can say I see people for who they are, or at least who they could be, in a moment.
