A Letter to Me in 2019: Live Each Day as if It's Your Last

Hello Me in 2019!

You won't probably read this because it's written by your future self. It's a week before the year ends and as you looked back, you realized that you had a blast. You were able to travel to places you dreamed of and you had a concrete plan about your international travel for 2020.

You were so excited. You were able to do your first major climb and you survived the 5th highest mountain in the Philippines. You were able to visit the rehabilitated Boracay and you had one of the most awesome travel experiences. You thought that 2020 would be a year of more travels.

Or so you thought.

No one can blame you for thinking that as you already booked a lot of them. You had the most positive outlook of what 2020 would be for you as you are starting to achieve those dreams you had when you were younger.

No one can really blame you from waiting for those promo flights while calculating if you can accumulate the funds needed for those travels. You never thought of backing down any travel invitation. You just thought you'll work harder and cut down those unnecessary expenses.

You just had an amazing year in terms of travel so no one can blame you if you look forward to another amazing year of being a wanderlust. As I am writing this to you in the middle of the night, all those amazing things that happened felt like they're coming back to me so I can't blame you for being too optimistic.

You were already three years in your work. You kept on saying that you would resign anytime soon, but nothing happened even until the end of 2019. You just thought of finding a different job in the year 2020. One of the reasons why you can't resign is because you got comfortable with what you're doing. Given the relative freedom that you had in your work, you cling to it without considering other options.

I realized it now that maybe you can't resign is because working didn't actually matter to you as long as you can fund your wanderlust tendencies. You thought that 2020 might be another year aimlessly wandering into your professional life. The truth is, you can't really decide on what to do next and that's the reason why you got stuck. It didn't matter to you though as it was not your main priority during your time. You just thought that 2020 might be good for your career.

Or so you thought.

Brace yourself as you are about to make the biggest decision about your career in 2020. I can't still say if I have made the best decision because it's still too early to tell, but I really do hope I made the right one.

Choosing my mental health over money is always the right one, but I'm not sure if it's a sound one financially. I'm still holding on and that's thanks to the support that I get, but my number one enemy is myself. Guess what? You won't change and probably won't change anytime soon.

I know your Christmas was a blast. You had parties here and there. You were having sort of a reunion with your friends and classmates from college. I know you had fun because I had this nostalgic feeling rushing in as I'm continuing to write this letter to you the night before Christmas.

I think this will be the quietest and uneventful Christmas I'll ever have. I barely go out of the house. I survive living on the internet most of my time. I had fun though. It feels like genuine interaction with the people I haven't met yet. I made the most unexpected places out of the most unexpected places. But it still feels lacking.

You were slowly starting to break free from the mould you subjected yourself into. You were planning to have a tattoo. You wanted to break free from the stigma that you have developed against those with tattoos. I can't blame you because you were to taught to be that way. You already had the design in mind, but I regret to tell you that having a tattoo won't happen in 2020.

The pandemic has ruined most of your plans. Don't worry though; 2021 might be a little bit better. But I have to be honest that I'm not that optimistic anymore. After what happened to the world, I'm starting to believe that anything could happen and I think I should start to live with it.

You are about to get drunk a few days after. It was your first time to feel the effects of alcohol in your body after years of hesitation. You had this burden that you might squeal all the secrets that people have trusted you to keep. You don't have to worry though. Other people would get wasted and won't remember anything the morning after but you're different. The only difference is that you'll start to be confident in speaking in straight English. Your alcohol tolerance is surprisingly high, but you'll end up taking care of your friends which you hated so much.

Another surprising thing about you when you get drunk is that you will have the urge to clean. You hated cleaning and doing the chores so much but when you get drunk, you want to clean the CR even if you can barely walk in a straight line. All those years of hesitation were just bonkers. I'm not suggesting that you'll get wasted too often, but you'll be fine.

You had a lot of plans. You wanted to pursue a lot of things and you just want to try them. You'll get bored eventually. Just live each day like it's your last. Have a blast. Tick all those things in your bucket list even if you don't really have a bucket list. You just try so many things that having a bucket list would be pointless. I know you thought 2020 would be your year. You already declared it.

Or so you thought.

You don't have to worry so much though. There are still a lot of things to be thankful for even if things didn't go as planned. I will be officially having my diving lessons in a few days and that's what excites me as of this moment. I'm not looking forward to the new year as much as you did, but I'm thankful for every single day that I'm alive.

Always be grateful to the people who helped you hold on.

Kim Ybañez

_{Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession, but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits secluded destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines). He's also a trying hard photographer so stay tuned as he shares his photos and his thought process while creating them.}

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