Since I was first nominated to serve as Treasury Secretary, I have been maligned as taking advantage of others' hardships in order to earn a buck. Nothing could be further from the truth.
-Steve Mnuchin
Steve: Go on... Take it.
America: I don't know...
Steve: It's free money, just take it...
America: Well... I... hey, come on! What's the catch?
Steve: Catch? There's no catch.
America: I really shouldn't...
Steve: Go on...
America: Hm... I guess I can make an overdue payment on my credit card.
Steve: You can do whatever you want with it.
America: Wait a minute mister, are you sure there's no catch?
Steve: TAKE THE GODDAMN MONEY!
America: All right, all right... calm down.
Steve: See! Now that wasn't so bad, now was it?
America: WHOA! $1,200 bucks!
Steve: That's right! Twelve big ones.
Steve: Now, there's just on thing I need you to do.
America: Anything mister!
Steve: Just don't ask for more, alright? No snacks, no trips to the doctor or any of that. Can you do that for me?
America: I sure can, mister.
Steve: Oh and one last thing...
America: Whatever you want, mister.
Steve: Bend-over and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
The Foreclosure King
As head of OneWest Bank in California during the 2008 financial crisis, Steve Mnuchin and his partners specialized in kicking people out of their homes and destroying lives.
Steve and his talented team of home-wreckers may not of pioneered the practice of evicting Americans and tossing them to the curb but they certainly perfected it.
In fact, Steve and his crew were named to the All-American team and set a national record for the most family removals in a single season with over 80,000 successful foreclosures!
Mnuchin and the boys were celebrated for their no-nonsense approach and assertive style. They certainly never let the law get in the way of winning:
“using potentially illegal tactics to foreclose on as many as 80,000 California homes.”
“Even when compared to the other financial institutions that aggressively and illegally tossed families out of the houses, OneWest was notorious for its belligerence and for its cruelty.”
money.com
Despite the bullying and name calling directed at OneWest, some even calling the dedicated staff "cruel" and "belligerent", Steve was always there to lend a word of support for the heroic efforts aimed at catapulting cats and dogs and babies down the pike.
Steve: Foreclosure, approved.
Curriculum Vital
Born: 1962
Location: New York
Net Worth: $400 Million
Real Estate: $95 Million
Offshore Holdings: $100 Million in Tax Haven
Occupation:Partner at Goldman Sachs, Head of OneWest Bank
Hollywood Producer - Superman vs. Batman, Central Intelligence, etc.
Steve the Early Days
Born to in New York in 1962, Steve grew up with an unnatural obsession with his sister's doll collection. On more than one occasion his parents scolded him for throwing his little sister's dolls straight out of the apartment window onto the streets below.
His parents demanded to know why he would do such a thing. Young Stevey said the dolls were in his room without proper documentation and that his sister still owed him a nickel in unpaid wages for feeding her hamster water while she was in the children's hospital.
OneWest is the Best!
After several record breaking seasons in California, OneWest was riding high and seemed to be on top of the world.
Then it happened, The Donald called.
It was time to serve his country.
It was time pack his bags on an all expenses paid trip to the Capital and head straight to the White House, err, Mara-Lago Resort first for some meetings that could be billed directly to the great American taxpayers.
The Donald was ever so gracious and they got to spend some quality time together before the big announcement. The Donald took an instant liking to Steve as they had much in common. They spent hours sharing intimate details with one another about some of their favorite evictions and the hilarious reactions of their stunned tenants.
The Donald:
Steve is a tremendous guy. He knows a lot about economies and real estate. He's doing great things in California. GREAT things. Believe me. He doesn't have as many properties as I do but nobody's perfect.
Steve:
You know Donald, this one time I foreclosed on an elderly couple twice in the same year. I got them to remortgage their first home...
The Donald:
That's beautiful.
Pardon me, have you seen the new ratings and the rave reviews your nomination is receiving?
Fantastic numbers...really really great numbers. Unheard of numbers.
Reaction to Mnuchin's Appointment to US Treasury
The Donald:
Steve, Steve...
Steve:
Yes, Mr. President.
The Donald:
Listen to this... wonderful...
"Whether illegally foreclosing on thousands of families, skirting the law with offshore tax havens or helping design tactics that contributed to the 2008 financial crisis, Steve Mnuchin made a career — and millions of dollars — pioneering increasingly deceptive and predatory ways to rob hardworking Americans of their savings and homes."
"greedy... unethical"
- Sen. Tammy Duckworth
The Donald:
Isn't it wonderful? Millions of dollars.
I didn't know you were such a smart guy Steve.
It's because you're from New York.
Now tell me, where do you stash your money?
Wait, don't tell me! - The Caymans? I bet it was the Caymans.
I knew it... wonderful.
"His complicity in the 2008 financial crisis raises serious doubts."
- Sen. Tim Kaine
The Donald:
Fake News!
Do you believe this guy?
Jealous... he knows you're the best.
What a nasty, nasty little man.
"One does not go and create offshore entities at the end of the day other than to avoid, in some form or fashion, the tax laws of the United States. That's pretty simple."
- Sen. Robert Menendez
The Donald:
One more, one more...
In an exhaustive article in The Nation, Dayen chronicles how Mnuchin got fabulously rich while hundreds of thousands lost their homes.
The Donald:
You see that... "fabulously rich"... she knows.
In 2008, Mnuchin made a deal with the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC). He and his investment group bought a predatory lender named Indy Mac, renaming it "OneWest." They then started foreclosing on homeowners.
The Donald:
Steve, I knew you produced Superman vs. Batman but I had no idea, no idea, that you produced The Predator!
Love that movie, love it.
Did you know you look like a Predator Steve?
Did you know that Steve?
I bet you get that all the time.
Steve:
Thank you Mr. President.
The Donald:
Wait... wait...
While doing that, he "harvested fees for appraisals and inspections and late payments, and got protected by a federal backstop. The FDIC lost $13 billion on Indy Mac; Mnuchin and company made $3 billion in profits."
The Donald:
Did you do that Steve?
Steve:
Yes, sir.
The Donald:
I like this man.
Steve, you're going to be perfect for the US Treasury.
I told everyone, this is the guy.
Steve:
Thank you again, Mr. President.
The Donald
Tell me again Steve, tell me how you got them to... you know... what was the name of that thing you did again?
Steve:
Probably the "service-driven faults" or the "dual-tracking" method, sir.
The Donald:
No. I Like, the other name.
Not the "dual-tracking" thing, the other name.
"Double-Trouble"! No...
"Double-down"?
"Double-standard"?
...
I got it!
"Double Whammy!"
Steve:
The Double-Cross
To make this tidy sum for himself, Mnuchin used something called "servicer-driven defaults." This practice entailed "telling homeowners they must miss payments to get help, and when they do, [the banks] move to foreclose."
The other devious ploy is something called "dual tracking." This is "where servicers negotiate modifications and pursue foreclosures at the same time."
The Donald:
Incredibly devious...isn't it incredible?
Haven't these idiots seen the movie "The Predator"?
Didn't I say you were a Predator? A fabulously rich Predator.
Don't they call you "Robo-cop" as well?
Steve:
"The Robo-Signer", sir.
We were able to rubber-stamp more than 36,000 foreclosures without even looking at the circumstances.
Maybe... 750 foreclosures a week.
The Donald:
Amazing work. Truly Amazing.
That's going to come in handy Steve, Bigly!
How does the saying go?
One man's trash is another man's Treasury Secretary.
No one treasures you more than I treasure you Steve.
The American people treasure their Treasury Secretary.
You're a national treasure Steve.
